{life of the lanes}

big huge giant catch-up {aka the never-ending blog post}

2011-11-12T16:30:00.000-05:00

hiiiii!!!!! i've missed this world, and considering i have no memories written down from the past 6 months, i thought i'd try to record some stuff to catch you (and myself!) up on our lives. it's been a busy, fun, sweet 6 months. brecken is now 11 months, and pretty confident she's the princess of this house:

and these 2 are OLD:

{blakely}

{kennedy}

if you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you have to admit they've aged like 3 years in the past few months. here's some of what those past few months have entailed...

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:: kennedy and blakely graduated preschool...

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:: k and b turned 5 in june and celebrated with...

{a party with family}

{a new ride}

{walkie talkie "cell phones" to talk to each other}

{mani-pedis}

{& their first laser show experience}

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:: we finished ALOT of house projects and hosted 4 baby showers. this has probably accounted for most every second a child has not accounted for...

{new wallpaper in our half bath (but i don't know how to put a bathroom picture up and it not look awkward)}

{a white sofa to replace our stained yellow one. people think i'm crazy to mix kids and white, but it has actually been my very favorite home purchase yet because about once a month i take the cover off, throw it in the washer with some bleach, and have a brand new sofa. plus it was $399 at ikea and a new cover is $50 if it ever gets totally ruined}

{i painted our black kitchen table and chairs and wondered why i didn't do it 5 years ago. i also finally won the fight over this ceiling fan in our kitchen. brett insisted it felt cool (true) and looked cool (not true), but i didn't like the look and it made our food cold, so i finally convinced him to nix it. the first picture is a better picture, but i promise the new one looks better in real life}

before:

after:

{we replaced the light fixture in our dining room...a bit too traditional for the rest of our house}

before:

i actually don't have an "after" shot because my camera was dead so i just went for an iphone picture and it didn't turn out so well. BUT, i replaced it with this and it looks much better:

{and FINALLY, after ~~destroying~~ starting it over 2 years ago, finished our back yard. i still have to "decorate" it...more furniture, rugs, side tables, flower boxes, etc...but we love it and have gotten so much use out of it already. it was a pretty horrible back yard, and we hesitated to do it because we didn't want to put more into our house than we'll ever get out of it, but with the real estate market we could be in our house for who knows how long, so we decided to go with it}

before:

during:

and after:

we also separated kennedy and blakely into their own rooms and brett destroyed our master bath about 6 months ago (does anyone see a theme here?) to begin the stages of renovating, which hasn't begun (does anyone see a theme here?). i can't complain because when he's in charge of a project, he may be slow, but he does it right (to our liking and debt-free. have i ever mentioned that clark howard and dave ramsey had a child and i married him? kidding. i really am so thankful. i either do it cheap or swipe a card, so we leave him in charge). i'm lucky to have a good friend to advise me, who i run every decorating or renovating decision by (kelly, who i've talked about on here before. i have a co-dependent relationship with her when it comes to my house; i feel like i can't do anything without her "approval" because we have the same taste, but she has a billion times better eye than me. if you ever need advice for your house, let me know because she's officially in business on her own now and i'd love to give you her contact info)

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:: we went to st simons for a week...

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:: and to chattanooga for a weekend. we went to the aquarium and shopped around and rode the carousel and ate lots of good food and went to northshore fellowship, the church where gary that i've talked about on here before is the pastor. kennedy and blakely were just excited to all stay in a hotel together, but brecken slept about an hour and a half the whole weekend so i think we may have to stick to renting houses for future vacations...

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:: we (sortof) went camping with friends. brett and kennedy and blakely slept in a tent outside of brett's dad's cabin, and brecken and i slept inside. we couldn't figure out how to stick a pack-n-play in a tent and she won't sleep unless she's in a bed of some sort...

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:: brett and i celebrated 8 years of marriage with a trip to (where else?) athens! we checked georgia theater's schedule while we were driving there and saw that corey smith was playing. we freaked out a little, but of course it was sold out. he sent an e-mail to his fraternity's list serve and a guy happened to not want his tickets so we bought them. does it mean i'm old when people at concerts get on my nerves a little? they step on my feet and get in my way and i get claustrophobic. it was fun for the few songs we stayed for ;)

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:: kennedy and blakely started kindergarten. they love it and i love it. it's only part-time, so i guess you could call it a "sacrifice", but i love that i still get to be with them for what feels like most of the day. they actually won't go full-time until fourth grade, so i didn't have quite the emotion i probably would if i was losing them to full days this year...

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:: and if you're wondering about those 2, they really haven't changed very much from the old days of this blog...

{they still dress crazy}

{they're still serious about their performing}

{and i still find them doing things that make me laugh}

(blakely in brecken's high chair)

(giving their baby sister crazy hair do's when i'm not looking)

(kennedy in brecken's exersaucer)

(kennedy being blakely's baby)

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:: we had family pictures made with katie davidson, and all of the kids did great. brecken cried towards the end because i didn't know it was going to be freezing when i picked out outfits and the poor little chap had to wear sleeveless and be bundled up between pictures, but katie was great as usual and still got some good shots...

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:: brett and i have adopted the paleo lifestyle (well he really has and has lost 25 pounds and i talk about it a lot but really don't do it). if i ever find the time to blog regularly again, i have a lot of good recipes to pass along.

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that was a weird thing to end on, but i don't really think there's a whole lot more to tell. we're enjoying the day to day, and i can safely say it's been the best and happiest 11 months of my life (besides the rough start with brecken...so maybe the best 8 months). that doesn't mean the day to day is perfect, or that i never yell at my kids or wish my baby.would.freakin.sleep (she's an insomniac...it's ridiculous), but i am quite obsessed (most days) with the 4 people i live with, everybody's healthy, and i'm not depressed, so i can't really ask for much more. happy fall yall...go dawgs!

p.s. i'm reminded why i never blog. i'm about to hit publish and i started this post 2 months ago. not even kidding. i had to change brecken's age in the first part twice, and i actually think she's about 6 months old in that picture.

hello!

2011-05-02T11:55:00.000-04:00

i know i never blog anymore, but it's because i'm busy protecting our baby from the 2 monkeys that live in our house...

i have so many pictures from the past few weeks/months to catch up on. i know i'm going to regret how little i've written down from brecken's first 5 months of life, but spring is always so crazy around our house. we finished our backyard project (the one that was on my new year's resolutions list LAST year), which has taken up every free moment of our day, so hopefully things will slow down now. i'll get caught up on posting stuff later. for now, here's a scene i walked into this weekend. take heart in knowing that kennedy and blakely have welcomed brecken into their club...

i guess they decided she needed some "hair" too. crazy kids!

already?

2011-03-22T08:48:00.000-04:00

smith is a little boy in kennedy and blakely's class that kennedy talks about ALOT. we found this in the garage. oh boy...

corte de pelo

2011-03-10T22:09:00.000-05:00

most people make this announcement when their kids are about one, but we don't do things by the book around here. kennedy and blakely got their first haircut!!! yes, they will be 5 in 3 months, but if you just started keeping up with our family, they were shiny bald when they were 1, then had about 3 hairs when they were 2, so we are very excited that this day has come. we took them to a really cute place called sweet & sassy and they loved it!

what does a girl who loves hair do when her kids take 5 years to get it? take 95 pictures (literally)! here are a few...

(see the paparazzi in the mirror?)

and not to leave the little one out...brecken was asleep so we sat her in a corner for most of our time there, but we looked over and discovered that she had woken up and pushed her snuggle thing off of her and was peeking out. i guess she didn't want to miss the action...

how we...

2011-02-21T14:50:00.001-05:00

...entertain our baby:

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...celebrate the 80's:

(note: i did NOT pick this outfit out, and my kids have no idea what the 80's or it's style entails, but they emerged from the closet with this on today and it seems they would fit in nicely)

...clean our floors:

(note: i do NOT make my kids clean my house. they like to play cinderella, and it works out great for all involved. i give them some safe cleaner and a rag and they go to town)

don't leave me with the baby!

2011-02-14T14:51:00.000-05:00

it was 5 days of just the 4 of us girls, and we survived! i hadn't gotten on to tell you that brett was leaving town because i'm always afraid for a stalker to know i'm home alone with the 3 kids. i mean, supposedly you're not even supposed to post pictures online from your phone because GPS tracking devices can tell people where you live or something?! i really hate that we have to think this way, but you just never know these days...

brett's favorite thing in the world is skiing (obviously, since he named our kid after it), and he and about 15 other guys have started an annual trip to keystone, colorado. he desperately wants me to be adventurous and join him out west, and i love sitting inside and looking at the snow, but try as i may, i just can't ski. i love the idea of it, and i think girls are so cool that can do it, but anytime i start getting up any speed at all, i fall on purpose so i don't go any faster. our first (and last) trip was to park city 3 years ago, and i got to the top of the mountain and got stuck, so rode on his back half of the way down and then hopped on a snow mobile with a guy taking food to one of the restaurants for the rest of the way. brett has adorned me with all the best ski gear and rugged accessories, so i look really cool, but riding on those long things is another story. next time we go he's putting me in ski school, but i'll probably still be scared and just put on all my cool clothes and hold my poles long enough to take pictures to post on facebook to make people think i'm rugged, so i'm glad he has some guys that he can get his ski fix with each year.

our last five days without the man of the house (most of these pictures were taken with my phone, so not great quality)....

i took the 3 girls to my friend charissa's neighborhood club, where they have a character night each month. this month woody from toy story came for a visit. we all had dinner at the club and the kids colored and did crafts with woody. they had so much fun meeting him, but blakely played it cool and acted like she was way beyond that when it was picture time so it's just kennedy and chloe in this one...

my sister-in-law and i took k and b to their first gym dogs meet and blakely had too much candy...

we celebrated brett's stepdad's birthday. this is him with brett's mom, plus all of the grandchildren on this side, along with the 3 week old baby gary's nephew and his wife just adopted. she is PRECIOUS (and made brecken seem huge and old already)...

we made cookies for valentine's gifts...

...and did lots of other fun stuff that i didn't take pictures of....a few friends came over for a girls' night, i took brecken to meet my grandmother for the first time, went to lunch with my mom and coach; basically traveled all around and filled the time well.

brett promised me before he left that i would have treats so i would have something to look forward to each day of him being gone. these were left to make the house happy...

i had cards stuck around the house with dates i could open them...

a "special messenger" left a sugo flatbread by the back door (sugo is quite possibly one of my favorite restaurants in the world, and they have a flatbread that is no longer on the menu that we order every time we go there. it's pulled pork, arugula, and some sort of white balsamic glaze they pour over it with some sort of shaved cheese...manchego or something like that? it's the best thing ever)....

he set up a mini scavenger hunt where i found little treats such as this (the wine, not the gun handbook)...

this came today as my valentine's gift. has anyone heard of these? supposedly they're the cool blanket among celebrities (but does every company claim that?), so maybe i'm behind. i had been using some blankets someone gave k and b when they were babies, and now that they're older they've taken them back, so i needed one. i love having a blanket that i snuggle with at home that i can also take with me for a piece of home when we travel. brett surprised me with this one and it's my new obsession (the whole hour i've had it, but it will be my future obsession too). it's their "cozy chic throw blanket," and it's the perfect size. the tag is pretty funny so they may not have the best marketing department, but the blanket itself is amazing...

being a mom is hard work, but something about knowing you've got someone who appreciates what you do and doesn't take you for granted makes it feel so much easier. i'm pretty sure my "someone" takes it a little over the top and does way more than he needs to (i.e. i'm spoiled), but i don't think i'll complain about it ;)

i just got back from kennedy and blakely's mother's sweetheart tea at school, but forgot to take pictures. here's one from before they left to go to school this morning. is it me or do they look really old? they're kids now; not toddlers, and barely even preschoolers. more on that later because it makes me really sad...

<3 happy valentine's day <3

we're alive

2011-02-07T21:06:00.001-05:00

well, i don't really know how to blog anymore (or maybe even write). if anyone cares, our blog is not dead, and i don't have intentions of giving it up forever...just no time recently. i've got a good 8 weeks to catch up on, and i don't remember a whole lot of it, but it hasn't been roses. in a nutshell, kennedy and blakely had the flu so brecken and i had to leave home so she wouldn't get it and be put in the hospital, brett had the stomach flu, brecken was dropped and it fractured her skull, she screamed bloody murder for a few weeks before we realized she was allergic to me (i.e. milk) and had reflux, and we got snowed in for 3 years. yes, there are many details to this list of why the first 6 weeks of brecken's life were rough, and many emotions that have gone along with these details, but i'll spare them. i can be wordy anyway, and oftentimes my blog has turned into the debbie downer of the blog world, so we'll say we adore our new baby, but don't miss the first few weeks of her life. fast forward to now...

one good thing about being through the ringer is it makes you appreciate when things are good. so, atleast for now, things really are good. brecken is 9 weeks old and she is at the precious stage of smiling and trying to talk and sleeping through the night a few nights a week (and she's more precious on those days ;)). i love her, but she's not the best baby i've ever been around. mine and brett's genes create some screamers (and none of them have hair). just some random thoughts to catch you up on our life...

- her name: everyone wants to know your baby's name, and when i tell them, they always say "what? brackett? bricken?". no. brecken. as in breckenridge. colorado. "was she conceived there?". good grief. so the story of her name. there's not really a good one, and there's not great significance to it. it was really brett's pick because i decided when i was pregnant that i was done having kids and that he wasn't going to get his boy after all, so he could atleast pick the name (and no, we're not committed to that decision, but you have to tell yourself that when you're pregnant). he loves skiing, and breckenridge was the first place he skiied, so he mentioned the name after seeing it again on a neighborhood sign. when i was a rho chi, there was a girl coming through rush named breckyn (and i'm sure someone out there will read this and know her, so you can tell her a random girl out there saw her name tag and named her kid after her). i saw her and thought she was beautiful and saw her name and thought it was cute. i never even met her but remembered that, so when brett mentioned the name, i agreed. i wanted to name her emmaline, so that became the middle name. k and b call her "breck-a-boo".

- speaking of k and b, they are the sweetest big sisters in the world. they ADORE their new baby...never a minute of jealousy or wishing it was still just the 4 of us. they live to hold her and help feed her and "pet" her.

- and speaking of names, i think brett and i may should have looked up the meaning of names before we named our kids. we looked them up recently, and look at their lovely meanings...

blakely: dark meadow or pale meadow (fine, but weird)

kennedy: helmet head

brecken: freckled

by the way, they all 3 show up under boy names.

- christmas: i still haven't posted a christmas update or pictures, which means it will probably never happen. it was not a good christmas, and that's blasphemous to say if in my heart i had celebrated what christmas was really meant to celebrate. i most definitely did not spend it celebrating a baby who was born to bring us peace and joy. the decorations and gifts and songs and food did not bring me life as i wished them to. why was i surprised? we still took pictures to look like we were one of those happy little families in matching pajamas by the sparkling fire looking down lovingly at our new baby sister (whose neck was breaking)...

-i still look a little pregnant. blakely asked me yesterday when my tummy was going to stop being big. i tried to go shopping today to find stuff to hide it, but brecken hates her car seat, so i had to carry her around the store. i tried to hold a shirt up to me to see how long it was, but i hit her in the head with the wooden hanger and she screamed, so i gave up and left and decided it went away with twins so surely it would go away with one.

- my rear view mirror has a new view and i love it so much. i hate the sounds back there because brecken screams and k and b complain about her screaming, but i know "this too shall pass", so i'm trying to soak up the views because i know it won't be this way forever...

- these 2 still adore each other and still don't know the meaning of personal space. i still look at them almost daily and wonder how the heck i got so lucky. i'm already worried about brecken not having a twin because i've never seen a sweeter relationship...

- brett turned 30 and caught up to me. k and b made him cupcakes. i let them make them anyway they wanted to and this is how they filled the pan. they were huge!

hope my long-lost blog friends are doing well!

brecken

2010-12-16T12:31:00.000-05:00

late reporting, but we have a brand new addition to the family...

brecken emmaline lane was born december 2nd at 10:33 am. she weighed 6 lbs 6 ozs and was 19 1/4 inches long. i miraculously made it to my scheduled c-section, and was 39 weeks, 4 days. she was (and still is) a little peanut to be full-term, but is perfectly healthy. she actually seems huge to us because she's the biggest baby we've ever had...twice as big as blakely was.

kennedy and blakely LOVE their new baby sister, but we've tried to keep them away for the most part. we keep her in our bedroom most of the time since she sleeps so much anyway. we want to get through her first month and get a little weight on her before we let the germs k and b bring home from preschool come on full-force. we know we can't hide her forever, but with newborns being susceptible to rsv, we're trying to hold off for a few weeks. it makes me sad because they both keeping making comments that "they're not big sisters" because they're not getting to hold her and change her diaper and feed her like they thought. in time...

life with 3 is crazy busy for now, but we sure love our 3 little girls.

recently...

2010-11-21T16:45:00.003-05:00

goodness, it's been weeks since i've updated. you'd think bedrest would mean hours and hours to sit on my computer, but a.) bedrest is a relative term, b.) i somehow find stuff to fill those hours and hours, and c.) shortly after bedrest began, kennedy spilled water on my computer and we had to take it to brett's computer guys who had to basically erase everything on it. luckily, all of our pictures were backed up on a hard drive, but it's taken me forever to get around to pulling them off of that to post here. a little updating...

- i'm still pregnant, and definitely feeling like that is quite a miracle. i'm 38 weeks now and my c-section is scheduled for a week from this thursday, and if i make it all the way that will be just crazy, but i'm so thankful she's been able to stay in and grow. i'm ready to not be nauseous anymore and to meet her and see that she is (lord willing) healthy, but i'm a little nervous about recovering from a c-section and figuring out life with 3 kids. people do it every day, so i know i'll survive, but it's going to be a change for sure.

- humongous (hyoo-mong-guhs) - adjective: my belly.
i have no idea how it will stretch out any more than this. i think my skin might rip. i know it's this way for everybody, but i somehow forgot how uncomfortable the end is.

- lots of scenes like this around our house, and i'm sure many more to come. we're guessing they might start taking a paci once the little one makes her appearance. i know they're used to sharing the attention since there's 2 of them, but not so sure how they'll do with a 3rd kid entering the picture:

- still no nursery, but we've made progress. the walls are painted (for the 2nd time because the first time didn't turn out quite as planned) and we're using one of kennedy and blakely's cribs, so the main thing left to do is pick out bedding, but i'm having a dilemma. i hate pre-made sets and i don't want anything to look like it's supposed to go together, i've looked everywhere i know to look, and i can't find anything i like. luckily, my mom can make anything, so all i have to do is find fabric, but i have a fabric i'm obsessed with and can't find it anywhere. it's a random neckroll pillow that i bought at pottery barn outlet a few years ago because i loved it and it was like $5. the problem is, i've never seen fabric i like better than this for the nursery, so everything i see i compare to it. i called pottery barn headquarters because i was so desperate to know the pattern name, read a number on the tag to the lady i talked to, and she said "oh, that's the annabelle neckroll pillow" without typing in the number. weird. problem is that's all she knew, and she didn't know anything else about other possibilities in the collection. i was so excited and made a mad dash to google to find that the annabelle i typed in was a different annabelle. not sure why they would name multiple patterns the same thing, but apparently they do. i went to ebay and typed in the same thing, and the only thing that came up was the same dang neckroll pillow. now i'm wondering if they only used that fabric for a neckroll pillow, but who uses neckroll pillows and why would you waste an amazing fabric on one? anyway, if anyone can help i will be ever so grateful. the walls are painted horizontal stripes with restoration hardware pale silver (a really light gray) and a white semi-gloss, so the fabric would be so perfect. here's the listing on ebay so you can see a picture of it, but it doesn't do it justice because you can't see the pattern very well:

http://cgi.ebay.com/Pottery-Barn-Pink-Annabelle-Neckroll-Pillow-Cover-New-/180056887369?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item29ec3a1049

i would buy like 20 of them and cut them up to make a bumper pad and crib skirt, but that would get kind of expensive and she probably doesn't have that many anyway.

- halloween: i'm really behind since it's almost thanksgiving now, but kennedy and blakely were brides and brett dressed as a groom to take them trick-or-treating. they were quite the talk of the neighborhood...an adorable little trio, if i do say so myself. you may remember these "costumes" from their birthday party (gifts from papa and grammy). we capitalize on the fact that our kids don't know it's an option to go out and get something new to wear for halloween, and we'll use their naivety as long as we can.

we carved pumpkins and they were pretty hilarious. we let k and b draw the face and brett carved them. here's kennedy's:

blakely's:

carving:

and the finished product (notice jay leno on the right):

- coach retired and i'm kind of sad:

http://blogs.ajc.com/georgia-high-school-sports/2010/10/19/dacula-high-football-coach-kevin-maloof-retires-because-of-health-reasons/

we haven't gotten to go to that many dacula football games between college, then living in orlando, then having 2 kids, but i loved the option of knowing i could always go re-live high school on a friday night. he's been at dacula since i was in 6th grade, so it will be weird for him to not be a part of the program anymore.

k and b cheering for grandcoach with riley and ansley:

- we went to a meeting 2 weeks ago regarding k and b's kindergarten for next year and yes, my heart has been ripped out of my chest just thinking about it. the school we're 95% sure they'll go to is not much different than the pre-school program they're in now because it's only monday through thursday 8:30-12, but there's something about the word "kindergarten" that makes me panic and wonder where the heck time goes. i know they're ready academically and will love it, but i feel like it's the first step in them going away forever. dramatic i know, but i want to keep them 4 forever.

- at my current rate, next time i get on to blog, i'm pretty sure i'll have a baby, and in the spirit of keeping it real, my anxiety has been through the roof the past 5 weeks. any big life change i go through throws me for a loop...not the change itself necessarily, but the unknown of what the change will look like. i seriously get nervous about vacation because i don't know what it will be like. i know babies are a blessing, and i mean it when i say i'm beyond grateful that god has granted me the privilege of carrying life, but i don't mentally smooth sail through much, and this is no exception. the good news is i have a lot of new sermon recommendations that have gotten me through the past month for those of you with time to listen to them.

1.) for the first week or so of bedrest, i about went crazy when forced to sit still. i was fine when i was shopping online or watching TV or doing something to fill the time, but i hated that when i tried to quiet my heart all i could do was think about everything else i should be doing, and the irony is when you're on bedrest you're commanded to be still, so i had one job...to be still. that was it and i hated it. so many people will tell you you're lucky and that they would love to be put on bedrest, but have you ever tried to sit still with your thoughts and not "medicate" your way through stillness with TV or internet or magazines? even after church this morning, brett and i talked about how we wanted to begin instilling the discipline of sitting still in our kids after we watched high schoolers who couldn't be in church an hour without talking to each other or playing on their phones (wow, i sound old). we live in a world where we never have to be bored. i can't even sit at a red light anymore without picking up my phone and looking on facebook and i hate my discontent with being still. one of the really good things that has come out of these past few weeks has been coming face-to-face with why my heart and mind are so busy, and this series met me where i am:

http://northshore1.org/messages.php

click on the series "slow"

i know i've talked about gary before on here. he was the head of the ministry i was involved with in college, and i still go on and listen to most of his sermons. i love every week of his teaching because of his ability to speak to my heart and point me to the hope of the gospel and not a list of "to-dos". this next series is from his church too:

2.) http://northshore1.org/messages.php
it's the current series "the journey"

i know there are a lot of sermons so far in this series, and i can't remember which ones have been best. they've all been good, but i think my favorites so far have been "the journey of thirst" and "the journey of idolatry". i've shared before about my struggle with medicating my way through life by running to things that don't seem that bad in action, but that are my way of trying to find life in things outside of christ: TV, shopping, being a good mom and homemaker, keeping a good reputation among people, you name it. substitute the word "idol" for what i've called "medication", and this series speaks to the heart issue behind my fight to find life in sources other than the living god.

3.) tim keller's the prodigal god series:

http://sermons.redeemer.com/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=category.display&category_ID=32

4.) http://www.perimeter.org/index.php?module=pfamily&submodule=content&section=37

steve brown's "the dark knight of the soul". i don't know if "knight" is a typo or not but the sermon is really good...it kindof goes along with the above series from northshore ("the journey") and he talks about the importance of not running from dark and hard times in your life.

i don't think there's a whole lot more that has gone on with us the past month. our christmas tree is up and all gifts are bought, wrapped, and ready, and our closets are stocked with diapers and all other baby essentials, so now it's just a waiting game. i know we'll have a busy month ahead as we welcome a new family member, and i'll try to stay more updated on the first weeks of her life. hope you've had a good weekend (actually month...ha!).

school pictures

2010-10-25T12:50:00.000-04:00

i just got a link to kennedy and blakely's school pictures and laughed so hard i cried. in all of the craziness of last weekend's hospital visit, i totally forgot that last monday was picture day. i remembered after brett had already gotten them ready and taken them to school, and yes, when daddy dresses them, among all of the little boys' sweater vests and little girls' pretty dresses, my kids definitely have on 2 year old faded gray "life is good" t-shirts. k and b aren't the most photogenic kids in the world anyway. i mean, i love them and think they're adorable, but they're cuter in person than in pictures, so they could have atleast used a hairdo and outfit. i e-mailed their teacher to apologize that their hair looked like a bird had built a nest in it and she said "well, we did brush it a little". regardless, kennedy's looks like cotton candy blowing in the wind and blakely's doesn't look much better. not the most flattering pictures they've ever taken, but i kind of want to buy them to remember a funny story. i wish i could copy and paste them here, but i guess you have to buy the digitals or something. if this link works, you can check them out here (blakely) and here (kennedy).

grateful

2010-10-18T13:23:00.000-04:00

we have been beyond blessed during this time to have an outpouring of offers to help. receiving is beyond awkward for brett and i both, but we're kind of at one of those places where we don't have a choice, so we couldn't be more grateful. it makes me feel a little dramatic because it's not like i'm sick or anything, so it's humbling to sit on a couch and watch other people do things that you should be doing yourself. my sweet husband hasn't sat down since saturday. it's a tough job to run a household and own a business. i have no idea how single or working moms do it all!

brett's brother and his wife took kennedy and blakely to a fall festival saturday night and they had fun with riley and ansley...

brett's mom spent her weekend doing all of our laundry (and it was no small task...to add to the chaos, our dryer has been broken for a week and we've been waiting on a new motor to come in for it, so a week of backed up laundry for a family of 4 is a bit ridiculous) and making us dinner and other treats.

my dad is taking k and b tomorrow, my mom is coming thursday to spend the day with us, and several friends are coming throughout the week to visit and have their kids play with k and b. my kids aren't kids who will play while i'm sitting on the couch. if i'm sitting, they want to be sitting right on top of me, which means i get to watch mickey mouse clubhouse because i don't trust much else on TV for my kids to see (and i feel guilty that they're sedentary for 6 hours straight). we've had a million calls and e-mails from friends and other family offering to help, that i'm sure we'll be taking them up on soon, and we really do feel so blessed to be surrounded by people who love us.

baby update

2010-10-16T22:57:00.000-04:00

well, i'm going to have a lot of time on my hands to blog, so i can start with an update as to why! brett and i spent last night at northside because i was having contractions every 3 minutes, and the doctor determined that i had started pre-term labor. everything is fine and i got to go home early this afternoon, but my cervix is starting to thin, and i have to take medicine every 6 hours to stop the contractions, and i'm on strict bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy...lovely with 2 kids (actually, lovely in general...it's so depressing!). the good news is i'm 33 weeks tomorrow, so they really just want me to make it to 36 weeks, which means i'm really only looking at 3 weeks of this. still, i'm nervous about her coming early because a.) she was measuring a week behind already, so i know she's not developed enough (enough to survive, but there is obviously risk of other complications if she comes soon), b.) i'm not ready for a baby (not that i would be in 2 months either, but i thought i had some more time to mentally prepare!), and c.) we still have a ton to do...she doesn't have a nursery, clothes, bottles, anything, and we haven't finished all of our "before baby" projects. it's a little weird to go from life being normal and thinking we had almost 2 months left to realizing my hands are tied for the rest of the pregnancy and that we could have a baby any day now....a huge test for my need for control. i'm probably being a little dramatic right now, but i thought this pregnancy was going to be different...apparently my body didn't get the memo that babies take 40 weeks to make! i asked the nurse why i can't seem to carry to term and she said that the baby may just not have any room left (i'm 5'4" and 5 feet of that is legs, so it's true that i have no torso space, but i fit 2 in there before)! we're really not sure what's going on, but please pray that she can hang on a little longer and develop fully! we so want this time around to be different, with a full term baby and no time in the NICU. i'll update when i know more. have a good rest of the weekend!

field trip

2010-10-07T10:29:00.000-04:00

well, i didn't have jury yesterday, so got to tag along with k and b on their first field trip (i've been asked a lot since my last post why it was a wednesday...i guess fulton county does it a day at a time instead of a week? not sure, but the recording on the phone said since i was on standby and didn't have to report "my service has been completed" so i'll take it). we journeyed to a farm in gainesville that had pumpkins and goats and christmas trees. some pictures from the adventure...

getting ready to go:

blakely asking kennedy why she smiles this way for pictures:

we don't know how to break it to her that it's a little fake because she thinks it's so beautiful:

with their friend kendall:

learning about magnolia trees and what they need to grow:

planting the tree:

blakely taking it all in:

kennedy getting ready for her turn to dig:

with their friend jane. she was their stand-in triplet for the day:

class picture. they were saying "hayride":

k and b and jane thought that was hilarious:

feeding goats:

getting ready for the hayride:

pretty scenery on the hayride:

feeding fish:

happy fall!

daddy's day

2010-09-30T14:33:00.000-04:00

kennedy and blakely had dad's day today at school. they were so excited to have their daddy come to school with them for baseball themed crafts, popcorn, and cookies. i worked one of the craft stations so got to watch all of the action.

speaking of school, their first field trip is next week. what are the chances that the very first time i've ever had jury duty would be the very same day as the first field trip of their entire lives?!? i'm so sad and praying that i won't have to go. it's one of those where you call in the night before, and i don't know what i'll do if i have to miss watching them pet goats and learn about pumpkins and christmas trees. i like to see their first everything, but i don't think fulton county cares about a mama's sentiments, so it's very possible that brett may be tagging along with all of the women.

weekend re-cap

2010-09-27T15:07:00.000-04:00

not much excitement around our house this weekend, but that's become the way i like it. i used to feel like a loser when we didn't have plans, but the more i've accepted the fact that i'm a homebody at heart, the more i delight in a weekend with nothing to do. it was so uneventful that i can't remember what we did friday night, but i know it involved k and b in bed at 7 and me in bed at 9. saturday night one of our couple friends came over for a (bad) night of football. the little cheerleaders involved brought us no luck...

and sunday was my favorite kind of day of all...the kind where you realize there's nothing more fun in the world than living with your 3 favorite people and spending the day hanging out and enjoying each other. we turned our living room into a giant pallet, ate junk for dinner, and rented "alice and the chickmunks". we were trying to find a movie that was kid-friendly but that brett and i wouldn't be miserable watching, and this seemed to fit the bill. brett seemed a little more entertained by it than i was (and maybe than k and b were), but i had so much fun watching kennedy and blakely that they were entertainment enough. they LOVE family time, and i soak it up because i know there will come a day they think we're dorks, and i love that it's their favorite thing in the world right now. kennedy would laugh so big at things that weren't even funny just because she was so happy to be having a "slumber party", and blakely kept rolling over and hugging me as tight as she could, saying "you love me five thousand and twenty one (the biggest number she could think of). you love me long as the cottage (how long it takes us to get to st. simons...her version of eternity)". such sweet little girls. of course the movie had a lot of singing and dancing, so this tapped into their love of the stage and we ended the night with all of the lights off and the flashlight out so they could have a spotlight on them as they performed for brett and i. and one little side note...i realized they may be embarrassed by this baby in my belly and i had no idea. at one point, blakely stopped the performance to say "ladies and gentlemen, my mommy only has a big tummy 'cause it has a baby in it". random.

family pictures

2010-09-23T06:52:00.001-04:00

we got our family pictures back from my sweet friend katie! they were meant to be maternity pictures, but i think there's nothing more awkward than posing by yourself, so we included the whole family in most of them. here are a few of them (and does anyone know why these are huge and the ones from my camera are small? we have the same camera). thanks katie! we love them! (and fyi, katie is offering her mini-sessions again in october, so if you need a picture for christmas cards, check out the info here )

grace upon grace

2010-09-20T16:22:00.001-04:00

warning: don't read this post if you find it inappropriate for people to share too much information with people they might not know. this is not a pretty part of the "life of the lanes", but a part of it just as well...

my depth of thought kind of took a hiatus over the summer. i've enjoyed mothering kennedy and blakely, and enjoyed being brett's wife, and really relished my roles in this season, and sometimes when things are good, there's just not as much of a felt need to process life and go beyond get up, live the day, go to bed and do it again. not that this is bad and we should walk around cornering people into deep conversations and being unable to relate to the world at large because we're in a bubble that a lot of people think is just weird. happy seasons are that...happy. and from a gracious god. the past 4 years i might have had more of a chicken-little-the-sky-is-falling attitude about life because it just wasn't easy, and i'm thankful for a season that has felt good and restful...especially with our new little addition coming soon. but for me, i become complacent easily...both with my relationship with the lord and with people. i'm thankful to be thinking again because it makes me feel alive, but sometimes i unfortunately learn best through pain.

this summer, in general, i've found it easier than normal to be "good." i know "good" is a relative term because different people have different struggles, but for me, it means not blowing up easily. i just sat here for awhile trying to think of a prettier way to put it, but there's really not another way to say it. i've struggled with anger my whole life. it's a masculine struggle, and i would much rather say that the thorn in my flesh is materialism or something normal to girls, and while i go through seasons where things like that are more of a struggle than others, i think the biggest thing that keeps me seeing my need for a savior...not just to get me to heaven, but to continually rescue me from myself...is anger. i don't go around getting in bar fights or even giving people dirty looks on the highway. i care way too much what people think to let the world see that side of me. and it doesn't flare up every day or even every week. my anger is much more dangerous because it's reserved for those in my very own house and they never know when it's coming. and it makes me sick.

this weekend brett was out of town camping for a bachelor party. i really hate being away from him more than i hate most things. maybe i have weird attachment issues. it's not that he never gets on my nerves, and it's most definitely not that we never fight, and there are times he might be happy to be gone so i don't tell him AGAIN to pick his freakin stuff up off the floor, but i don't like him being away, even for a weekend. he's never away from me and k and b except to work (i swear i'm not a slave driver who traps him at our house...he likes us too and likes to be home. i think :)) so i was really happy for him to get a chance to get away, especially doing something he loves. i had a baby shower to go to saturday, so i knew i was taking the girls to stay with my mom and coach, then going back there to spend the night saturday night, but i wanted to make the most of friday night. like i said, this summer has been sortof dry for me spiritually, and over the past 2 weeks, i've been learning a lot and thinking about a lot that i wanted to process. so i decided that friday night would be a good chance to put kennedy and blakely to bed at 7 and have a few hours to spend reading and journaling. so back to the anger.

like i said before, this summer was good. no major life changes (i mean, yeah i'm pregnant, but she hasn't come out yet so she doesn't affect family dynamics), discipline with our kids has proven to work after 4 years of feeling like it might never, brett's business is going well, and i've not really had many low days (meaning feeling depressed). there has been maybe a hard week here and there over the past few months, but nothing outside of what is probably normal for most people. since life has been good, and my emotional state has been good, i've managed my sin well on the surface. for me, anger is exposed during times of stress, which means i was angry with no means to pretend i wasn't for about the first 3 years of kennedy and blakely's lives. it's well-known to my cyber friends by now that i didn't have the best first few years as a mom. and anytime i feel out of control, since control is an idol i hold onto so tightly, it brings out anger in me. on top of not settling well into being a mom, i've dealt with insomnia for 4 1/2 years now. i need sleep about as much as a newborn. seriously. i never had a bedtime when i was little because i put myself to bed, and i was infamous in high school and college to pass out at 10 no matter how much fun everybody else was having. i like sleep and i need a lot of it, but now without medicine, i can only sleep 3 hours a night. well, as much as i hate taking medicine, i've found what works, and am able to sleep atleast 8 hours most nights. i kind of have a formula that i know works for me to be emotionally healthy: adequate sleep, a healthy diet, daily exercise, and a good balance of time with my family, friends, the lord, and alone (i think some might call me high maintenance). for the majority of the past 4 years, that balance was off, as i'm sure it is for most moms. actually, most people for that matter. well, the past few months, i've struck it pretty well, so i've begun to feel pretty self-sufficent (i.e. not much felt need for dependence on the lord).

i was feeling good about my plan to have a mini-retreat friday night. i think i will earn more of god's love when i'm spending time with him. no, i haven't fallen into bad theology. i know in truth that nothing about that statement is true, but there is a felt belief in me as a recovering legalist that i will earn god's favor through working hard for him. forget the cross and what it's already earned us as heirs, right? the day was actually pretty good. kennedy and blakely had school, so i went to my favorite class at the gym, had coffee with a friend before picking them up, came home and did a few loads of laundry and cleaned while they watched cartoons, took them to the pool that afternoon, then came back home so the 3 of us could have a girls' night sitting on the couch, watching hannah montana, and drinking hot chocolate (their favorite evening ritual). while we were watching tv, they decided they wanted to write on their dry erase boards that my grandmother had just given them the day before. they brought them to the sofa and i let them (key piece of information). after all, it's hideous from all the times they puked on it as babies (don't worry if you've sat on it...we've cleaned and sanitized it a million times. it's just really stained), so i'm not that picky with it, and we figure we'll get a new one when our kids are older, but let our house be lived in while they're little. anyway, i went to the laundry room to put another load of laundry in, and blakely came in and said "mommy, i accidentally wrote on the couch a little." and do you know why she was honest with me? because the me she has seen over the past few months (because the poor kid seriously spills everything) has continually thanked her for being honest and assured her that it was an accident and i knew she didn't mean to, and that it was just stuff anyway. the me of friday night blew up at her and told her she ruins everything. she ran away crying and the saddest thing of all is that i didn't care at the time. all of a sudden, my anger was tapped into and i could justify at the time that someone else had caused the anger in me; not that it was there, and someone living with me would naturally bring it out, but that my sin was okay because someone else made me do it. and a 4 year old at that. even as i write this, i can't get over the harshness of my words and the way she cried and the way i didn't care. instead of comforting her in her tears like you would expect a mother to do for her child, i sent her to her room so she could further feel the weight of how she had screwed up. i had been wronged and i wanted somebody to pay. forget the couch is so gross the marker would just add character, or that we could flip the cushions. it came down to the fact that there was sin in my heart and it was bound to be exposed. how can my anger be so severe that i can break the heart of someone i would honestly stand in front of a train for? after i cooled down, i went up to her room and talked to her about the way i had wrongly cast my wrath on her. i told her that i was frustrated that she wrote on the sofa, but that she was not the one who made me angry...the anger was there and her negligence just brought it out. when i told her it wasn't her fault and it was mine and i love her more than anyone in this world does we cried together...she with relief that i wasn't mad at her, and me over the ugliness of my sin. i held her and let her cry and she let me cry and i told her how hopeless i am without god's grace. it's always sweet to reconcile with my kids, whether it's my sin or theirs that causes the rift. but every time it's my sin, i just keep thinking over and over "when is their grace going to run out?" because before i put blakely to bed, i asked her if she forgave me, and her response was "of course mommy." but how many times do i have to have this talk with my kids about my sin and the way it affects them and the way it shows me my need for a savior before they say "enough with this gospel and grace thing?" so that's where i am. i wish i had a pretty bow to put on it to say i learned my lesson and will never snap at my kids again and that they're sharing the gospel with others because of these talks. but even with the endless well of god's grace for his children, sin still has consequences and still hurts those we love. i'm still trying to figure all of it out.

so the night ended not with me self-righteously giving my time to the lord, but sitting before a god who knows the depth of the sins hidden in my heart (even when i'm doing well managing them), weeping over the hurt my sin caused my little girl, and receiving forgiveness that is completely undeserved. yes, i learned a lesson about my constant need for dependence on the lord for anything good to come out of me, but i remembered too that there's a good chance my anger will well up again this coming week, either towards brett or kennedy or blakely. and god knows it, and he still loves and forgives me...not because i'm good or did good asking for forgiveness this time or felt sorry enough for it...but because the fit coming up was nailed to the cross along with our savior, just like the last one. i'm just praying to remember that and feel that because the pain of knowing how i hurt blakely and how there was a window of time i didn't care is still fresh and hard to let go of.

to brettlee

2010-09-15T05:51:00.002-04:00

once upon a time, you were a georgia frat boy and i liked your old school royal blue new balances and jacked up tahoe.

i liked the surface, but wasn't easily charmed by your type.

we met, and something in me was drawn to you beyond normal outward attraction.

you dug into the depths of my heart and showed me what was there. you fought through the confusion, anger, and messiness even when i pushed you away and tried to make you run.

i knew you were unlike any other guy i'd ever met.

eight years ago today you asked me to be your wife, and a little over seven years ago we entered into an amazing (and difficult) covenant.

marriage is hard. it hasn't been all bliss by any means, and some days have been harder than others (remember that time we had twins and they cried for a year?).

but all these years later, you continue to wade through the muck of my heart. you've truly loved me in a redeeming way, and i can say without a doubt that it's been the best years of my life.

pregnancy sickness diet plan

2010-09-13T07:29:00.002-04:00

i've been meaning to post this for quite awhile now, but just haven't gotten around to writing it all out. for those of you who have never been pregnant, just remember it because although you may get by with never being sick, there's a good chance you will, and it's miserable. i have so many pregnant friends right now that i can't really keep count, and i've told many of them i would pass this along. i've been nowhere nearly as sick this time as with my twin pregnancy, so i don't know if it would do much for you poor souls who throw up multiple times a day, but it may be worth a try. i lived on french fries and mcdonalds coke when i was pregnant with kennedy and blakely because i couldn't think of eating anything else, so i feel blessed that i've been able to branch out and focus more on nutrition this time. it's a vital part of pregnancy, and i'm convinced that malnourishment from not being able to keep anything down is part of the reason i developed preeclampsia during my last pregnancy.

the internet is my favorite invention ever because i'm a researcher and am probably on google about 8 times a day to type in random questions: what can i use to clean hardwood floors, what's a good substitute for capers in a recipe, what disease do you have if your neck is stiff? you name it, i've probably asked google about it, and i love learning new stuff in my quest for information. anyway, about 2 years ago, i was diagnosed with pre-diabetes and high cholesterol...strange when i'm somewhat of a health freak, but i have a horrible family history. i think vanity, which originally drove me to eat healthy and begin exercising nearly 10 years ago, ended up saving my health. i would be way worse off if i hadn't of changed my lifestyle. after my diagnosis, i spent some time researching ways to naturally manage blood sugar issues so i will hopefully never develop diabetes or have to go on medicine. after becoming pregnant this time, i began to research the causes of nausea in pregnancy, and according to my research, it's a combination of blood sugar swings and hormonal changes. hormones are obviously inevitable in pregnancy, but my belief was that if i could manage swings in blood sugar, i could manage the nausea, so i combined the two periods of research to come up with a pretty effective plan. i haven't gotten by with no nausea at all (and it's still here as i mentioned in my last post), but i only threw up on days i got lazy and didn't follow a plan similar to the one outlined below. the main idea behind it is to eat small high-protein and high-fiber combinations, and to eat atleast every 2 hours. i know that sounds crazy, and it is SO hard to force food down when you feel like you're about to puke, but i promise if you just push through it and make sure you keep the protein and fiber coming, you will be much better off. again, for those of you who are keeping nothing down, it may not work. i don't know if it would have worked for me with a twin pregnancy, but for those of you with nausea and occasional vomiting, it's worth a try. it's a lot of food and a lot of calories so you're going to gain weight, but that's an important part of pregnancy...not fun but worth protecting a growing fetus. and the amazing thing is that research has shown that protein is the key factor in preeclampsia prevention, so fighting nausea and toxemia seem to go hand-in-hand. i'm still dealing with nausea, but i can tell a huge difference in days when my diet is stable and high in protein and fiber. below is a sample day...it includes plenty of protein, fruits and vegetables (heavier on fruits than veggies because that's so much easier for me to get down), and dairy. i'm not sure about calories, but in my opinion, as long as you're not getting too many calories from junk while you're pregnant, you need whatever you can get down. i've worked out pretty hard so far, so i may have needed a little more than normal (not to mention, i think i just require more food than the average girl), and you may need to adjust a little if you're not exercising:

7am: plain greek yogurt mixed with 1 chopped banana and 1/2 cup chopped strawberries

9am: kashi granola bar (i like the crunchy ones), 1 cup chocolate milk (i'm sure regular would be better but it has grossed me out the past 7 months)

11am: 2 hard boiled eggs, 1 kiwi

1pm: salad with 2 cups romaine or spinach, 1/2 cup chickpeas, 1/2 cup corn, 1/2 cup cherry tomatoes, 3 ozs. turkey or chicken, whatever dressing you can handle (i think everything tastes weird when i'm pregnant, so i usually have to do some type of simple oil and vinegar)

3pm: handful of almonds, 1/2 mango

5pm: string cheese, apple

7pm: i could give good suggestions...grilled chicken or fish, a baked sweet potato, and steamed vegetables or a salad, but dinner in the beginning was always whatever brett's mom had made us to keep in the freezer or whatever he picked up on his way home from work. by this time every night i was on the couch. now it's whatever i cook, which is different every night and usually whatever i know brett likes (and he's a meat and potatoes kind of guy)

9pm: 1 cup chocolate milk, 1/2 cup grapes, 1/2 cup cantaloupe

middle of the night: in the beginning, if i woke up in the middle of the night, i would eat half of a protein bar (i like zone or balance bars because they're free of fake sugars) so i wouldn't wake up as sick.

i know this sounds like a lot of work, but i just try and take one day every week to chop up all of my fruits and vegetables and boil a bunch of eggs. this makes grabbing food quick and easy, and i'm much more likely to make healthy choices when it's right in front of me and ready. plus, i've always got healthy stuff ready for kennedy and blakely's breakfast, lunch, or snacks (and i know i'm lucky that they'll eat whatever i do, but most kids will atleast eat fruit). i had a lot of damage to un-do in them after those first few weeks of pregnancy when they lived on processed food and taco bell. and obviously, this diet is me being an idealist, but i most definitely haven't followed it perfectly every day....it's just a place to start if you know nothing about nutrition or haven't entertained the idea of trying to manage nausea with diet. if you don't like any of the foods i wrote out, choose your own; just try and get in atleast 9 fruit and vegetable servings, 2 eggs, 3 servings of dairy, and 100 grams of total protein (all recommendations of the brewer diet for preeclampsia prevention). also, as long as you're nourishing well, i'm of the school of thought that anything else is game. i had an aversion to sweets in the beginning, but now a day doesn't go by where i don't eat cheesecake or ice cream or something because that's just part of the fun of pregnancy (i just try to manage portions because knowing you've got to lose the weight doesn't make it as fun to gain).

hope this helps!

design change

2010-09-12T16:38:00.000-04:00

the blog obviously has a new look, and will hopefully make it where everyone can read now. i've had several people tell me over the past few weeks that they can't read our blog anymore...that it just comes up blank where posts should be and everything else is moved around to weird places...and after doing some research on the template i used, it seems to be a common complaint. for some reason, the glitch just randomly occurred, and it only affects those using internet explorer 6.0. anyway, maybe i'll get a custom look going one day, but i built one using blogger's basic template designer for now, so hopefully this one won't mess up. hope you've had a good weekend!

my babies are old

2010-09-09T16:35:00.002-04:00

guess who started school yesterday? well, maybe not real school, but 4 year old preschool. they'll be going 3 days a week, and though i'm excited for some alone time, something in me was a little sad that they won't be with me every day. not sad enough to not be ready for school to start, but sad. they're just so sweet and funny and i have loved spending every day with them this summer. it's so fun for them to be at the age where dinner conversation last night revolved around them filling brett and i in on their day...what they did, who they played with, what everyone brought for lunch. they really have turned into little people.

k has perfected her fake smile

b shrunk 6 inches for this picture?

i went and got a much-needed hair cut and i'm still trying to get used to it. he kept the length, but wanted to cut it for a center part. i've had the same part since i was 15, so it's a little weird for me. not to mention, my hair grows forward (weird i know, and the reason it's usually in a ponytail), which means a huge swoop good for side-swept bangs but hard for anything else. i know center parts are celebrity-esque, but i'm not exactly a celebrity so unless it gets trained fast, it's moving back.

baby #3 is doing well, but i must say i'm over the nausea. it let up around 18 weeks, but for some reason it's back and here all day long. i do love all of the kicking though. she moves more than kennedy and blakely did from what i can remember, and since there was 2 of them i think she's going to be an active little thing. i scheduled my c-section for december 2nd. our due date is the 5th, and my doctor wanted me to schedule for between 39 and 40 weeks, so we picked the 2nd because it's k and b's half birthday. with my birthday obsession, i also celebrate half birthdays (mine happens to be brett's birthday eve), so it seemed perfect. part of the fear i had in having another girl was that she'll never be part of kennedy and blakely's connection. with a 4 1/2 year age gap i'm sure they'll love and adore her, and she them, but no one can get in on their little world. i thought since they'll always have the same birthday and be celebrated on june 2nd, we could atleast celebrate 3's half birthday so she's not totally left out. now it's just a matter of making it to almost 40 weeks, which i really can't imagine. we had k and b at 34 weeks, so it adds another month and a half to the pregnancy. we reeeeaaaallly don't want another preemie though, so hoping to make it all the way.

hopefully life will slow down enough where i can get back to regular blogging. i've missed writing down memories to share with family and friends and look back on. more updates to come soon (hopefully)!

cfa gift card

2010-09-02T10:12:00.003-04:00

if you didn't sign up for their e-mails when i posted about the trader joe's gift card, plum district has one today for chick-fil-a: $5 for a $10 gift card (again, atlanta area only). not trying to start a deal blog...just wanted to pass it along because it seems to be a fairly new website, but i've already seen gift cards to target, trader joes, and chick-fil-a, so it's worth keeping in the loop on what they have to offer.

https://www.plumdistrict.com/?ref=u6ca336669f1

a couple of deals

2010-08-25T15:32:00.004-04:00

here are a couple of good online deals today. i know these are listed on other websites, but i wanted to pass them along in case you didn't come across them since they're time-sensitive. the first is today's groupon for orange county, which can be bought by anyone since it's an online deal. i know brett and i love going to movies, but it gets a little ridiculous that it's over $20 for us to go, on top of dinner and babysitting, so i'm excited for $4 movie tickets:

http://www.groupon.com/deals/fandango-email/?utm_source=aaspecial

as i write this, almost 33,000 have been sold. i think the inventors of groupon have officially been successful.

the next deal is on a site i had actually never heard of, but it sounds sortof like groupon or living social or any of the other sites like that. today's deal is for atlanta readers only, and only one "per purchaser" (i'm trying to figure out if that means brett could buy one too? i don't know if i should chance it since they're mailing them and could match addresses), but it's a $10 trader joes gift card for $5. i know $10 doesn't go very far, but it's something:

https://www.plumdistrict.com/?ref=u6ca336669f1

more free art finds!

2010-08-17T09:01:00.003-04:00

seeing as how i'm looking to do 2 kid/baby rooms on a budget, i'm really excited about this website i just came across! i'm looking for both the nursery and k and b's rooms to flow with the rest of our house...which means no baby look and nothing too matchy. i want a fresh, vintage look for both rooms, using pieces that can grow with them (or that i can use in other rooms of our house if they decide they want a new spin on their rooms when they're older with more of an opinion). anyway, that means the bulk of our investment will be on pieces such as pretty fabrics and light fixtures; not accessories. so i'm thinking for me, or any of you who love vintage (for a nursery or not), this is the perfect solution...

http://indiefixx.com/Feed_your_soul/downloads.html

it's a free art project, put together by a girl looking for an antidote to the depressing state of our economy. when asked "why are you doing this?", she says:

"Well, I love art and I know you do too. I also know that when people start to tighten up the purse strings they tend not spend money on things that aren’t necessary for survival, things like books, magazines and art. But, art is important for your soul. It helps rejuvenate, it’s thought-provoking, offers inspiration and can generally brighten an otherwise dreary day among other things. In addition to helping brighten your day and put a little spring in your step, I want to help promote some of my favorite artists."

rest assured you'll be seeing the result of her hard work in the majority of my upstairs rooms!

10 random happenings

2010-08-16T15:23:00.005-04:00

1. nevermind on the clock idea from my last post. it didn't work very well. shortly after we tried out our new plan, i slept one morning until 8:30, which NEVER happens. if i don't set an alarm to get up and have some alone time before k and b get up, they're my alarm clocks, so i usually see early mornings. i felt bad that they had probably been awake for 2 hours so i jumped out of bed and called upstairs for them to come down. they asked me why morning took so long to get here and i told them that they could have gotten up an hour ago, but missed 7:30. "well mom," blakely said. "when mommies and daddies put clocks in their little kids' rooms, their little kids don't know how to read them." oh, i see. thanks for the parenting tip, b. guess we'll try that again in another year or 2.

2. we have more house projects going on than we know what to do with. i think i can most definitely say i'm officially nesting. we are in the process of:

- re-doing our backyard (which i think we can safely say is on hold right now. we started the project, then found out we were pregnant, so it's on hold for the sake of the inside for now. i'll post pictures of its hideousness later).

- wallpapering our half bath. i'll post pictures when we're done.

- doing the nursery (the ideas are all in place thanks to my very talented friend kelly, who also deserves props for designing our half bath and k and b's room...now we've just got to buy all of the stuff, paint, hang new light fixtures, and get everything in place.)

- re-doing kennedy and blakely's room. you might remember that this (along with wallpapering the half bath and re-doing our backyard) was on my new years' list. we still haven't done anything to it, and we don't want to do the nursery before their room and them wonder why this new baby who is invading their life gets a prettier room than they do. so now we have to paint their walls, re-finish their beds and nightstand, hang a new light fixture, and get everything up on the walls BEFORE we do all of the above mentioned work on the nursery.

3. did i mention we have approximately 14 more saturdays before our baby is here and all of the above projects (with the exception of the back yard) have to be done?! and many of those will involve georgia football so we won't want to be working? and we're not rich so we need to get creative to fit it all in the budget? ahhhhh!

4. i have started christmas shopping. our goal is to have all of our gifts bought and wrapped by november. we will probably have a scheduled c-section mid- to late-november, so if it's not done by then, chances are someone else will have to play santa this year.

5. i'm 24 weeks pregnant and starting to freak out about pre-eclampsia again. i'm not having any signs, but i know my chances of developing it again are higher since i had it last pregnancy, so i'm stuffing my face with protein every chance i get. and it's miserable. i hate eating when i'm pregnant, and could most definitely live off of fruit. i feel full all of the time already, so eating is only out of necessity right now. i wish it could be that way all of the time. why is it when i'm supposed to gain weight i hate to eat, but when it's time to lose the baby weight i'll have to work out 2 hours a day to off-set my love relationship with food?

6. we had family pictures taken again this weekend, and blakely proved her decision to be good starting when she was 4. she was an angel and posed for every picture. k was a bit of a pill, but you know one has to be off.

7. brett and i will celebrate 7 years of marriage this coming sunday.

8. k and b start school in a few weeks, and i think i'm ready. i had fun with them this summer and didn't think i would be, but i think summer's been long enough.

9. school aside, i'm just SOOOOOOO ready for summer to be over!!! i've been going through the starbucks drive-thru and ordering hot chocolate so i could pretend like it's fall. the first few sips make me happy every time and take my mind on a little retreat to the mountains. i can't wait for the weather change and football and comfort food and pumpkins and pretty leaves.

10. kennedy and blakely started gymnastics. i'll post pictures when i upload them. they're obsessed with learning it all and i'm obsessed with watching them. call it sad if you want to, but it's the highlight of my week.

hopefully i'll get some pictures posted of all of our random happenings soon!

ramblings and a clock

2010-07-29T14:24:00.004-04:00

i think i've had writer's block for the past 4 months. i always want to think of some clever way to update you on our lives, but nothing comes to me. i'm 30 now. sounds like big news, but it's really not. it's been a fun month of celebrating so i might go through withdrawals now, but i felt loved and special, and i like my new decade. i know i've said it before, but i didn't love my 20s. a lot of great things happened...i mean i met, dated, and married brett, lived in 2 states, had 2 kids, and got pregnant with another...but to me, atleast in my experience, there's not much that's more refining than marriage or parenting, so the good things came with a lot of growing pains. besides, more than circumstances has just been this awkward decade of figuring myself out. looking back on it, i had no idea who i was at 20 and before. i didn't know what i was thinking or feeling. i hated those personality tests where you had to answer questions about yourself. i always answered them based on who i wanted to be. i remember doing one in high school, and i answered all the questions that i knew would diagnose me as "orange"...the fun, outgoing life of the party, because that's who i wanted to be. i knew it would be dorky when blue won and showed my ridiculous need for order and organization and deep relationships and alone time. i like being 30 because i know that's who i am and i know who god made me has been the basis for the way my life has shaken out. i know without a doubt i married the man more perfect for me than anybody in the world, and i know the way god made me is what drew him to me. i know the friends that i've walked through these past few hard years with are the ones i've connected with because of my make-up. i don't always love my personality make-up on paper, and i hate that when there's silence in a conversation i say dumb stuff to fill the space because i hate the awkwardness of it, and i hate that even if i saw one of my very best friends at the grocery store i would act awkward because it wasn't a planned meeting, and i hate how moody i am. but i do like that with age i start to care a whole lot less about trying to change my personality to be cool. i'm way more comfortable being dorky, and it's so much more fun that way.

really there's not much more depth to offer about my thoughts on life lately. i know i come out with random speeches every once in awhile about my latest revelations on life, but those usually happen when i'm not doing so well because that's when i'm forced into deep introspection and times of growth. pretty obvious why we're to count trials as blessings, huh? but right now, life is just good. i hesitate to even write those words because i know in 4 months, when our new little butterbean is here, i could be a psychopath. you know i didn't have the best experience with newborns before, so i'd be lying if i said i wasn't a nervous wreck. i've been fine up until now and could kind of pretend i'd never really have to take care of this baby outside of her living in me, but something changed when we found out the sex. i started to feel her move about the same time, and she became real and i remembered that she was going to actually come out, and i think i forgot how to take care of babies. i'm in a groove now with kennedy and blakely, and it's safe to say it's easy and fun and there are not many days anymore where i want to pull my hair out. there are some, but not many. as you know, blakely has been our difficult one most of these 4 years, but something has happened to that kid. she told me when she was 3 and horrible that she would start being sweet when she turned 4 and she did. she wasn't lying. we have had very few problems out of her since her 4th birthday. it just had to be her idea. we've had more problems out of kennedy, but i think that's been her adjusting to how to function when her role wasn't "the good one" anymore. we've tried lately to give her more attention so she can start seeing her value in other ways than good performance. i think it's going to be a lot of years of figuring out their dynamics as they get older and trying to parent them as individuals accordingly, but for now, i think i'm just in a honeymoon phase. i love to watch my kids talk and play with each other and can't believe there was a day i didn't like them. maybe it feels so good because the first 3 years were so hard, but i'm just in a sweet spot right now. not only are k and b sweet and fun, but pregnancy is good. i never understood people who said they liked being pregnant, but it's got to be because of this 20ish week mark. the nausea ended about 3 weeks ago and i only get sick now if i go longer than 3 hours without eating. zits, heartburn, and the uncomfortable hugeness aren't here yet, so i'm in that good in-between spot where i can still work out hard and do pretty much whatever i want to do, and sometimes i forget i'm pregnant. i'm trying to soak it up right now because believe me, i know what's to come and i DREAD it! i've never known misery like the heartburn i had at the end of my first pregnancy, then once the baby's here, i know it's no sleep for awhile, and then i get to create a new rug for my bathroom floor when the baby is 3 months old (for those of you who've never had a baby, or who's baby is less than 3 months old, get ready. the clumps of hair that fall out everytime you touch your hair are ridiculous. my hair's really thick and i really think i had a receding hairline). anyway, kind of like all of the lessons learned in my 20s, i know it's all for good and i'm excited for this new little life, but i know i better enjoy the bliss of these next 2 months before the hard times come. then again, maybe it was twins and won't be as bad as i think, but i like to prepare myself for the worst so i can be pleasantly surprised when it's better. for now, i'm just enjoying life as it is.

onto lighter things...we put a clock in kennedy and blakely's room yesterday. they're crazy early risers. they wake up at 6 or 6:30 most mornings, and they don't wake up and read books quietly in their bed. whoever wakes up first wakes the other up, then it's time for one of their concerts. they get on the stairs and sing, or come downstairs and talk reeeaaaallly loud. i guess they missed each other while they slept and have a lot to catch up on. it hasn't been a problem so far, but we realized that it's not going to fly when our new little one is here. i don't know yet what kind of sleep schedule she'll be on, but it will obviously be different than theirs and we're trying to start teaching them to be quiet and respectful while others are sleeping. anyway, brett showed them what 7:30 looks like on their clock, and told them that's when they get to come downstairs, and until then, they are to play in their room. they don't like this new idea. this morning i was sitting on the couch drinking my coffee and was entertained by their conversations revolving around their new clock. i think 7:30 is the only number they recognize so they were scared to death to miss it in case it passed without them seeing it. they must not have taken their eyes off of it because i heard one of them say something about "seven thirty" every 45 seconds, and every 50 seconds kennedy yelled out "i'm 'hongry'". when it was finally time for them to come down, blakely informed me that she wanted to come down at "that different o'clock. not that thirty o'clock. it took too long". i kindof like our new system and am excited about quiet and peaceful mornings.

have a good rest of the week and weekend!

it's official...

2010-07-21T15:53:00.003-04:00

...the next 20 years are going to be full of drama and crazy emotions! it's definitely a little girl. she looks just like kennedy and blakely did in their ultrasound, button nose and all, and believe it or not, it made me excited for another wild little girl to follow her sisters around (and maybe be different and calm, but that would just be too weird in our house). brett already says he can't get a word in between me and k and b, so can you imagine!? now it's time to dig out the few clothes i have left over from k and b. i gave most of them away because i swore when i had 2 screaming babies for 7 months that i would never go through this again, so she may spend the first 6 months in a diaper, but that's how we roll with our babes anyway. as i write this, blakely is running circles around the house with nothing but her "hair" on, and just came in to tell me "guess what i just did? i stood up on the toilet to tee tee" and now kennedy just ran in naked and stood up on my bed to demonstrate what blakely just did. this little girl has no idea what she's in for!

perspective check

2010-07-15T15:28:00.004-04:00

i was just reading a blog that i keep up with {fly through our window} and came across this post and video (scroll to the post from july 11 and the video is at the bottom). i don't know this family, but you've got to click on the video of hannah grace's princess party. i could compose myself while the video showed other people or details of the party, but there's no seeing her tired little face and not sobbing like you know her. and to think that she is k and b's age and to know the energy and life of a 4 year old. i just can't imagine how painful it is for these parents to watch their little girl suffer. it's the hardest i've cried in quite awhile, but a much-needed perspective check and reminder to soak up the time we have with the little lives we take for granted.

vbs

2010-07-15T14:40:00.003-04:00

today wraps up kennedy and blakely's last day of vacation bible school at mimi and gdaddy's church. we had a parents' night open house last night where we went through the "worship rally" they do and got to watch them jam to all of the little songs they've learned this week.

they have come home every day talking about this dog. they loved him! shocking given their repulsion to the chick-fil-a cow and monkey joe and chuck e. cheese...

i love when they have a new experience like this because it gives them weeks of new material to spark their imaginations. ever since i picked them up today they've been performing their "yee haw" song and making name tags with sharpies and masking tape to put on all of the fake kids they seem to see. they went to another vbs a few weeks ago and they're still having fun performing all of the songs. we had some people over a few nights ago to do some survey stuff and as soon as these strange men walked in our house, they threw on their "hair", climbed on the fireplace, and started performing. they seriously still think everyone that comes in our house has been invited to their performances. definitely no confidence issues with these girls.

lots of updates

2010-07-12T10:46:00.005-04:00

gosh, it's been forever since i've updated on our lives. summer has been way busier than i expected. i was afraid of getting bored, but no time for that. i'm trying to soak up my last few months with 2 kids. i have a feeling life with 3 is going to be a little crazier.

first of all, i went to the doctor a few weeks ago for my 16 week check-up. i was supposed to just hear the heartbeat, but the doctor couldn't find it because i had to pee. seriously, my bladder was too full. i had to wait forever, just like every other time i go to that place, but i'm afraid to leave the waiting room in case they call me and can't find me, so my bladder was about to explode when i finally got back to see the doctor. brett didn't come to this appointment, so when the doctor told me they were going to have to get me in for an ultrasound right away, i was excited at the thought of finding out the gender 4 weeks earlier than expected, but sad that brett wasn't there. not to worry though. we have yet another stubborn kid on the way. baby wouldn't cooperate, despite the ultrasound tech beating on my belly with that gadget they rub on you. i think i stopped breathing for about 3 minutes, half hoping it would help, half not able to from my nerves, but the umbilical cord was between its legs. she looked and looked, then announced that she "thinks it's a girl". she said she "wouldn't go out and buy anything", but she's so frickin conservative that she wouldn't even guess at our last appointment because it can be wrong, so i'm kind of trusting her on this one. i will admit that i was a little sad the rest of the day. everything in this pregnancy points to a boy, and we've asked god for a boy, but that might just not be his will for us right now (or ever, but i have a hard time saying that). selfishly, i wanted "permission" to never be pregnant again, but we would love to have one of each, so i guess we're keeping our options open now, and i'll possibly get to have the stomach flu for another 3 months :) of course, the tech could have been wrong, and it could still be a boy, but i can honestly say, not because it's the socially correct thing to say, but because i really mean it, that i'm totally happy with either. it's not the script we would have written, but neither was having twins, and nothing in this world brings me greater joy than watching my sweet little girls grow up together. besides, when i watch them, i wonder how on earth i could ever not want another one. i love little girls, and i'm sure i would love a little boy too, but we've just got to trust that god knows what he's doing. not that i'd be sad if we go back in a week and she was wrong...

on another note, our kids have switched personalites for the 49th time in their 4 short years. blakely is an angel now and kennedy is a rebel. i'll never figure these kids out, but i wish they would have a meeting and decide to both be sweet for a few days on the same day. i sure do love them though. have i told you lately how much i love 4 year olds? life is so fun right now, every day of it, and i'm trying to take it all in before it's time to figure out life as a family of 5.

onto other fun things going on, brett's countdown of my 30 days til 30 has begun. yep, the end of this month i'll enter the next decade. i could do without the "fine lines" that have decided to find their way to my face since having kids, but i'm excited about my 30s. i think the 20s are hard and confusing and 10 years of trying to figure out who you are, and i've learned more than i ever thought i would, but i wouldn't want to do it over again for anything. i LOVE birthdays, and everyone who knows me knows that includes my own, and my sweet husband never fails to celebrate it well. he says it's his favorite holiday (sweet, right?...probably not true, but sweet words and i'll believe they're true if i want to), and he's the best gift giver/surpriser i've ever known, so this year was no exception. his plan was to give me a gift every day for the 30 days leading up to my birthday, but he started the countdown off with this...

...so i'm thinking the gifts will go downhill from here :) and how adorable is the little bow on this humongous car (and you can't see but it says "happy birthday")? needless to say, it was a fun surprise, and my other tahoe didn't have a third row or dvd player, so this one will make hauling 3 kids around soooo much easier. he called this my "birth month" gift, then made a good observation about months...this means i've seen 30 julys. if you're 30, doesn't it seem like you've seen july so much more than 30 times? such a random thought he came up with, but i thought it was true and it made me giggle, so i thought i'd share.

and finally, another reason i've been out of touch is we spent the last week and a half in st. simons. the first week we were there with my mom and coach, aunt and uncle, brother and sister-in-law, and cousin and his friend, then brett's dad and stepmom came down for the weekend. k and b hate the beach, and i'm secretly glad. the beach is great if you can take a chair, book, and cooler and spend the day there, but with kids, by the time you load everything up, haul it to the beach, and sunscreen them up, it's time to go back in for lunch and naps. they hate the sand getting them dirty and brett and i are right there with them, so we spent most of our days at the pool. good news is k and b pretty much learned to swim. i wouldn't throw them in the deep end or anything, but they do pretty well if they're in the shallow end and can touch when they want to. brett had to work some, but he was able to spend a good chunk of most days with us. some pictures from our trip...

heading to the pool in the jeep

in a silly face phase

with gabby at bubba garcias

wiped out

gabby and grandcoach

k at the playground

b at the playground

b dramatically telling one of her intense stories

k

b. and yes, i think they look adorable in pigtails, but they won't leave them in for anything.

we have another appointment in a week and a half to find out gender for sure, so i'll update soon! happy july!

clarification

2010-06-18T08:01:00.003-04:00

i had a comment from yesterday's post that made me realize i should clarify. i called the baby "he" because that's what we like to call it, but we don't know for sure that it's a boy :) it'll still be another 4 weeks before we know. we still THINK it's a boy, but our first parental intuition on this child could be totally off. i'll keep you posted!

k and b birthday

2010-06-17T07:49:00.001-04:00

a long overdue update of kennedy and blakely's birthday...

the day started a little rough. about 2am the morning of their birthday, i heard blakely crying upstairs. they rarely wake up in the middle of the night anymore, so even though in my phenergan induced zombie-like state i wanted to ignore it and let her cry herself back to sleep, i figured something must not be right. i went up to her room, and she was sitting up in bed confused about what had just happened to her. "i coughed and spit" she said. "i coughed and spit". the room was dark and i didn't want to disturb kennedy, so i took her downstairs and asked her to tell me what was going on. "i, i coughed, then i, i burped, then...i spit it all". yep, she puked. poor little thing hadn't done that since she was a baby spitting up and had no idea what had just happened to her. she apparently caught the stomach bug going around, and spent the rest of the night in our bed throwing up every 30 minutes. she did good giving me ample time to grab the trash can each time so miraculously there were no sheet changes other than the one on her bed, but it definitely made for no sleep and a pitiful little girl. she cried so hard each time and said "i don't like it" over and over again, but luckily stopped around 6 and she and i slept until 9 while brett got up with kennedy. when we were finally able to roll out of bed, we took them to a new little breakfast place in alpharetta called the red hen. we had gotten a groupon for it awhile back and decided it would be a good morning for it. we then let them go pick out a special birthday surprise, and they both wanted a princess nightgown...the same one of course, and instead of staying out and doing more fun things, they wanted to go back home so they could put it on and priss around the house in it...but decided for fun they wanted to mop?!

after naps, we took them for their first manicure. they are both nail biters, and we told them a few weeks ago if they would stop biting their nails, we would take them to a real place like mommy goes to get their nails painted. if you have a problem with nail biting, thumb sucking, anything, we've found a magic cure. not bribery, but mavala. we got it from our dentist friend, and it worked in a day. it's reeeaaaallllly bitter, and one lick does the trick. they both cried when it got in their mouth, and we felt like child abusers, but it really just took a day of it and the nail biting was cured. anyway, they picked out the same bright pink, and sat still while the lady painted their nails, but gave her dirty looks when she asked them questions. not the friendliest kids. we ended the day with dinner at jason's deli. we tried to let them pick, but of course they picked different places...blakely chick-fil-a and kennedy mcdonalds, so we compromised with jason's "jelly" (i.e. the sick pregnant mom picked the only thing i thought i might be able to eat). i think we're going to have to start celebrating their birthdays on different days or i guess we'll always run into this problem. the hard life of being a twin and having to share your birthday with someone else ;) the day ended with brett making them cupcakes (4 each because they're 4...and they licked the icing off every single one), and princess "gobbles". does anyone else buy their kids gifts from dollar tree? they don't know any better and they get plenty of real stuff from grandparents ;)

the next day was the dreaded well check with our pediatrician. for anyone without a 4 year old, this visit is horrible. "4 at 4" refers to the number of shots these poor kids get. this is the first year k and b have been reluctant to go to the doctor. thankfully they are healthy little girls, and we've only been to the doctor for sick visits twice since they were 2, but for some reason they were not excited to go. before we left, kennedy asked me if they were going to put nails in her like they did jesus, and i really didn't know what to tell her because i'm guessing she was referring to shots. on the way, they concocted a plan that they were going to give the doctor a mean look, then growl at her, then throw her stuff away. scary. the visit was fine and they did great until shot time. k went first and a nurse got on each side of her to give her a shot in each leg at the same time, then the other. we made the mistake of keeping blakely in the room, and the only thing worse than her fear of being hurt is seeing someone hurt her sister, so when kennedy started crying, she fell apart. she tried to jump out of my arms and run away, which made holding her down when it was her turn even harder. there is no worse feeling than having to hold your baby down so she can be hurt (and not understand that it's for her good). so glad that's over.

a few days later was their birthday party with family. they said for days after how much they loved their party. they love all of their grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins, food, cake, attention, and GIFTS, so it was their perfect day. a few pictures from the day...

brett's brother smoked a few pork butts and we had traditional barbeque fare

party favors

my attempt to get a picture of them together. this is seriously what they BOTH did when i told them to look at me and smile.

our family (including #3, who makes sure everyone sees him)

hilarious attempts at smiling

outfit change #1...wedding gowns from papa and grammy (and my dad reminding me that they would be wearing real ones before i knew it). and i'm well aware their hair looks so 80s...it was my attempt at trying to do something with it.

had to strip down and try on everything they opened

another change

and another

cakes made by mimi

long day

anyway, that's a short (but long) re-cap of k and b turning the big 4. still can't believe they're that old. and in other news, i'm still nauseous around the clock, but not as tired anymore, so pregnant life is getting a little better. i have an appointment next week, but i think it's just to hear the heartbeat. and one prayer request...brett's stepdad's cancer is back and he had surgery this week, so please pray for healing for him if you think about it. have a good rest of the week and weekend!

life as a wife

2010-06-09T14:07:00.002-04:00

i started a class at my church last night called wisdom for wives...a 10 week study on growing as a wife. this was a hand out they gave us and i had to share. it made me laugh, both seeing what was suggested to wives in the 50s, and how life as a wife looks now for the most part. i could make fun of the 50s "suggestions", but the truth is, i would love for life to look like this at my house. if i were married to a jerk, i think i would have burned it, but i'm married to a man who truly deserves a wife like this, and it's what i want him to have. now to deal with the little problem called "me" :)...

1950's home economic textbook advice for housewives
the following is from an actual 1950s home economics textbook, intended for high school girls, teaching them how to prepare for married life...

1. have dinner ready: plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal prepared on time. this is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed

2. prepare yourself: take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. he has just been with a lot of work-weary people. be a little gay and a little more interesting. his boring day may need a lift.

3. clear away clutter: make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. then run a dust cloth over the tables. your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.

4. prepare the children: take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. they are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

5. minimize the noise: at the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, or vacuum. try to encourage the children to be quiet. greet him with a warm smile and kiss, letting him know you're glad to see him.

6. some donts: don't greet him with problems or complaints. don't complain if he's late for dinner. count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.

7. make him comfortable: have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lay down in the bedroom. have a cool or warm drink ready for him. arrange his pillow or offer to take his shoes off. speak in a low, soft, soothing, and pleasant voice. allow him to relax and unwind. (this one made me laugh the hardest...brett would think i had lost my marbles and would ask what i wanted him to buy me if he came in to this)

8. listen to him: you may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. let him talk first.

9. make the evening his: never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to be home and relax.

10. the goal: try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.

can you believe this is from a textbook? wouldn't a school like get sued or something if they taught this now? i know these are extreme and don't necessarily fit into our "culture" anymore, but i would love for our home to be one where our girls grow up seeing me put brett and his needs before my own each day; where they get to see a marriage of "gospel re-enactment" (in the words of tim keller), with us each pouring out our lives for the other. truth is, i don't want me, my house, or my kids to look too good when he gets home. i've gotta make sure he knows it's tough work raising our wild girls and making a new life in my belly ;) putting someone else (or 3 someone elses) first day after day, and doing it with joy, is definitely never something i'll be able to do out of my own strength.

the other handout, an updated version, is definitely more relatable....sad but true.

the 2000 version

1. have dinner ready: make reservations ahead of time. if your day becomes too hectic, just leave him a voicemail message regarding where you'd like to eat and at what time. this lets him know that your day has been crappy and gives him an opportunity to change your mood.

2. prepare yourself: make sure to change out of your work clothes into something comfortable. who cares if he likes it or not...after all, it's most likely his t-shirt and boxers.

3. clear away clutter: yeah right! tell the kids and your husband if they want maid service, they better call one!

4. prepare the children: send the children to their rooms to watch television or play video games.

5. minimize the noise: yell to him over the loud music your kids are playing, that this is what you had to put up with while he was gone. and mention that it was his decision to buy the kids a new CD player in the first place.

6. some donts: don't greet him with problems and complaints. let him speak first, and then your complaints will get more attention and remain fresh in his mind throughout dinner. don't complain if he's late for dinner; simply remind him that the leftovers are in the fridge and you left the dishes for him to do.

7. make him comfortable: tell him where he can find a blanket if he's cold.

8. listen to him: but don't ever let him get the last word.

9. make the evening his: never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or other places of entertainment; go with a friend or go shopping (using his credit card). familiarize him with the phrase "girls' night out"!

10. the goal: try to keep things amicable without reminding him that he only thinks the world revolves around him. obviously he's wrong; it revolves around you.

summer fun

2010-06-07T03:26:00.001-04:00

my friend/4th cousin/i can't keep up because i'm related to everybody from dacula in some way (crystal, is the lineage right?) has a blog where she posts good deals she finds, and recently listed cheap summer activities here. it is a huge, almost never-ending (in a good way) list of things to do in the atlanta area. i know this has been circulating via e-mail, but i thought i would link to her post in case you haven't gotten it. i'm always looking for things to do with k and b and as a family, especially since we'll have 3 extra days with no school and no church activities during the week, so i was so, so happy to have some ideas! this will definitely be my go-to guide for long summer days! also, i've got some pictures to post of k and b's birthday, but i still have to put them on my computer, so i'll get them up as soon as i get around to it. happy monday!

four

2010-06-02T02:40:00.000-04:00

i've wondered since i began this blog how i would mark another year of kennedy and blakely's lives. it's hard to sum up 4 years of life when you combine all of the memories with the crazy and indescribable way you love your kids. plus, i didn't have this blog the past 3 years, so i've never captured the previous years. in a nutshell, this post is loooooooong. it's especially hard pregnant because i pretty much cry over anything anyway these days; putting words to my love for k and b might flood the house. of course these are things they obviously can't read yet, but will hopefully appreciate one day:

four years of k and b in pictures...

first time i saw you girls (or atleast remember seeing you):

kissing each other goodbye in the hospital when it was time for kennedy to go home without blakely:

finally together at home:

how the first few months were spent:

this was our first family photo shoot (and last for 3 years) and the day we realized you would probably never like the camera. do you like how me and daddy posed and left you two on the ground to hang out? who does that? yall look fake. see, you weren't the only ones who had a lot of growing to do...

one year (and a hilarious depiction of your personalities then):

two:

three:

and now (most random picture ever. you look like caged animals but for some reason i can't find any recent ones of you together):

you both:
-spell and write your name and spell nicole and brett.
-write all of your letters but write most of your numbers backwards.
-love dressing up. if we're home, you've got on a princess dress.
-live half of your lives as though you're in the sound of music. i have to be maria more than mommy, and i definitely have a 3rd child named "fregrent".
-love fashion and approve of or critique my outfit every day.
-love to read with me.
-love family time. any time the 4 of us are together and having fun, one of you will look up beaming and say "we're having a family".
-never want to be apart from each other, and never stop talking to each other. never.

you both still:
-say "mama hold you" sometimes. it's the one gramatically incorrect thing i'll never ever be able to correct. nothing melts me more than the innocence of that phrase.
-let me have the whole hair cut budget to myself. and get really sad that your hair is not long like all of the other little girls. good things come to those who wait ;)
-won't wear bows in your hair.
-love and look out for each other more than i've ever seen in 2 siblings.

-love to eat and love to know what you're eating is healthy (your favorite nutrient is "fiver"...mama's girls).
-have to have your blanket to go to sleep and suck on the corners to comfort yourself. you turn the blanket around and around until you've wet all the corners, then go to sleep.

kenna grace,
i still can't believe i've only known you 4 years, when now i can't really remember my life without you. here you are at 2 days old. it had been a rough and scary pregnancy, so i was beyond relieved to have you here and healthy (though small and premature):

you stayed at northside for 2 weeks until you were strong enough for us to bring you home. here you are wondering where your womb-mate is:

you cried alot the first 7 months of your life, but after that, were pretty content and easy-going. here you are at one:

two...

three...

and now...

you love reading, dressing up, blakely, and being with people. you always want to know what we're going to do and who we're going to see. you can pitch a fit with the best of them, but when i give you a look that says "really?", you start laughing. you can't stay mad for long. you have the sweetest heart i've ever seen on a kid. you are a people-pleaser by nature, and so obedient. when you see someone hurt, you cry with them and long to protect those you love. i can't not smile when i see your big smile, missing tooth, and deep dimples. it lights up your whole face and your beautiful blue eyes. i feel like you'll always be pretty grounded, but i pray that you'll always know it's not your good performance that makes us love you. i'm sure we'll go through rough times like we already have, but no matter what, i will always be more proud than i can tell you to be your mom. i love you forever and always; so much more than i can begin to tell you with my words.

blake,
when i met you 4 years ago, you were the tiniest baby i had ever seen. you needed special care, and a month in NICU to grow strong enough to come home. i know we talk a lot about your strong will and fighter mentality, but i'm pretty sure god used that to keep you alive in the womb and out.

i still cry everytime i see this picture and remember how scared i was that you would never live a normal life. when i was pregnant with you, the doctors told me you girls would possibly die or have cerebral palsy. i forget about those long, scary days all too often and take for granted that you are not only "normal", but one of the sharper 4 year olds i know.

this is when you were finally big enough to come home, but still hooked up to your heart rate monitor...aren't you huge?!

this pretty much sums up what most pictures your first 6 months look like. i think we were too tired to put clothes on you.

you had a rough start. you had surgery when you were 3 months old to remove a hemangioma that was infected from irritation from your heart rate monitor strap. no wonder you cried all the time.

we made it through a year...

then two...

three...

and now we're here...

you still wear "hair" on your head, resist help because you like to do everything yourself, color in the lines perfectly, and are really, really funny. you're the leader of the pack with your sister and your friends. you put up a tough shell, but have the most tender little heart when you're broken. your heart is most revealed when it comes to kennedy. you'd do anything for her, and long for her happiness almost as much as your own, which is pretty rare at this age. i think you'll probably rebel as a teenager, but take really good care of me when i'm old.

blakely, i know we battle it out a lot. i know we drive you crazy somedays trying to teach you obedience, patience, manners, respect, and to one day know and fear our lord. some days i want to pull my hair out. but there's no one in this world who has ever existed or ever will that i would trade you for. because ultimately, though necessary to function in society and convenient for me as a mom, i don't want your obedience, patience, and respect. i want you and everything that goes along with you. i love you no matter how messy it gets sometimes. thank you for teaching me that you're really what i look like too, and how my heavenly father loves me in the same way, only in an infinitely more perfect way. i thought it necessary to perform and you've shown me how far love goes beyond that. i love you with everything in me, and it grows deeper each day.

happy birthday to my sweet little angels! i'm so proud of the little girls you're growing into.

first day, last day

2010-05-24T11:59:00.003-04:00

k and b are done with their first year of preschool...hard to believe. here they are on the first day:

and last:

their hair and bookbags both grew. happy beginning of summer!

jonah and the whale

2010-05-20T07:55:00.000-04:00

i love family dinners on school days. the girls always have a lot to tell daddy about their day at school and all they learned. the latest from kennedy:

picture catch-up

2010-05-19T04:59:00.002-04:00

i've been bad not only about taking pictures lately, but transferring them to my computer as well. and while we're on this topic, does anyone know how i can make them show up bigger on my blog? i finally did it, so here's some catching up on our past few weeks through pictures...

k and b at their class party:

mother's day at my mom's:

we set up a slip-n-slide type thing in the back yard

licking the water off her face

kole freezing

laney

just had to

i hosted a baby shower for my friend teri. it was a small girls' dinner party with friends from college, and i loved having a small group for more intimate conversation:

my friend kelly let me borrow her stuff to create an egg and nest theme. she was an interior designer before becoming a stay-at-home mom, and has way better taste than me, so i love borrowing her ideas. (thanks k!)

see if you can spot the mud in our backyard in the back ground of this picture. more to come on that project.

4 of the 6 of us are pregnant. 3 know the sex and are all having boys. think i'll join them?!

i know summer's here because our living room floor has turned into a swimming pool. k and b put their "gobbles" on and swim on the rug...

then take an "underwater nap"...

does this picture make anyone else want to cry? my babies are growing up. we had to move them to booster seats to make room for another car seat in my car. they were big enough, and it's much easier, but i almost cry every time i look back and see a real seat belt instead of a britax keeping my girls safe. i'm not ready for them to turn 4:

and to end on, the ever-growing, humongous belly. this was taken at 10 weeks, but quite honestly i think this picture makes it look smaller than it is:

and coach's surgery went really well yesterday, so thanks for your prayers!

good read

2010-05-17T08:40:00.002-04:00

this weekend was pretty low key. brett and i had a movie night after we put the kids to bed friday night, then had our nephew riley's t-ball game and niece ansley's birthday party saturday. i forgot my camera AGAIN, which seems to happen at every event since i got the thing. maybe i subconsciously feel silly pulling out the humongous machine and keep waiting for people to call picture man over and pose when i've got it (georgia friends, does he still exist? i'd hate to know how much money i gave him over the years). sunday was lunch with my mom and coach, then a day of lounging at home and reading with the fans on and windows open...perfect, and just what my soul needed to remember how very much i love my home and the 3 people living in it with me, and all of the blessings i've wanted to ignore lately. speaking of coach (that's my stepdad for those of you who don't know. it's coach because he's my high school's football coach, but he and my mom married when i was in college. coach stuck, and has now become grandcoach), please pray for him if you think of it. he was diagnosed with prostate cancer a few months ago and is having surgery tomorrow. they caught it early, so hopefully will be able to remove it all. we'll be spending the day at st. joseph's with he and my mom, so any prayers you can send his way for a successful surgery and recovery would be appreciated.

on another note, my friend keri, who was a friend/acquaintance in college, but who i've now realized through blog land i think a lot like (and if we saw each other in person might never stop talking), posted this as a comment to my last post, and i loved it and wanted to share. the writer put what i've been feeling so well, and i loved the reminder of how fleeting this time is (and of course cried over the thought of looking in my rear view mirror and not seeing their little heads). my latest thought of k and b being a fourth of the way to driving is killing me...

from proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com:

Friday, May 07, 2010

The Dailyness

Ariel Allison Lawhon, She Reads Co-Director

"Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway." Proverbs 8:34 (NIV)

Life wouldn't be so hard if it wasn't so daily. As I sit here surrounded by laundry and dishes piled high in the sink, I see more than ever how life wears us down one day at a time.

Crumbs litter the floor and dirty smudges cover the windows. And I have yet to discover where that smell is coming from. For this mother of four, a simple trip to the grocery store requires an act of God and Congress – attempted only when we are down to powdered milk and Ramen noodles. Not thirty minutes ago a little one-year-old boy clung to my legs, belting out that scream - you know the one, bats can hear it. And I felt my coping skills slipping away. Not because he was crying but because he cries every day.

The daily-ness.

The job of motherhood feels so vast, and frightening, and unending. I am called to raise these children in the fear and admonition of the Lord and yet there are days that I can't seem to get out of my pajamas much less lead them in a time of prayer. I think anyone could endure the temper tantrums of a small child or the rebellion of a teenager or the constant needs of another if they lasted just one day. But the truth is that these things are the stuff of daily life. And when I am honest with myself, they grind down the rough edges of this woman. Because parenting can not be all about me when diapers must be changed, noses wiped and beds made.

In those moments I force myself to take a deep breath and thank God for this season of life. These children. The privilege of wiping noses and bottoms and countertops. A privilege many women would love to have, but don't. I remind myself that the days are long but the years are short. And one day I will look in the rear-view mirror and see empty seats. The cup that is overflowing right now will slowly drain. The stretch marks will fade. And I will find that a new set of daily struggles has overtaken me. When that day comes I will find the strength to face them as well because God gives the grace, daily.

The daily-ness.

As C.S. Lewis once said, "The thing is to rely on God… Meanwhile, the trouble is that relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing has yet been done."

Your daily-ness is probably different than mine, but it is nonetheless God-ordained. It is exactly what we need to live dependent on His grace instead of our own strength. The One who knows us best, who knit us together in our mother's womb, has allotted these days that are equal parts trial and triumph. And He knows that we will see Him most clearly from a place of dependence.

So today I embrace the normal things. The daily things. Another round of laundry. The ring in my toilet. The dust on my dresser so thick a child could write his name. But even more than that I want to celebrate the important things. A child slowly learning to read. A husband that finds his comfort in my arms. A baby who learns to walk and talk. Because all these are the things of life: some mundane and some holy. And all of them must be received daily.

Dear Lord, sometimes daily life is just hard. And we're tired. And overwhelmed. But You promised to be our strength and our hope and our comfort. So today we look to You for what we need. Would You meet us in this, our daily-ness, and help us receive Your grace? In Jesus' Name, Amen.

bored

2010-05-13T14:01:00.004-04:00

nothing new here, so i don't really know why i'm writing. i think i'm bored and attempting to sort out my thoughts, and writing is how i do it. and i wanted you to know i'm not in a pit of depression (since you know i have those tendencies) :). to be honest with you, life is a little boring right now. does anybody else feel like the past 4 weeks have lasted 6 years? i feel like i've been pregnant for 12 years already. how am i only 10 1/2 weeks?! it's one of those times...and i go through it every 6 months or so, where i say "what's the point of life?". not in a suicidal sense. more like ecclesiastes. every once in awhile, life just feels boring and mundane. every day of being a mom convinces me that it's the hardest job on the planet, and i've never felt so exhausted in my life as over these past 4 years, and especially these past few pregnant weeks. do other moms ever feel like you'll never survive long enough to raise your kids and send them off? 18 years seems like sooooo looooooong. then i cry thinking about how k and b have grown up so fast.

i wanted to be a mom because i thought it suited the things i like to do. have i told yall this before? i thought it would be so fun to stay at home all day and get to go to the gym when i wanted to and watch tv when i wanted to and read magazines while they frolicked about the house. basically it catered well to me. i forgot i would produce sinful little people who i would have to discipline all.day.long. today's just been one of those days. i feel like i try to make every day so fun, but somehow the attitude of little miss turns south each and every time. how many times can you discipline each day before you just give up and say "turn out how you want to?!". because that's what i want to yell some days. and that's all by 10 in the morning. how can one little kid's will be so hard to break? yes, i'm talking about you-know-who, and i know yall are sick of hearing about her, but i can't tell her that i'm about to go crazy and i'm pretty sure my family and friends are sick of hearing about how at a loss i am or how to stop the all day battles. i try to tell her i'm sick so she'll feel sorry for me, but i think her capacity for empathy is a negative 5. it's been so constant today that kennedy asked me this morning if i was ever going to leave blakely. it broke my heart to think that she would actually ever worry about that. i guess she sensed the exhaustion.

being sick has slowed life down a lot, and made for an unusual amount of time at home. going anywhere with k and b in tow sounds exhausting right now, but it's been good to find creative ways to fill the time. i hate using the term "fill the time", but i kind of feel like that's what i'm doing. it just goes along with life's monotany right now. i know i'm being a debbie downer and not focusing on my many blessings. i'll get to that in a few days i'm sure; this is just where i am right now. this whole monologue is not to complain or make you feel sorry for me. i know most people have it waaaaaay worse than me. no comparison. my whole point is to share with you (or maybe moreso with myself) the depths of my sin and the way i struggle in trying to live life abundantly. i know the truth of my blessings and i know that if i lived out of that truth, i would be so happy you couldn't stand to be around me. you would beg me to find a problem to have. but why do i get so bored when i'm living my "dream life"? i've talked before about my previous medicating strategies, and how they've gotten me through life without having to face real issues, and i think i'm just still dealing with those. i'm bored with everything that's normally fun. tv is trash and pretty much anything on is inappropriate to have on with k and b in the room (and i can only take so much sid and super why), shopping is pointless with my ridiculously large and ever-growing belly, i can only come up with so many crafts to entertain k and b, cooking makes me sick, and i don't have the energy to hang out with people. i do this to myself, where i crawl in a hole when i'm tired because it seems to take so much energy to have a conversation, and isolate myself from the world. i know i need to run to the lord and ask him to fill me (always the last resort after all of my medicating strategies fail. ha!), but i'm just not at a point of brokenness. i keep sitting down to try and talk to and connect with god, and it's just not happening. obviously my deal and not his, and i know he just wants me to sit for awhile and see my sin long enough to feel sorry for it, then look to him and see how very much he loves me and forgives me. but i'm ok with mediocracy right now and i hate that. i don't want to take the mental energy to think about what's hiding in the depths of my heart. part of monotany for me is also not struggling with the typical "big sins". when i'm apathetic, i don't really struggle with the usual materialism or gossip or vanity because i just don't really care that much about anything. that makes it easy to not see how dirty my heart is and fail to still see the little minute by minute sins i hide in my heart. repentance doesn't seem as necessary, but in not seeing my sin, i'm not seeing my need for the gospel (i.e. a savior). but when the gospel has been revealed to you, and you've experienced the riches of it, living life without feeling it's power leaves a pretty obvious void. i know it won't last forever and soon i'll be sick of it and to a point of desperation, but for now i'm just living each day to get through it. i'm not really living my life, and i know it because i have no life to breathe into anybody else. i'm bored and i'm boring, but i'm a performer and want to be something to people to feel loved, and since i don't have anything to give i stay alone. the real miracle in all of this is i don't feel depressed. even in that, i can see god's work in my life. i know depression fully, and it's not the same as feeling bored and lifeless. the depression thing has been a huge picture of god's faithfulness to me because i went off of my lexapro as soon as i found out i was pregnant because i didn't feel safe feeding it to my fetus. i was a raging bitch (very sorry for the language, but there's no sweet way to put it) for 2 weeks...seriously, if you would have seen how snappy i was to brett and k and b you would disown me as your friend or family member...but once my angry phase was over, i've done really, really well without it, and felt normal again. i've been scared of coming off of it since i started it, so it's a huge relief to know i can function without meds. i'm starting to pray now that i don't experience post-partum depression again after this little one is born and can be off of it forever.

so i just re-read all of this and these are the most random thoughts and nothing really seems to have a point. goes along with how i feel about life right now :) sometimes even i think i'm weird for the things i share on this blog, but if i'm going to tell you about the fun i have with my cute little family, you'll never have a complete picture of what life in our home really looks like if i don't share the thoughts that aren't so fun to hear about. i know i incriminate myself with some of the things i say and set myself up for criticism and a reputation as miss negative, but i don't want to pretend like my life is something it's not. i did that for way too many (exhausting) years. hiding makes me tired. i'm a deep thinker by nature (atleast that's what i always show up as on those personality tests), so if reading my thoughts wear you out, imagine having to think them (and i only share a fraction of them) ;) sometimes i wish this blog was anonymous so i could avoid the reputation i set myself up for.

since i'm queen of random thoughts today, has anyone else ever read the book "love you forever" to your kids without crying? pregnant? oh my gosh, i was a mess this morning reading that to k and b. they thought my sobbing was hilarious, but that book gets me every time. even after an hour long battle (including 3 spankings, time alone in her room, and what seemed like hours of talking) i had with b trying to get her to break and repent for something she said to me. how can you love your kids so much even when they drive you crazy?! if you don't have the book, you've got to get it.

the good news now is i feel better. writing is so therapeutic for me, and i knew i was blah but didn't really know what i was thinking. thanks for listening and being my therapist ;)

spring mini sessions

2010-05-06T14:19:00.003-04:00

my friend katie, who took our family pictures this past fall...

...is offering mini-sessions once again! this is a great way to have your family's picture taken on a budget, and i was thrilled with the way our pictures turned out, despite trouble from you-know-who (you can read about our trying day here) :) katie is talented and patient and easy to work with...check out her post on the mini-sessions here; there are only 5 slots remaining.

ultrasound day

2010-05-05T15:35:00.002-04:00

we had our ultrasound this morning, and have good news: it's only one, everything is healthy and growing, and we saw and heard the heartbeat (and the doctor didn't cut the baby out of my tummy like blakely thought he was going to do today). he/she was kicking his little legs and was pretty active through the whole thing, so i think we may have another wild child on our hands. not sure if that's normal at 9 weeks? i can't remember from k and b. it was so nice to see a nice, normal ultrasound, with one (healthy) baby. thanks for your prayers! our due date is december 5th, so i've got quite a while to go...i'm 9 weeks, 3 days. my next appointment and ultrasound is may 26th, and we reeeeaaaallly hope we can tell what it is then (because there's no way we're the type who can wait to find out). if we had to guess today, we're guessing boy because i'm not as sick as with k and b and hate sweets and crave salty and savory foods, but who knows. that's what we're praying for (i think that's politically incorrect to say, but you probably guessed since we have 2 girls), but obviously want a healthy little babe come december whatever it may be.
hope your week has been good so far!

checking in

2010-04-26T14:19:00.005-04:00

so, i think i haven't been writing because i don't want to lie and talk about pregnancy bliss. i really am so, so thankful for the opportunity to be pregnant again and (hopefully) welcome baby lane #3 into this world, but i sure pay for these kids. i don't want to complain because i'm so scared of something happening and me losing the baby, then wishing more than anything that i could be sick every day just so i could be pregnant, but as of now, each day is marked by praying that it goes by quickly so i can go to sleep and forget the nausea. i really don't want to wish the next 7 months away because that means missing sweet moments in k and b's life that i'll never get back. i hate how snappy i've been with them, and i'm tired of saying "can you go away and play together? that's why god gave you a twin" when they ask me to order at their restaurant. they've eaten nothing but processed and fast food since the little butter bean started growing in me, and i'm a firm believer in the way kids eating negatively affecting their behavior, which has certainly seemed to be the case in our youngest (sweet blakely, always keeping things exciting).

on a positive note, these are the times i'm reminded how incredibly sweet my husband is. he waits on me hand and foot and has taken up so much of the slack i've left with k and b, and calls each day to take my "order" on dinner. he hasn't complained about our ridiculous credit card bill, which reflects my ever-changing "i think i might could eat that when i order it at the drive thru but by the time i get to the window to pick it up it sounds gross and i have to find something else" phase. i'm thankful to not have to go to work each day and to have someone that never complains when i call him every 30 minutes just to make sure he knows i'm still sick. and i'm thankful for my sweet mother-in-law who knows the gag reflex i have when i get around raw meat and is bringing freezer dinners tomorrow so the processed food phase can finally end and i can be put out of the guilt-induced misery i'm in over what i'm feeding my family. if i knew the nausea would be over at the end of this trimester, i think i could do it and not be discouraged, but if my pregnancy with k and b was any indication, it'll be here another 7 months. so while it's not very fun right now, i definitely have the best case scenario if you're gonna be sick. i'll never understand those who make it through pregnancy without getting sick. so lucky. but i'm sure there are those who will never understand someone like me complaining for even a minute when the gift god has given me isn't given to everyone. so that's why i've been in hiding. i don't want to complain because i know in my head it's nothing but a blessing. at the same time, i don't feel like "rejoicing" in the nausea, so i think i'll just wait until i feel better to say much at all. i'm thankful to atleast have k and b in my face each day to remind me how very worth it it all is. even on their worst days (and there are some bad ones), i know that i'd go through this every day for the rest of my life to have these sweet little angels...

quick update

2010-04-21T16:43:00.003-04:00

if you were biting your nails in anticipation :)...
the doctor called yesterday and said my progesterone and hcg levels were good, which was a huge relief because they were so off before my miscarriage. the bloodwork indicates that i am between 7 and 8 weeks. my bump indicates closer to 18, but that's how i roll with pregnancy. they can't get me in for an ultrasound for 2 more weeks, so i'll have to wait awhile to see the heartbeat, but hopefully he/she is growing and thriving. thanks to all of you for your sweet comments and e-mails!

i'm baaaaack

2010-04-19T15:29:00.004-04:00

so i took a little hiatus from blogging, but that will probably be happening often. there's a reason, and that reason also involves me forcing protein down every 2 hours to keep from puking, napping often, and drinking pickle juice (because it genuinely tastes delicious to me). you guessed it...i'm pregnant. since i miscarried in october, we were going to wait to tell people until it was a little more "safe", but i'm a freak and show upon conception, so there's no hiding it unless i hide out in my house until we're ready to spill the beans. you probably think i'm being dramatic, but i've already had 2 comments about my baby bump today, and people are usually smart enough to not question pregnancy unless it's pretty obvious. i feel crappy, but i really am happy and thankful to be pregnant again. i found out 2 weeks ago, but we were in seaside on vacation last week, so i just went to the doctor today. i had blood drawn to test my hcg levels and should get the results tomorrow and have an ultrasound later in the week to figure out how far along i am, but i'm guessing 7 weeks or so. i'll update later, but please pray for a healthy pregnancy this time around!

spring is here!

2010-04-02T07:06:00.001-04:00

not to discredit everything i've been learning lately in regards to depression from a spiritual standpoint, but i must say that pretty days work almost as well as anti-depressants for me. it's amazing how much better i feel when we can be outside. i love leaving the back door open and having all of the neighborhood kids run in and out of my house. i've always wanted the house where kids can come in a find a plate of cookies on the table and someone who will ask them about their day (except the cookie thing usually doesn't happen because if i make them and sit them out i eat them all; but i love the thought of it and hopefully one day will be disciplined enough to have that house. for now, i like being a place where they can atleast be welcomed with good conversation and an offer of milk and a fruit tray). these are the days i realize i'm really living my dream. i really think i have seasonal affective disorder. or i atleast like to think i've got myself figured out. a few pictures from our day yesterday...

would you think your neighbors were weird if this is what their kids wore to play outside in? notice the boobs on one and belly on the other. and i'm sure the hair needs no mentioning. to top it off, they were playing with our neighbor and went to her house and we were told later by her dad that one of them (they can't tell them apart but i'm guessing kennedy) said "my daddy said i could eat dinner with yall" in her finest southern accent. between the ridiculousness of their outfits and them obviously not getting to eat at their own home, i'm guessing they're wondering what's going on with our redneck clan.

very serious about perfecting the bike skills...

how blakely does bike helmets...

happy spring!

sweet potato souffle

2010-03-31T15:18:00.004-04:00

i came up with a new recipe for sweet potato souffle if you need a dish to take to an easter gathering this weekend. i used canned sweet potatoes, so it's pretty simple and quick. it's not healthy at all (like horrible), and could double as dessert, but that's what holiday gatherings in the south are all about. even our ham and tea can fix a sweet tooth, so sides should be no exception. here it is...

40 oz can sweet potatoes (all i could find was ones in syrup, but you'll drain it anyway)
1 cup sugar
1/3 stick butter, softened
1/2 t salt
1/2 cup milk
2 beaten eggs
1 t vanilla
topping:
1 yellow cake mix
2 sticks butter, melted
1 cup chopped pecans

drain and rinse the sweet potatoes, then mash them up in a bowl (you'll be mixing it all up with a hand mixer, so just enough to make them not so chunky). put everything else through the vanilla in the bowl and beat until it's all mixed together good. put in a casserole dish (you can rub some butter on it to grease it, but between the eggs and butter in the recipe it shouldn't stick). pour the cake mix on top...just the powdery mix, then drizzle the melted butter on top. sprinkle it with chopped pecans and bake on 350. i don't remember how long i baked it so keep checking it, but i'm thinking about 30 minutes.

love and relationships

2010-03-26T06:50:00.003-04:00

this is a daily reading from ransomed heart ministries that my friend kate sent me. god has been showing me lately the degree to which i try and protect myself in relationships, and what this reveals about my heart's trust being not in the lord but people. this excerpt put it well, so thought i would share...

"Honest communication in love is the only way to live and grow in friendships. There are ebbs and flows. There may be real hurt and disappointment. But with the grace of God firmly holding us, it is possible to nurture and sustain deep friendships. We are designed to live in relationship and share in the lives of other women. We need one another. God knows that. We have only to ask and surrender, to wait, to hope, and, in faith, to love. We must also repent.

For a woman to enjoy relationship, she must repent of her need to control and her insistence that people fill her. Fallen Eve demands that people “come through” for her. Redeemed Eve is being met in the depths of her soul by Christ and is free to offer to others, free to desire, and willing to be disappointed. Fallen Eve has been wounded by others and withdraws in order to protect herself from further harm. Redeemed Eve knows that she has something of value to offer; that she is made for relationship. Therefore, being safe and secure in her relationship with her Lord, she can risk being vulnerable with others and offer her true self." (Captivating pgs 181-82)

and one of my favorite quotes of all time...

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable . . . The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers . . . of love is Hell." (C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves)

have a good weekend!!

forgot this...

2010-03-24T14:46:00.001-04:00

thanks to all of you who pointed out that i forgot to post the link to the blog where i got the printables...

http://vintageprintable.com/wordpress/

low budget gallery

2010-03-24T02:53:00.002-04:00

i like to re-decorate. often. our budget, and his friend brett, does not like for me to re-decorate often. thus, i'm always looking for ways to keep our house's look fresh without breaking the bank. here's my latest project...

*michael's frames $3.75 each...not the nicest frames, but they do the job and aren't too bad. plus, they come matted so you save that expense as well. they are normally $10, but they put them on sale often for $5, then they'll send out a coupon for 25% off your total frame purchase, thus bringing the final cost to $3.75 each.

the pictures are from one of my very favorite finds (thanks to some random blog i stumbled across...can't even remember which one it was, but i saw it and so did my friend tyler, then she re-found it and sent it to me.). anyway, the layout of the site is pretty hideous, but it's content is great. there are TONS of vintage printables that you can turn into your own cheap artwork. i went with vintage birds and nests and printed them on linen paper, using the rough side to make them look even older. with the paper and frame, each of my pictures came to just $4....that's $32 to fill an entire wall with artwork, which is pretty unheard of. i printed one for my guest bedroom as well, and will be finding some more for k and b's new room.

the wall still may need more on it, so if any of my readers who are talented decorators want to shoot some advice my way it's always welcomed. decorating is not my strong suit, so i'm definitely not offended by suggestions. here's the whole room...

boat movie part 2

2010-03-23T09:03:00.001-04:00

hooked on phonics

2010-03-18T04:27:00.002-04:00

i know i've mentioned before that my kids talk a lot. i don't know if this is normal 3 year old behavior or if they've inherited it from me (please say it's normal). they usually entertain me and make me laugh, but the hot topic of our conversations lately is making me desperate for silence: i have to spell words all.day.long. everything i say, i have to spell it. if i say somebody's name, we have to sound it out and figure out which letters it contains and why. if it doesn't make sense (like in those weird words like "know" where the k is silent), we have to have a debate where i must convince them all over again that i went to school for 17 years to learn these things. k pretty much believes everything i say, but i spend half my day arguing with b over letters. how would you answer these?...

blakely confused by kennedy's lisp...
b: "s is a hard letter. sometimes it says 'ssssssssss', and sometimes it says 'thhhhhh'. th-th-thunder. that might start with an 's' but it might start with a 't-h'"

and blakely the know-it-all...
k: "my name ends with an 'e'. kenne-deeeeee. eeeeeeee."
me: "actually, it ends with a 'y'. the eeeeee sound is made by the letter 'y' in this case"
b: "so elephant starts with 'y'?"
me: "no elephant starts with 'e'"
b: "i know it used to, but now 'y' says eeeeeeeeeee"
me: "y only says eeeeeeee sometimes"
b: "ya-ya-yelephant. ya-ya-yelephant. elephant starts with a 'y'"

cheesy

2010-03-17T15:27:00.003-04:00

if you don't have to have organic, this week is the week to stock up on kraft cheese at kroger. they do this every year around this time it seems, and i always stock up. last year i bought 27 packs and this year 24. embarrassing. both krogers i've been to have those kraft coupon things that blink at you right beside the cheese, and the coupons are to save $1 on 2 packs of shredded or chunk (the bar kind). they're on sale for $1.49, and if you buy 8, you get $4 off your order. pull out 4 of those coupons and that takes 50 cents off each one, plus the 50 cents off each from buying 8, and you get each pack or bar for 50 cents. better yet, i went to publix and took the kraft coupons by their cheese because they were save $2 on 2, so kroger paid me 1 cent for each pack of cheese i took home. the only thing that beats free is getting paid for it and if you buy 24 packs like me, you make 24 cents :) i'm not hoarding...we really will eat all of that between now and june when it expires, but if you live close to me and run out of cheese, stop by and i'll give you some. now i've got to find every casserole recipe i can to use it, so if you've got any you love, send them my way.

applesauce bread

2010-03-17T15:21:00.003-04:00

i don't remember where i got this recipe or i would gladly give the creator props. it was from a blog somewhere, but i don't remember where. i tweaked it a little, but it was her (whoever that is) original idea. it's slightly dry, but i still like it, and maybe adding more applesauce or some mashed up banana would fix that. make a few and freeze...good and healthy for breakfast:

1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 cup honey or sucanat (i think that was what the recipe called for, but i cut it down to 1/4 or 1/3 cup)
1/2 t. baking powder
1/2 t. baking soda
1/4 t. sea salt
1 t. cinnamon
1/2 t. nutmeg
3/4 cup applesauce
2 eggs
1/4 cup butter, melted

mix dry ingredients. make a well in the center and add applesauce, eggs, and butter. stir well. pour into a buttered bread pan. bake for 45-55 minutes at 350 degrees, or until a toothpick inserted in the middle of the loaf comes out clean.

--
Nicole Lane

homemade: shampoo

2010-03-15T07:54:00.003-04:00

i just realized i never posted this. this is our household all-in-one shampoo and body wash, so it makes our shower pretty clutter-free. for me, it's not as good as shampoo you can buy, but it leaves my hair soft enough to skip conditioner and full enough to skip styling products, and once again it's natural enough to eat. sometimes i'll rub an extra dab of coconut oil through my hair once it's dry for added shine, but it's good enough to stand on it's own. brett loves it and says he'll never use another shampoo. for some reason, it works better for him than anything we've bought. my hair is straight and really thick and brett's is really thick but has more body and these proportions work for both of us, but you may want to play around with it based on your needs. i don't love it in k and b's hair since theirs is thin, but it will do until i find a good natural alternative for them. in the original recipe i used (from passionate homemaking), there's no oil, but it left brett's hair frizzy (no offense, babe). let me know if you come up with something else and i'll try it...

1 cup castile soap
1 cup water
1/3 cup melted coconut oil
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
about 1/2 T tea tree oil

mix everything up and put it in either a squirt or spray bottle. i use a squeeze bottle (one of the ones you would put ketchup or something in) from bed bath and beyond. i like it because i can point it into my scalp. either this or a spray bottle would work best because the mix is really liquidy. not sure how to change that? hope you like it!

more thoughts

2010-03-12T08:07:00.003-05:00

psalm 16
"preserve me, o god, for in you i take refuge...you are my lord; i have no good apart from you. the sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply. the lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. the lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed i have a beautiful inheritance. i bless the lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. for you will not abandon my soul or let your holy one see corruption. you make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

i don't trust god's control in my life. i don't trust that he really gave me the kids he wanted for his glory and for my good. i don't trust that he really gave me the husband or the financial situation or the body or the friends or family he gave me for his glory and for my good. before you send an e-mail to share "the good news" with me, hear me out...

i think i know what life should look like. i have this perfect plan i've put together for my life, and the life god has given me lines up close enough to the one i think i should have for me to believe i've had control over it and made it this way, but because it falls short JUST A LITTLE in every area, i still fight and scramble thinking i have control and if i just fight a little more, i'll get it JUST RIGHT. maybe if it were way off, it would be a little easier to know i wasn't in control. maybe if i wanted kids and didn't have them, hated my husband, and was on the verge of losing my house and going hungry, i could easily believe that life is full of pain and i was made for another world. but the life i have looks so close to my "perfect" one. so i keep fighting for perceived perfection. and i keep winding up short. and i despair because i feel hopeless to ever get it right. so what am i looking for? heaven on earth. i want life to feel right. i want to stay in a state of peace. i want to pretend, even if i don't say it out loud, that i was made for this world. i want life to serve me well, and offer me the right husband, kids, look, friends, house, energy. i think all of these things are the real keys to life. so ultimately, i think having control and being able to move my life circumstances around like chess pieces is where true peace and life lies. i don't know how to play chess, but i'm guessing you win if you make the right moves. i keep making the right moves...the ones that should lead me to win, but just as i'm on the verge of winning, my opponent moves in and blocks my move. in the past, i might have thought this opponent was satan, but now i'm thinking differently. god hasn't let me get it "just right" because his "just right" is different than mine. his plan is for his glory and for my good; not necessarily the good i think is good.

i want ______ plus or minus ________:
- brett because i think he's pretty much perfect, plus _____ ( i won't air a flaw in cyber world, but fill in the blank for whatever you wish your husband did or didn't do :))
- the kids i've got because i love them more than i could ever love another kid, minus blakely pooping her pants every day for 2 weeks or kennedy asking to eat 28 times a day
- the way i look because i'm "fearfully and wonderfully made" (right?), plus 6 more inches, plus a bigger head (i have a peanut head), minus a few inches from my hips, plus bigger eyes and a smaller nose, blah, blah, blah
- the mind i have, plus more creativity, minus a constant need to maintain perceived order
- the schedule i have, plus more naps
- the house i have, plus a california closet.
- etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc

get my point? do you like my equation? it looks good to me, and i think if all of it really happened, THEN i would be happy, because THEN i would be in control and THEN god would really be good (and i wouldn't just be saying it out of truth). but this has been the story of my life. i know god has been gracious to me. my life is full of blessings, and i can honestly say i wouldn't trade my life for anybody's in the world. but i also think it's funny that god has allowed my life to keep lining up more and more closely the older i get to my perceived perfect life. because now i think he's showing me that i'm "almost there", and i live in more despair now than ever. i lived my whole life dreaming about the future. when i would feel hurt in my heart, instead of entering into the pain and asking the lord to meet me there and heal me, i would suppress it and think about something fun. for example, when i was working, i felt a lot of anxiety regarding my unhealthy fear of authority and quest for approval, but instead of taking those 2 years to enter into these dark places of my heart and ask god for healing, i spent 2 years dreaming about the day i would have kids and be a stay-at-home mom since that's all i ever wanted to do, because then all my problems would go away. i didn't deal with those fears; i suppressed them and lived for the future. so here's one of the (probably many) things that have led me to where i am today: the future i've "lived for" for 29 years is here, and i'm still the same me with the same baggage. when i thought about my perfect future, i forgot that sin and brokenness would exist there too. i guess i thought that girl i saw in my future would be a different person. i'm changed, yes, but i'm still me. duh. so i thought restoration and redemption came through fixed circumstances, not through the person of christ (even though i would have said it did). my "fixed circumstances" are still broken. the kids i've lived to have still disobey me and embarrass me in public and hit each other and demand every ounce of energy i've got. the husband i counted on to fix my life still has flaws (imagine that). the perfect days i had planned for myself as a stay-at-home mom are often marked by exhaustion and loneliness and telling k and b to read to each other because i don't want to read the same freakin book again. the countless kingdoms i've built here on earth...the places i've tried to find life...aren't lasting. i don't know if you got this message from the song "eve" by sandra mccracken i posted awhile ago, but my favorite line is "when your kingdoms have crumbled down, where are you now?". my old answer would have been "screwed and depressed because life didn't work out like you wanted it to". the words of the song, and the refreshing and life-changing truth, is "sweet redemption rings in the air; sweet redemption will hold you there". god dwells in our broken places. he is a god of redemption, and he loves entering the filth of our hearts. he lives in the rubble of my broken kingdoms, even knowing that i'll build more today, tomorrow, the next day and the next. growing in a knowledge of his unconditional love and grace towards me...letting it grip my heart and not just remain a truth in my head...is leading me to trust the only one who is good.

"you are my lord; i have no good apart from you." - psalm 16:2

the boat movie

2010-03-10T06:54:00.002-05:00

thought you could use something a little lighter from my blog this morning...especially on a rainy day like today :)

on days we're at home, most of our time is spent either watching the sound of music ("the boat movie" as k and b call it) or acting it out...they come up with the parts themselves and act out different scenes. if you've been to our house, i'm sure you've acted as their audience. they think everyone who steps through our door came to watch them perform. if you've seen the movie, here's the scene where the kids march down the stairs to introduce themselves to maria. k is "lisa" (liesel) and i still can't figure out who b is ("moesa"?). the first video is them (or i should say blakely) working out their positions. can you tell who rules the roost?

do you like how "fregren" is really standing there?

long and candid

2010-03-07T13:13:00.009-05:00

*all quotes are from from fear to freedom by rose marie miller*

i'm in the middle of reading a book that god is using to change me. i'm not a reader and i can honestly say that in 6 years i haven't read a book cover to cover. isn't that crazy? when i was little, i would go to the library every 2 weeks and check out 14 books and read one a day. i would get sucked into fiction series and not be able to stop reading. i think it's why i love writing and grammar and editing and spelling and probably missed my call as an english teacher. in my really young years, it was the boxcar children, then i moved on to babysitter's club, then sweet valley twins and high. i wanted to be elizabeth or jessica wakefield so bad, or atleast have an identical twin. kind of funny that i got my own set (and for those of you who intimately know these characters like i do, k is clearly elizabeth and b jessica). anyway, i'm sure i would like fiction now, but i just really haven't found something i love, and i think that in my bondage to performance i've always felt that if i was reading a book, it needed to be self-help. the problem is, i get excited about the book fixing me, then give up because i become bored with getting fixed and see that words on a page don't change my heart. which leads me to what's going on in my heart right now...

i read from fear to freedom (or skipped around in it. that's what i always mean when i say "i read ____") about 2 years ago. i loved (the parts i read) then and even recommended it to people. i recently found it in brett's office and decided to pick it up again, and i'm almost done. seriously. i know this doesn't sound like an accomplishment to anyone else, but it's pretty huge for me because it shows that my heart is being gripped in a way it hasn't before. it doesn't speak of a magical solution for the sins and fears that grip my heart. it is pointing me to the one way out; the one way to be rescued from myself. nothing will grip you like the freedom you get from being released from fixing yourself.

you know how characters in a musical walk around like life is normal, then all of a sudden break out in a random song? i feel like that's what my blog is like. i talk about my kids and maybe share a random recipe or idea here and there, then all of a sudden i break out in these deep thoughts and share depths of my heart that you might find inappropriate for a blog that anyone can read. but the truth is, if i've learned anything over the past 3 years, it's that i sin and you sin and there's no use in trying to pretend like we don't. our hearts are dirty and there's sin beneath the sin, and the filth doesn't end with our outward actions. i know when i share things going on in my heart with who knows what audience, i am exposing myself to potential criticism and judgment. but i'm tired of hiding. trying to act like you've got it together all the time is exhausting, and if the bible didn't tell you i was born sinful, i might could keep trying to fool you. but even if you bought it, i'm tired of running. i've known in theory for the past few years that i was born completely depraved and hopeless without the grace of a savior to step in and rescue me. my change in theology began in college when i was under the teaching of gary purdy. it was the first time that i really heard, or atleast my heart heard, the teaching of our total depravity and god's perfect grace. i had never understood justification by christ's death alone. i loved the ideas and loved gary for preaching this message week after week for the 4 years i was under his teaching. these are the truths that i have clung to since hearing that message 10 years ago. the weird thing is, i feel like in some ways my heart is just now grasping the theology that has been in my head for a decade. i think life was just so good and easy in college that i didn't see the deep need for a savior like i do now. this book has not been a magic fix, and maybe it will touch no one else like it has me, but it is definitely a tool god is using to help me put words to my story.

from fear to freedom is rose marie miller's self-written biography (is that called an autobiography? i can't remember, but she wrote it and it's her own story, so whatever that is). i obviously can't go into her life story in one blog entry, and it's not that our life stories and circumstances are the same, but i've never identified so much with someone's stream of thinking. the entire book is covered now in pink highlighter because there are so many statements that i just want to scream out "ME TOO!" about. i didn't even know some of these things about myself, but the way she puts them into words explains what i was thinking and didn't even know i was thinking.

the subtitle of the book is "living as sons and daughters of god" and is an encouragement to relinquish the role of spiritual orphan and embrace my role as the daughter of god. i've heard these words before. i've known in my head that i was a child of god. my heart hasn't known that, and it has been the basis of the hiding game i've been caught in..trying to cover up sin or pretend like it isn't really that bad because i ultimately haven't believed god's unconditional love and grace was real. i'm his daughter. even in my imperfect love, there is nothing k or b could do to change my love for them. and the amazing thing is, them being really good all the time wouldn't make me love them more either. christ's death on the cross rejects our bad AND good works. i feel like i need to have a whole series of blogs to document the truths that are penetrating my heart. i know i could just journal and keep these thoughts to myself, but they've been too life changing and brought too much freedom to my heart to not share them. and no, this isn't some evangelical, religious speech to those of you out there who don't believe in god. it actually kind of makes me sick to know that there are probably some of my readers that i knew in high school who i tried to "share christ with" by telling you to straighten up your act. after all, wasn't i good at being good? couldn't everybody get it together like i could? i know i've spoken before about the self-righteous pride i carried around, but i want to say it again to make sure you understand my heart here. that's not the gospel, so if you've heard that message from me in the past, pretend like you didn't. this (really) long monologue is not a bunch of religious words meant to make you feel like christianity is weird if you haven't had much exposure, or have had exposure of the wrong kind. it's just a story of my heart that is real and changing me and writing it down helps me process it.

so just getting down to the honest issues of my life and letting you (whoever "you" is) on me: again, probably inappropriate to be so personal, but i don't know what harm i can do other than have you think less of me, and frankly i'm starting to not care so much about that. i never thought i would say that because my reputation has been my god and the thing i idolize and strive to protect more than anything in this world. at the same time, i feel like the past 3 1/2 years have been a roller coaster for me, so if somebody else is feeling the same way, i like to atleast offer the hope i've found because there was a time i thought it didn't exist....

i haven't sugar-coated the fact that i struggled with the first few years of k and b's life. it wasn't just because they screamed their heads off all.the.time. i was depressed. i think i might could be the poster child for post-partum depression...if it was just post-partum. the truth is, it is still a struggle that i go in and out of. go ahead and think i'm weird if you've never been depressed, but i wouldn't be too quick to judge because i never in a million years thought i would struggle with it. i used to think depressed people were weird and just needed to get happy. call it hormones that still swing in and out of balance, or call it the thing god has used to get my attention and show me his goodness, but i can't get it to go away. i tried to get through it on my own for 2 years, then finally went to a psychiatrist a year ago and found the right combination of medicine. i thought i was fixed and was so happy to be happy again. the truth is it's back and i'm wondering if it ever goes away forever. it's the reason my blogging has been sporadic and the reason i might not have called you back if you've called me. on low days, i crawl into a hole and feel paralyzed in relationships and in life. i don't want to talk to anybody and i don't want to do things i usually love to do. there have been more low days than high lately, which is what ultimately drove me to a desperation for answers. my first instinct was to call my psychiatrist and see if he could up my medicine. in half-heartedly praying through it, my heart felt like this phase is a spiritual battle. i do feel crazy if i miss my medicine for a few days, but i think medicine in me has been used to get me to a place where i can think straight and process my thoughts. it's not the total fix i had hoped it was going to be. so, here i am...in the valley, forced to deal with real thoughts, real hurts, and real issues of my heart. "crises become god's means of forcing us to turn away from circumstances, feelings, and our own strength, and to turn toward god."

if you've never been depressed, i don't expect you to understand why it's a struggle for me. i'm well aware that my life is really, really good. i can honestly say there is not one circumstance in my life right now that is bad. so it doesn't make sense to me either. or atleast it didn't up until now. i do believe depression is very often a chemical or hormonal problem, and that has been part of my problem. but i know the valley i'm experiencing now is different, and something god is using to show me issues i would never face if i wasn't forced to out of desperation. which is where from fear to freedom is coming into play in my life. it's showing me some patterns of my heart that have left me where i am. my life probably doesn't look any different from the outside, but my heart is being changed daily in a way i haven't experienced before. i've been a christian for so long, but every time i go through times of heart changes like this, i realize i just didn't get it before.

i had a day last week where i was lower than i've been in awhile. i was praying through what was going on in my heart when god revealed it to me. this doesn't happen that often, but it was real and i knew that as much as i didn't want to admit it, it was a truth that would begin to catapult me into everything else i'm learning right now. i realized that when things go wrong in my life, i do 1 of 2 things: blame or medicate. when things don't go my way, my first instinct is to figure out whose fault it was. and it's usually brett's (poor thing) because he's safe and i know i can beat him up and he'll still love me. if i can't find someone to blame, i medicate. i don't mean medicate in the sense of lexapro (though i obviously do that too). i mean that instead of facing the hurt, i pick up a magazine or turn on keeping up with the kardashians or go shopping or re-decorate my house. sometimes i even do "good" things like make my family their shampoo...further proof that our actions aren't the problem. i'm not coming down on any of these things, because there are times i do these things when i'm emotionally healthy and they're fine. at other times, i do them to avoid having to deal with real issues. i've become an expert at medicating to suppress hurts and disappointments because to admit them might make me face one of my biggest fears: feeling out of control or tarnishing my reputation. control and a good reputation are the 2 things i've always thought were the key to life. i've never said that out loud, but these seem to be the 2 roots of most of my sins: maintaining control and approval from others, both of which i think are ultimately rooted in pride. and this has been the cycle of my life. i've medicated for 29 years, and so often it's looked so good and felt so good that i didn't feel a need to change. it's usually helped me get ahead in the world's eyes. my usual methods of medication have contributed to an improvement in looks (i'm not saying i'm a beauty queen...just that you can learn some pretty good hair and makeup and fashion tips when you medicate through reading magazines like i do), so i've felt more loved and successful, and less of a need for life through christ. and that's the beauty of depression. depression has made me lose interest in my old ways to medicate. this is not a medical problem. this is god's goodness to me because he wants me to meet him in this valley. he wanted to bring me to a point of desperation, where i finally learned that i am a "caterpillar in a ring of fire" who crawls to the things i think will save me, but really i have one hope of rescue...god in his grace reaching down and picking me up. "think of the human state as one of stubborn blindness. we will rely on everything but god. he in turn will prepare us for grace by closing our favorite escape exits until there is only one way left. healthy despair drives you to drop pretenses and seek god from the heart. it ends with a real beginning - new life energized by grace. unhealthy despair drives you into the role of victim, in which all responsibility is denied and blame is shifted to others. it ends with immobilization, intense self-preoccupation, and false humility. most of us want quick solutions to our problems. we have more interest in immediate deliverance from pain than in what god wants to teach us through the pain. but the father does not let us escape; he lets us alone until we become fed up with our own self-centered attitudes. when a healthy despair of self sets in, then god begins quietly to breathe into us a new teachability". this is where i am. i'm tired of the cycle of feeling hurt by life, blame-shifting, then medicating, because when none of these work, as is happening right now, i enter into depression. why am i just now learning this?!? i've been a christian for so long, so why am i just now learning that i have one hope? i don't have to blame anyone and i don't have to cover sin or ignore it through my methods of medication. i think deep down i thought it would go away if i pretended it wasn't really there, but the truth is, i've been relying on myself while talking about god's power. "the confidence i had always had about my life was not faith, as i had assumed, but a reliance on my own competency, be it real or imagined." i'm tired of depending on people or life to make me happy. i didn't think i was doing this because i knew in my head that god was the only source of true joy, but if i really believed it in my heart, i wouldn't put so much stock in others liking me or everyone, especially brett, performing to my standards.

so these are just some of the truths that are making my heart more alive. i'm sure there will be more. and along with that, i'm sure there will be more low days where i forget all of this and go back to my usual methods of coping with the pains of life. my hope is that i will continue to be reminded of christ's work on the cross and the way his death justified me and set me free from having to perform and hide to ensure his love for me. my prayer is to rely on his grace since he's the only good thing in me anyway.

i'm not done with my thoughts, but i'm tired of writing (and thinking :)). i'm too tired to edit it too, so forgive any typos :). plus, i have so many thoughts running through my head that they're all getting jumbled, and i've written so much already that i feel like i've been all over the place and might not make much sense. i'll continue some other day. hope you had a good weekend!

chicken pot pie

2010-03-04T20:24:00.002-05:00

i used to use my mom's recipe for chicken pot pie, but i came up with a new version that is similar by replacing canned cream of chicken soup, which often contains msg, with a homemade cream sauce, and replacing the crust with a homemade whole wheat version. if you're scared of fat, this dish is not for you, but in my opinion, if you eat real food with real fat in it you don't need as much to be satisfied. it is pretty time consuming (i divide it into 2 days), so whenever i make it, i try and get 3 or 4 out of it and freeze the others to use over the next couple of months. this is a great example of a way you can feed your family organic on a budget. i'm going to give you my freezer meals version, which will make several casserole dishes full, but you can obviously divide it by 3 or 4 to make 1. you'll need the following ingredients:

- chicken (see step 1 below)
- 3 sticks butter
- 1 cup olive oil
- 2 cups whole wheat flour
- salt and pepper
- 8 cups chicken broth (you'll have some from your cooked chicken if you want to use it, but you'll probably need to supplement to get this much)
- 4 cups milk
- 2 or 3 bags frozen vegetables
- 1 T baking powder
- 2 cups buttermilk (or 2 cups milk + 2 T white vinegar)

1. start with bone-in chicken and a crock pot. i've used a whole (big) organic chicken, or when i wanted to cut costs, bought bone-in split chicken breasts for 99 cents a pound at kroger. 6 or 7 breasts should be enough. boneless skinless chicken is easier and can definitely be used, but i think something about cooking chicken with bones and skin, while gross, adds flavor. sprinkle the chicken with salt and pepper, add water to the crock pot so you end up with more broth when it's done, and cook on low for 6-8 hours. remove the skin and bones, shred the chicken and put it aside, and put the broth in a bowl to cover and refrigerate (i leave it overnight. you'll want to give it atleast a few hours).

2. dealing with the broth is gross, so you can throw it out and use canned if you want to, but i don't like to waste anything (especially when i've used organic chicken). if you want to use it, after you've refrigerated it, take it out and look at the lovely chunk of fat on top. it's a whitish color. scrape all of that off and don't gag when you look at the chicken jelly underneath. once you microwave the "jelly", it becomes more broth-like and you'll feel a little better about using it. sit it aside to combine with your other ingredients soon.

3. in a saucepan, melt a stick of butter and add a cup of olive oil to it. whisk in a cup of whole wheat flour and 4 teaspoons of salt. stir in 4 cups of chicken broth (either canned or from your cooked chicken) and 4 cups of milk (i use 2%).

3. combine the following in a huge bowl:
- shredded chicken
- 2 or 3 bags of frozen veggies. i use peas and corn because brett doesn't really like carrots or anything else, but you could use mixed veggies if you like it all.
- 4 cups of chicken broth (again, canned or from cooked chicken)
- cream sauce you just made
- salt and pepper to taste

4. pour your combined ingredients into however many casserole dishes you're using (you can spray them with olive oil, but i think there's enough fat in the recipe to keep it from sticking.)

5. combine the following in a separate bowl: 2 sticks melted butter, 2 cups whole wheat flour, 1 tablespoon baking powder, 1 teaspoon salt, and 2 cups of buttermilk (i usually don't keep buttermilk on hand, so i make it out of milk since i always have that. just mix a tablespoon of white vinegar into each cup of milk you're using, let it sit for atleast 5 minutes to sour it, and pour into your recipe as usual. i finally figured this out after throwing away carton after carton of half-used buttermilk).

6. spoon your crust mixture onto the casseroles and smooth it with the back of your spoon. it will seem really thin, and some of the vegetables might poke through, but i've tried it with more crust, and i like the taste of a thinner crust much better...not as doughy.

7. bake one casserole on 350 for about an hour. cover the rest tightly and freeze...probably up to 3 months or so.

it's hard work, i know. maybe it's considered part of a good diet since you're too tired to eat it once you're done cooking it, but you can try one of the frozen ones next time ;) enjoy!

randomness

2010-03-01T16:13:00.006-05:00

i feel like it's been so long since i've talked about everyday life with our family. i had the best intentions of starting a blog to record random everyday events both to share with family and friends and to have a virtual scrapbook of sorts to look back on one day and see what these crazy years were like. i've gotta get better about it; it's just that by the time i sit down at the end of the day, i'm too tired to think, much less write out my thoughts.

nap times are pretty inconsistent now because kennedy has pretty much given hers up. she takes one a few days a week, but the other days, she follows me around the house, bored and lost without blakely to entertain her. naptime was always my time to get things done that i couldn't do with k and b, so i'm trying to figure out how to still be productive. also, we're trying to figure out what our evenings look like because when k hasn't taken a nap, she needs to go to bed at 7, but since b usually has, she's not tired until atleast 9. try getting one to bed while the other stays up...no fun. plus, i don't mind no-nap days because it's worth me not having that break during the day if it means brett and i have our evenings together, but as it stands now, there's a kid up from 7 to 9. i love my kids and all, but do you know how much a 3 year old talks?

this weekend was a much needed time of marital connection for brett and i. we dropped k and b off in dacula with gabby and grandcoach and headed to athens for the weekend. we try to have a weekend away every 3 or 4 months, and to go back to what i said earlier about being too tired at the end of the day to think, we just don't have it in us at the end of a lot of days to talk and connect, so we depend on these weekends to talk through issues so we don't crash and burn. pre-kids it seemed so easy to stay connected. i'm probably idealizing what life looked like because i usually do that to the past, but if we were fighting about something (is "working through an issue" the more appropriate way to say it on a public blog?), we could talk about it when we needed to. i'm a yeller when i fight (lovely) and now we've got an audience of 4 little ears, plus a day that doesn't end when work ends, so we sometimes put off issues until these weekends away. we had the intention of going to charleston or st simons or somewhere exciting, but truth be told, the drive sounded exhausting. i think we're getting old. in my mind though, you just can't beat athens. it's only 45 minutes from my mom and coach, so if we needed to get back to k and b for any reason we can, and i never ever get tired of the food and shopping there. not to mention, it seems like our town since it's where life started for us. it was a busy weekend there, but i love a bustling town, so it was perfect. there was a baseball game, ga/fla basketball game, and i'm guessing some parents' weekends for a few sororities because the foundry and hotel indigo were both booked and stores were crazy full of sorority girls and sorority moms shopping on daddy's dime. lucky girls. we had to stay at a sleep inn that just opened near the mall, which sounds sketchy, but it was actually pretty nice and only $60 a night (actually it lists for more than that, but remember i'm married to the clark howard of our generation so we rarely pay what someone tells us we're gonna pay). we ate at all of my favorites...big city bread (which if you haven't been there in awhile, they opened up the area next to it so there's more inside seating...woohoo!), last resort, transmetropolitan, and a reeeaaaaalllly good addition to athens, taqueria del sol. also, i thought i might cry when cookies and company closed, and i'm still mourning over it a little, but there's a yogurt shop in it's place that i LOVE, called yoguri. it's the pink berry kind of yogurt, not the tcby kind, but real yogurt is so addicting, especially because you can think about the good things it's doing for your body while you eat it. i highly recommend the original and dark chocolate swirled. so even though food is my favorite topic and i could go on and on about these places, we also shopped a lot and had really good conversation and just enjoyed being together kid-free and uninterrupted.

today was back to the daily randomness. k and b went to school as usual this morning, but i got a call while i was at the gym that blakely had had an "accident" in her pants. i'll spare the details so she's not embarrassed one day reading this, but i'm not sure what's going on with her here. this is the 3rd time in a week now, and she has since proceeded to pee in her pants 2 more times today. any advice from those with older kids? we had a talk with her about what would happen if she did it again, but i also don't want her to be scared of accidents and hide it. i remember when i was little i used to pee in my pants and throw my panties behind a chair in my room. my mom moved the chair one day and discovered where all of my undies had disappeared to. the apple doesn't fall far from the tree ;) anyway, she thought it was SO fun that i picked her up from school (you would understand why i went ahead and took her home if you saw her. i had to throw her pants away and she had poop all down her legs. sick.), so i'm kindof worried she's going to do it again just so she'll get to go home.

no more random thoughts for today. if you're wondering, blakely still wears her hair every day, even to sleep in, and kennedy has had no more injuries. that's about it for now.

homemade: greek yogurt

2010-02-22T05:53:00.002-05:00

this is my favorite homemade project yet! i posted here about my favorite way to eat greek yogurt, and i continue to eat it almost every day. several of you have mentioned concerns about the price, and i couldn't agree more. it runs between $1-2 for a single serving, so i was sucking it up and buying it, but really not liking spending that much on just yogurt. anyway, i found a way to make it myself and it's really, really easy. you start with plain yogurt. i buy plain fat free organic, but any type will do. hang a small colander over a large bowl but make sure the bottom of the colander is not touching the bowl so the yogurt has room to drip. line the colander with a coffee filter (cheesecloth would probably be best, but i don't have one and don't really know where to get it. i've also used a dish towel and it worked fine. remember though that i wash my clothes in detergent that i could eat :), so if you use conventional detergent, it may not be the best idea). anyway, pour your yogurt (i do 32 oz at a time) onto the filter/towel/cheesecloth, cover tightly with saran wrap, and put it in the refrigerator overnight. when you take it out the next morning, you have greek yogurt!! i like mine really thick, but if it is too thick for you, you can take a tablespoon or so of the whey that has dripped off and add it back in. so as not to waste a good thing, remember to store your whey in a mason jar to use for soaking grains in your baked goods. it's full of healthy bacteria and acts as a digestive aid, so you can even drink it straight (sounds gross to me, but i've heard it's a good homemade tonic for stomach bugs). if you've never soaked your grains for baking before, here's the benefit according to lindsay at passionate homemaking:

"Unfortunately, whole grains contain phytic acid in the bran of the grain which combines with key minerals, especially calcium, magnesium, copper, iron, and zinc and prevents their absorption in the intestinal tract. This makes it more difficult to digest properly. Soaking, fermenting, or sprouting the grain before cooking or baking will neutralize the phytic acid, releasing these nutrients for absorption.

This process allows enzymes, lactobacilli and other helpful organisms to not only neutralize the phytic acid, but also to break down complex starches, irritating tannins and difficult-to-digest proteins, including gluten. For many, this may lessen their sensitivity or allergic reactions to particular grains. Everyone will benefit, nevertheless, from the release of nutrients and greater ease of digestion."

i store my whey in the fridge in a mason jar, and it should keep for 6 months or so. i use it to soak my whole wheat flour before i make bread, muffins, tortillas, anything. i think you could probably also mix a couple of tablespoons with milk to make a substitute for buttermilk in recipes. you can also use it to make ricotta cheese, but i haven't gotten that adventurous yet. also, if you want to go a step further with the greek yogurt, i think if you let the whey separate even longer, you can make cream cheese, but i haven't done that yet either. i think i may need to use yogurt with fat in it to get it to the right consistency for that. so much experimenting with this stuff...let me know if you come up with anything good!

poor kid

2010-02-17T07:53:00.005-05:00

we had an eventful week last week with kennedy's accident-proneness, and she now has a gash on her head to match the missing tooth. i thought it was a little weird that we've had kids for 3 1/2 years, and haven't made a trip to the ER, but now we've officially joined the ranks.

k + b are really into the sound of music. they watch parts of it almost every day, and they've put together a re-enactment of "the cuck-koo song" as they call it (the "so long, farewell" one...don't know what it's called), where all of the kids are standing on the stairs (if you've ever seen the movie). they've been using the fireplace as their stage, where one stands on the stage and one on the floor so they can look like the kids in the movie. brett's aunt was at our house and it was bedtime, so they were going to do one last performance for us. kennedy was so excited to show off her mad acting skills and ran as fast as she could to the fireplace, tripped on the rug, dove headfirst into the corner of the fireplace, and the blood started gushing. thankfully aunt gaye is a nurse and knew how to clean it up and check for a concussion and everything. i'm not a panicker, but i've always heard that it's a good sign if a goose egg pops up, and k's whole forehead was dented in, so i freaked out a little (or a lot and demanded that we jump in the car right away and head to the hospital). not to mention, brett had to take care of k because blakely was screaming the loudest of anyone. as soon as she saw the blood, she screamed and ran upstairs; i guess she didn't know what else to do. she came back down to find me and asked me to hold her and she started crying and said "but i really loved kennedy". i guess the poor thing thought her twin was gonna die right in front of her. i started crying at both the fear of k being hurt and the sweetness of how much k + b love each other, and b just kept saying "it's ok mommy, i'll take care of you" over and over. she acts like such a little cool cat most of the time, but when it comes down to it, she really has the sweetest little heart and is loyal as they come. once we got to the hospital, k + b couldn't get enough of each other. they laid in the hospital bed together, and b fed k water out of her sippy cup and kissed all over her. i think she was just so happy she was ok that she couldn't love on her enough. after a thorough exam and some liquid stitches, we were out the door and off to the original plan of bedtime.

so that's our first ER story. besides a scare and a scar, nothing traumatic came out of it; thank the lord. it actually ended up being a sweet night of reminding us how very blessed we are to have 2 sweet little girls who adore each other more than anything in the world.

still at it

2010-02-05T06:56:00.000-05:00

blakely still thinks she has long hair.

she's added dish towels to the rotation...

and her usual sweater dress...

washcloths...

and best of all, she styles it with headbands...

k thinks it's normal and talks about b's hair like it's real...

colored highlights. i had to take the sleeves of this one yesterday and pull them back into a "ponytail"...

never knew a 3 year old would make me laugh harder than anyone i've ever met.

homemade: deodorant

2010-02-04T09:21:00.001-05:00

i stopped wearing deodorant about 6 months ago. brett hasn't complained too much so i think it's ok. i just always assumed that if something was available to the public for purchase, it couldn't be that bad for you. what i didn't realize is that marketing and money are strong powers in our world, and i can't always rely on the brains behind the 2 to make decisions concerning what i put in or on my body. 99% of the ingredients in personal-care products sold in the U.S. have never been tested for safety, yet research has indicated long-term health risks associated with many of the ingredients used. i used to think that i needed to focus more on what my family ate, but something i read recently made a good point in saying that our liver is designed to filter toxins from what we eat; whatever we put on our skin, which is our body's largest organ, is absorbed through our pores and allowed to proceed directly to our circulatory system, then make it's way to our other organs. really it seems that we would be better off eating the things we're putting on our skin; atleast then they would be filtered or make us sick enough to puke them up :). the products most all of us have used our entire lives contain hormone disrupting chemicals....maybe not a coincidence that you seem to meet a new person every day who has issues with infertility or hormonal imbalance? the average U.S. woman uses 12 personal-care products each day, a combined total of 168 chemicals. again, i'm no doctor but the more i study this stuff, the more it makes sense.

i'm not trying to go granola on you. i love beauty products as much as anyone i know. there are some things i absolutely cannot bring myself to give up. i'm sure they're poisoning me and probably part of the reason my hormones make me crazy sometimes...all for vanity ;). i'm tanorexic but am scared of skin cancer, so i don't go in the sun. my hair is so dark that i think i look like an oreo when i stay pale, so i can't bring myself to give up self-tanner, but it's probably the worst thing in the world i can put on myself. i mean, it dies my skin. how healthy can THAT be? maybe my 2011 goal will be to make pale trendy, but until then, i will either continue to put lord knows what in my body or try to find an organic option. i know they're out there, but i've looked them up on cosmetics safety database, a website dedicated to educating consumers on the hazard level of cosmetics, and they still have moderate hazard levels. also, i just found out that the pressed powder i love and have worn every day since college has a high hazard rating. it's hard to not feel like it's too late and keep piling the products on, but now that i'm educated, i'm trying to cut back where i can, which is where my homemade body care products will come in. i've picked a few products to keep using that i just love, but everything else i have tried or am trying to replace with a natural alternative. ultimately, i want everything i put on my body to be something i could eat (obviously not stuff that i necessarily would eat, but stuff that is safe enough). i'll list my deodorant below and try to get my shampoo/body wash recipe up soon, but the other stuff is a work in progress. i'm trying to create a face serum and moisturizer for dry, sensitive skin, so if anyone has a suggestion, i'd love to hear it. also, if any of you are already using low hazard products and have some you love (homemade or not), i'd love to hear that too. natural products are expensive (which is why i'm trying to make so many of my own), so i hate to buy them then not like them. something like deodorant is easy for me to switch on, and there has been specific research indicating it's risk: a 2004 british study found intact parabens, found in deodorants and anti-perspirants, in biopsies of malignant breast tumors, leading scientists to believe that many breast cancer cases have developed from use of these products. i know there seems to be something wrong with everything: if the sun's not giving you cancer, the chemicals in sunscreen are making you sick or staying indoors is giving you a vitamin d deficiency and making you depressed. when it comes down to it, we live in a broken world and things will never be right this side of heaven. i just want to feel the best i can while i'm here.

homemade deodorant:
combine oil and baking soda until it forms a paste and a consistency you like. store it in a jar and apply like you would a lotion. the one i'm using right now is made with coconut oil, but it's a little hard to use because coconut oil hardens in cool temperatures (i think it only melts when it's over 76 degrees or something like that). if your house is warm enough, it will soften and end up sortof like the consistency of deodorant. i've also used olive oil before, which worked just as well; it just stayed a more liquidy consistency. i still sweat using it, but i work out every day and really don't sweat anymore than i did with regular deodorant. it definitely works better than organic deodorant. also, a lot of people have had concerns that the oil would make them break out, but i haven't had that problem, so it's worth a shot.

hope it works for you!

toothless

2010-02-03T03:57:00.002-05:00

if you've had problems in the past telling k and b apart, we've got a solution: kennedy lost her tooth yesterday! it's a little sad because she won't get another one for probably another 4 years, but cute nonetheless. she already had a lisp, so now it's even worse and i love it! we were in st simons a year and a half ago when she fell on her face on concrete and broke the tooth in half. one of our family's good friends is a pediatric dentist (and a really good one if you live in the alpharetta/johns creek area and need a dentist for your kids), so he put a crown on it to try and save it, but the damage had already been done and it abscessed so he decided it was best if he remove it all together. it made her first few trips to the dentist pretty traumatic, but it helped that she knows danny and he was great making her comfortable. she's still getting used to it and timid when she eats, but if you know k, that won't last for long. here's her toothless grin...

pretty sweet.

on their favorite cartoon, super why, wyatt lost his tooth this week too and the tooth fairy paid him a visit. i thought it was perfect timing and would make her trip to the dentist easier, so we talked about the tooth fairy and how we would leave the tooth under her pillow (along with a note saying blakely was sweet while kennedy was at the dentist and needed a treat too :)) and she would have a gift when she woke up. she was soooo excited all day and rushed to bed with her tooth in a little pink box, but when brett and i went up to put them to bed, the tooth fairy's visit was given the same reaction as santa's. they were scared to death and decided they didn't want that lady coming in their room while they slept. daddy came to the rescue, stepped out of the room to make a quick phone call to his brother to explain the situation, then called the tooth fairy (aka our sister-in-law) with k and b to ask her to leave the gifts in mommy and daddy's room for us to give them. this sufficed for a little while, then they decided they didn't even want her in our house, so we had to call the tooth fairy back and ask her to leave it in our mailbox for us to get in the morning (and lock all the doors really tight). the thought of her visiting our neighborhood in the middle of the night didn't cut it either, so kennedy decided she wouldn't open her eyes because she might see her and blakely decided she wouldn't lay down so she tried to sleep sitting on the edge of her bed. needless to say, we checked the mailbox at 8:30 last night to find the tooth fairy had already come so they didn't have to worry about a middle-of-the-night trip. i think we're done with make-believe in our house. these girls are way too practical!

the birthday boy

2010-01-29T05:30:00.000-05:00

happy golden birthday brettlee! i've never seen god's hand more clearly in my life than in giving me you to walk with through it. you are my soft place to land day after day, and the one i want to share every moment with, whether life is good and perfect or i'm down and out and thinking life is over (in all my drama). you are the sweetest, most humble, most gentle man i know. before i met you, it was cool to say you wanted a man who would be a "spiritual leader" (remember that phase all the girls went through?), so i said it too, thinking it was somebody who prayed with you and led you in a bible study or something. you gave new meaning to the term, and to what i never knew a husband could be. you live out the gospel for me daily by dying to yourself, laying your own selfish desires down for me, kennedy, and blakely. you give me grace when i don't deserve it, and forgive readily. you challenge me in my sin, but never through condemnation or pride. i understand the gospel of grace now because you have lived it out for me. reading about god's grace or hearing pretty songs about it couldn't reach my heart the way having someone live it out did. you know the extent of my sin and the wretchedness of my heart and love me anyway. i love that our girls get to grow up with you as their daddy. you are a sweet picture for them of their heavenly father, but honest with them about your own sin and your own need for a savior. i hate it for their husbands...they're gonna have big shoes to fill to compare to their daddy. you love all of us so well. today i'm celebrating all you are, my love.

merry maids

2010-01-26T07:57:00.005-05:00

i really struggle with knowing how much responsibility to give a 3 year old. kennedy and blakely are 2 messy little girls. i don't know if this is normal for a toddler, or if we have 2 future slobs on our hands. regardless, i'm OCD about order in our house and i hate it. brett is too, so k and b have been good for teaching us to somewhat relax over what our home looks like. i have to make a concerted effort to not run around after them all day long, picking up every mess they make and driving both them and myself crazy. i've been bad about cleaning up every mess they make because it's much more efficient than teaching them what to do, dealing with them whining over not wanting to do it, and waiting patiently for them to finish the job. if i've learned anything from having kids, it's that love and parenting are not efficient. whether it's being patient with them only when i feel like it, or doing things for them instead of teaching them how to do it themselves, i find myself wanting to live life efficiently rather than effectively molding and teaching. parenting is not efficient, and it's not always convenient, but it's been really good for me to learn what it looks like to lay down my own desires for the good of my kids. i wish it came naturally to me to be selfless, but it's not my forte, and something i must rely on the holy spirit's work in me for.

anyway, since k and b's messes keep getting bigger and bigger, and i feel like they have no respect for our home or their stuff, brett and i have decided that it's time to give them more responsibility. i'm working on a chore chart (if anyone has one they use, please send it my way!) and trying to decide how much they can handle. we started yesterday with making them clean their room. we have attempted this before, but yesterday it was the biggest mess you've ever seen. i should have taken a picture of it, but didn't. since they share a room that's not very big, all we can fit in there are their beds, so we put their dresser in the closet. about a year ago we moved all of the clothes from their dresser into our closet downstairs because they kept getting in their drawers and having fashion shows and wrecking their room with clothes. this has worked so far, but yesterday they figured out how to get to the clothes that were hanging in their closet. they were in their room playing and kennedy was whining. i thought they were just fighting over something, so i ignored her for awhile. when i finally went up there to see what was going on, she was standing in the top drawer of her dresser and was stuck. they had pulled out each drawer to make stairs and had climbed up to their clothes and pulled every one of them down. i guess she was getting them down and handing them to blakely to model all of them. while i wanted to yell at them and hang all of them up, i decided i needed to just teach them how to put the clothes on hangers and make them do it. they're lazy and hate to clean. every time i tell them they have to clean something they say they're tired or cold, so of course they started in with excuses. i taught them what they needed to do to clean their room, dividing the clothes into one pile to put on hangers, and their toys into another to put into their toy box. i also told them that they couldn't come out of their room until the job was done. i'm sure it sounds mean, but i watched them to make sure they could put the clothes on hangers, so i knew they were capable. this was at 2 o'clock. when brett got home at 6, guess who was still in their room? we both went up there and talked to them, and brett reinforced my message that they weren't coming out of their room until it was done, even to eat dinner. the problem with 2 is they can't stop playing long enough to get anything done. by this time, it was principal, and i knew if i let up then, they would "win". food can get them to do pretty much anything, so they got more serious about their job. at 7, they came out of their room with "mommy, come look!". they were so proud. and here's what i walked up the stairs to:

they had taken every single thing out of their room except their beds and put it in the hall. 5 hours later and the room was spotless. i had to laugh, but teach them too the lesson i've learned on efficiency. they way they did it was certainly efficient, but not very effective! we finally got it cleaned up together, but hopefully they learned that it's not very fun to clean up things they've destroyed. we'll see if it makes them less messy, but i'm not holding my breath until i see a change.

oh, and if you're wondering about the shirt on blakely's head in the picture above, that's her new thing. she wears a shirt on her head at all times now (i make her take it off to go somewhere of course, but as soon as we get home she puts it back on). k and b are at an age where they're realizing that all the other little girls have long hair and they want it too. this has been blakely's version of extensions. she thinks since the sleeves hang down her shoulders and the rest of the shirt hangs down her back that she has ingeniously found a way to have long hair. seriously, she's wearing it now too. she sleeps in the thing.

happy tuesday!

homemade: energy bars

2010-01-25T15:37:00.001-05:00

brett is not a big breakfast eater, which i don't understand. i spring out of bed ready for a 5-course meal, so i don't understand what it's like for my stomach to not be "awake" as he puts it. to get anything in him before lunch he has to have something available that he can eat on the go an hour or so after he leaves home or he will go the whole morning without eating, then be ravenous for lunch. i've been buying energy bars for him to take with him, but now i'm mad at myself for spending over a dollar on each of these because in my goal to not buy anything i can make myself, i have 2 great recipes to make my own! if you've ever had either of these bars, the below versions don't taste identical, but they are really good, healthy, cost efficient, and brett and k and b all like them. it's great for me because i've always got something on hand to send with him for breakfast, or a quick snack to grab k and b that i know is healthy. if you like either of the recipes, it's definitely worth a bake day once a week to have something healthy and convenient on hand.

clif bars
i'm not super excited that these have processed cereal in them, but i'm not sure what else to use to replicate the consistency of the original bars...

1 1/4 cups rice krispies
1 cup quick-cooking oats
3 T ground flaxseed meal (healthy of course, but if cost is a concern and you don't want to buy unnecessary ingredients, feel free to leave it out)
1/4 cup craisins
1/4 cup dark chocolate chips (i use whole foods brand...they're dark chocolate chunks with 70% cacao. most chocolate chips' main ingredient is sugar, but their's is chocolate liquor. again, you can leave the chocolate out, but it adds not only taste but extra antioxidants)
1/4 cup sliced almonds (toasted is better but you can make them without toasting first)
1/4 cup raw honey
1/2 cup natural peanut butter
1 t vanilla extract
a few dashes of sea salt

in a large bowl, mix the rice krispies, oats, flaxseed, craisins, chocolate chips, and almonds. in a pot, heat the honey, then add the peanut butter, vanilla, and salt, stirring constantly until melted. pour this mixture over the cereal mixture and mix well. let it sit for a few minutes until it stiffens, then press it into an 8x8 or 9x9 pan. cut into bars. i haven't figured out yet how to make the bars not crumbly, so i wrap them each individually in aluminum foil. i buy the individual reynolds wrappers, then cut these in half. i put one bar on each sheet, form the bar again if it has crumbled, then wrap the bar up, forming it as i go...does that make sense? store the individually wrapped bars in a big ziploc in the refrigerator. ours have never lasted long, but i'm guessing according to the ingredients that the shelf life should be several weeks.

i'm often intimidated by recipes with long ingredient lists because i automatically think it will be more expensive for me to go out and buy the name brand than make them, but you can make a lot of bars by buying all of these ingredients. brett takes them for his office to eat so i make tons of them. i sixed the recipe (i'm well aware that's not a word, but i don't know what else to call it...think doubled but did it times 6) and made 40 last night and still had leftover ingredients. i've calculated it and these seem to come out to about 50 cents each.

peanut butter cookie lara bars
my sister-in-law kary sent me a blog with an idea for homemade lara bars, which i made a few weeks ago. this recipe called for dates, which is the main ingredient in lara bars. i tried it out and they tasted fine, but i figured that raisins would give a similar taste and they are way cheaper, so that's what i went with. i also don't think lara bars have salt, but i love sweet/salty combos, so i added some sea salt in...

in a food processor, combine 1/3 cup raisins, 1/2 cup peanuts, and a few dashes of sea salt to make 2 bars. for each bar, form it with your hands and wrap in saran wrap or aluminum foil as i described with the clif bars.

enjoy!

homemade: dishwashing detergent

2010-01-19T19:54:00.001-05:00

here it is...

1/2 cup dr bronner's sals suds (you can order this from amazon, and i'm sure they probably have it at whole foods or another natural store, but i get mine at natural foods warehouse...definitely worth a trip if you live in the johns creek area because a big bottle is less than $7)
1/2 cup water
1 t lemon juice
3 drops tea tree oil
1/2 cup white vinegar

mix and use about a tablespoon per load. it has worked well for me, but i'm anal about dishes and wash food off completely before i put them in the dishwasher. let me know if you try it with stuck on food. i'd be interested to know if it still works the same as commercial detergent. also, i keep an olive oil bottle next to my sink and mix this recipe with more water, then use it for any dishes i handwash. i don't know if it will be drying to hands, but i guess i'll see soon enough.

craft hope for haiti

2010-01-18T14:46:00.003-05:00

click here to help those in need. 100% of the proceeds of anything you purchase will benefit doctors without borders and their work in haiti.

homemade: laundry detergent

2010-01-18T07:54:00.003-05:00

this is the first of my homemade concoctions, and it's working pretty well. i use lavender castile soap and it leaves our clothes with a nice smell. i read somewhere to use vinegar for fabric softener, but i can smell really well...way too well for vinegar. as of now, i'm not using any fabric softener, but if anyone has a natural suggestion, please send it my way.

if you've never used castile soap, but want to start making your own products, stock up now! this stuff is great and can be used on anything. you can even brush your teeth with it (not that you would want to, but it's that safe). you can get it anywhere...whole foods, kroger, target, online, etc. i use dr. bronner's brand, and the bottle is a little weird (you'll understand when you read it), but the product is good.

this recipe comes from www.passionatehomemaking.com:

1 cup castile soap
2 cups water
1/3 cup salt
1 cup baking soda
mix the salt and baking soda with warm water until dissolved. add in castile soap and mix well. use 1/4-1/2 cup per load.

i keep mine in a carafe, along with my dishwashing detergent and vinegar. you can put it in in anything obviously, but i'm a sucker for packaging...i guess i feel like housework is more glamorous if my products are packaged well :) i've gotta run, but i'll try to get the dish detergent recipe up tomorrow.

the case for homemade

2010-01-15T07:55:00.003-05:00

since i've been gradually making the switch to natural, organic, and homemade products, i often get the question "isn't it as cheap to buy the stuff after you've bought all of the ingredients to make your own?". the answer is yes and no.

to start with, i'm not making the switch to be cool. maybe it's becoming the thing to do in this economy, and maybe organic is what celebrities do and that makes it trendy, but honestly it's just what works for our family right now. as i've studied the affects of chemicals, pesticides, artificial elements we put in our bodies, etc., and compared that to the crazy rate of infertility, cancer, and other ailments our country is stricken with, i'm led to believe that all of this could have to do with what we are exposed to/put in our bodies. i'm not saying all this to say you should do it too, or that if you have an ailment it's because of any of these reasons. i'm not a doctor or scientist, and i don't know enough about any of this to be a credible source. this is simply my opinion, and again, what works for our family right now. i have free time since k and b are in school 2 mornings a week, and we are still on a budget. basically, i have more time than money right now. as most of you know, brett started his company a little over 2 years ago. as happens when you start a company, we went to no income and decided to live strictly on our savings to avoid having to take out a business loan. i've grown up pretty frugally, but this was a whole new (honestly fun) challenge. i got into the whole art of couponing and loved to see what i could get free at the grocery store each week (it was a game that i drove myself crazy with...and a lot of you as i talked about my deals :)). i was able to get tons of free and/or cheap stuff, but the thing i realized over time was that most of it was processed, packaged food, or conventional cleaning products. over the past year, i've tried to transition slowly to organic, but my goal continues to be sticking to my current food budget. i was already buying organic dairy, and some organic fruits and vegetables, but with the ridiculous price of organic meats, i stuck to conventional (and the oh-so-cheap tyson plant). this year, i am trying to transition to organic meats as well as more organic fruits and vegetables, thus my decision to go homemade with a lot of other things. pretty much everything i find myself making homemade has the same basic ingredients, so i'm able to buy organic ingredients in bulk, along with adding in organic meats, and stick with our budget. so the basic answer to what's cheaper is if you use coupons and buy conventional, there's a chance it's cheaper that way, but if you want to take your family to a more natural plan, it's most definitely cheaper to make your own stuff than buy natural/organic. not to mention, there's such a sense of satisfaction in the hard work you have to put into it. i feel like a 50's housewife and i kinda like it ;)

all that to say, i am a stay-at-home mom. since i bring no income in, i see it as part of my job to take care of our family and home while saving us money anyway i can. if i worked full time there's no way in the world i would be able to do all of this. and i still haven't found a way to do it perfectly. so if you read my blog and roll your eyes, remember that if there's a day i've made my family's bread, shampoo, deodorant, and laundry detergent, there's a good chance i've ignored my kids. give my family preservatives, spend $1000 a month on food, or ignore my kids. not really a good option there, huh? it's all about balance, and i'm still trying to figure it all out. if you read my blog long enough, you'll see that i get on kicks. i've always got a project or interest. if you listen to sandra mccracken's song i posted yesterday, you can think of me, because often these are just the kingdoms i'm building on earth, and i'm ever thankful to have a savior to offer me redemption when i turn things that should be good into idols. it might look like i'm doing good for my family, but sometimes it becomes something to fill my time or make me feel worthy of who knows what.

anyway, i'm really not trying to turn my blog into a food and health blog, even though that's the direction it seems to be going. i'm just trying to document the things i'm doing this year to work towards my goals, and this goes along with it (plus it's what i do for fun, so i naturally like to talk about it in hopes that other people like it too. you're thinking i need to find a hobby if i think this is fun, right?). if any of you tune in to hear stories and see pictures of k and b, i'll try to keep those coming too. have a good weekend!

eve

2010-01-14T18:53:00.005-05:00

"though the apple is still in her fist she swears it shouldn't have to be like this. she is now strung up and strung out from wherever you look, it doesn't matter now how much she took.
where are you now? when your kingdoms have crumbled down, where are you now?

i live in a house of pain and lust, before the glory and after the rust. some of it's yours and some of it's mine. if i could just love you enough maybe i could let it lie.
where are you now? when your kingdoms have crumbled down, where are you now?

your fallen worth and your falling tears have left you stranded there in the garden of your fears. sweet redemption rings in the air; sweet redemption will hold you there.

where are you now? (i am calling you by name)
where are you now? (come to me and leave your shame)
though your kingdoms have crumbled down...sweet redemption."

-sandra mccracken

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGOfLX3DEfs&feature=PlayList&p=5C20782FFA423011&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=19

2010

2010-01-13T06:59:00.005-05:00

well, i guess it's time i put my 2010 goals in writing for everyone to see in hopes that i'll live them out this year. i'm hoping that having a blog will help, as i can record my progress. i love setting goals and i love the new year for it's new beginnings. i know i can make new goals and start working on them at anytime, but the new year brings a new energy for me. here they are (and there's a good chance more will be added since it's already mid-january and i've added a new one almost every day this month.)

1. limit wasted time. i spend WAY too much time getting lost in stalking people in blogworld or on facebook. i want to make my "free time" more purposeful. i like having my goals as a gauge to ask myself if what i'm doing during this time lines up with what i want to accomplish/work towards this year.

2. blog more. i'm a sporadic blogger, but writing organizes my mind more than anything else, plus i love having a virtual family scrapbook that i can look back on one day.

3. recycle. i've been convicted about how i give no thought to taking care of god's creation. i used to think this practice was reserved for tree huggers, but apparently i'm one now (according to brett) because of my next goal...

4. go natural/homemade/organic. this is probably the goal i'll give the most attention to this year because of so many reasons. i'm already experimenting with the many, many things you can make yourself, so i'll be recording a lot of those here if you're interested in joining in with me. i started this last year, but i've been working heavily towards it this year already. part of this goal is to not buy anything i can make myself (a lofty striving when you start to learn everything you can make from scratch). there's a good chance i'll burn out so i may need some encouragement here.

5. stop treating my awesome camera as a point-and-shoot (i.e. take a photography class).

6. learn to sew. my mom and grandmother both sew, so i'm going to get sporadic lessons from them. i'm horrible and impatient, so i'm not sure it's my thing, but i want to work towards it.

7. be more consistent in teaching scripture to k and b. we bought them a little bible that we are reading with them every day, but all they ever want to read about is baby jesus. they don't really care to hear about him as a man. not sure how to get there?! :)

8. start playing tennis. i'm thinking i'll need lessons here too. my mom plays and just started like 5 years ago, so i think it's ok to pick it up at 29.

9. learn to ski. this is brett's favorite thing in the world, and i really want to be able to go with him. we went to park city last year, but i just couldn't do it. i think people who ski look so cool, but i don't know if i'm not built for it or what. we got to the top of the mountain, and the first problem is he didn't tell me i had to ski off of the lift, so he skied off without me, then i had to jump off and about broke my hip. once we started down the mountain, every time i would gain momentum i would get nervous and fall down on purpose, so after an hour of 3 feet then fall, 3 feet then fall, brett held my skis, put me on his back, and skied down that way. after awhile, we saw a guy on a snow mobile driving food up to one of the restaurants and i asked him to take me down. needless to say, i might need a miracle for this one (or atleast lessons on a bunny slope).

10. yoga atleast once a week. i started yoga last year and am now hooked. i used to avoid it because i felt like if i was going to spend an hour working out, i needed to be efficient and burn calories. i've seen an improvement in my weight training and cardio workouts because of it, so i want to be more consistent with it. plus, it's the most relaxing thing i do and forces an hour of selfishness.

11. drink more tea. in making our family's plan to go natural i'm learning about all of it's benefits.

12. start k and b in gymnastics.

13. wallpaper my half bath (if you're thinking i might as well go ahead and put a border halfway up or stencil some folk art at the top, be assured it's not gonna look 80s...there's some awesome wallpaper out there now. i just ordered a sample of the one i think i'm going to use, so hopefully i'll get it done soon (actually, i should probably say my mom will get it done soon. i don't know how, and don't really care to learn :)).

14. decorate k and b's room. brett's mom just gave us some old twin beds for their big girl room, so we'll be painting them and the room and working on bedding. i've got the idea in my head, so it's just a matter of putting it into action.

15. do something to our backyard. it's hideous.

16. start a garden (goes along with the backyard and going natural). i want to plant herbs and fruits and vegetables, but i've killed everything i've ever tried to plant. i don't mind planting stuff but i think it's supposed to keep itself alive. i'm not very diligent in following through with the many projects i begin, so maybe that should be my goal instead.

17. start making k and b do chores. not sure what all a 3 year old can handle, but they are MESSY right now, so i want to figure out how to give them more responsibility around our house.

18. go to orlando. brett and i lived there our first few years of marriage, and i've been wanting to go back and visit. we haven't been since the girls were 1, so it's time to pay a visit. i'm thinking it may be time to take the girls to disney anyway.

19. brush k and b's teeth. this is the most embarrassing one because we sound like a dirty family, but does anyone else HATE brushing their kids' teeth?! it's such a fight, so i usually end up telling myself they'll fall out anyway (so brett ends up doing it and i feel like an irresponsible mom).

this is a lot, but remember it's goals, not commitments :). i wish i was a marathoner, but i'm definitely a sprinter. i tend to start strong and burn out quickly, so wish me luck. good thing there's 352 days left. i'll post my progress along the way!

it's a marshmallow world

2010-01-08T12:34:00.006-05:00

...and we're stuck. i watched the news yesterday and laughed at all of the people rushing stores to empty the shelves of milk. you know who's laughing now? the people driving down the street who pass brett hiking to kroger in his ski gear and back pack. yep, we're stuck in our neighborhood, and we're not gonna starve to death, but combine my boredom driving me to cook with a man's drive to provide for his family, and the hike began. i got an e-mail this morning from our home owner's association saying the street going into our neighborhood was a solid sheet of ice, preventing anyone from leaving. most people in the neighborhood were atleast smart enough to move their cars to the street so as not to be stuck in their driveway (a lot of the houses are on a steep hill)...

not us. and the blanket you see on our driveway looks like pretty snow, but underneath the beauty is solid ice...

the 4 of us bundled up and took a walk around the neighborhood to see for ourselves, and we ice skated on the streets for most of the way.

on the way, we met the UPS man who has been stuck in our neighborhood all morning, and heard of the guy delivering the AJC who has been stuck here since 5 am. when we got to the main street, we saw a minivan attempt to climb the hill that leads out of the neighborhood and saw it scurry backwards, do a 360, and jack a mailbox.
k and b have been talking about making snow angels for weeks, so they were excited to finally try it...

looks like we'll be here all day, but i can't say there's anywhere i'd rather be than cozied up by the fire, relaxing with brett and roasting marshmallows with k and b. enjoy your snow day!!

fun food find

2010-01-05T14:15:00.005-05:00

i've purchased flatout bread before for wraps, but wasn't totally crazy about it. it was impressive nutritionally but a little dry for me. BUT...i'm really excited about the crisps they just came out with!

(odd picture but all i could find online)
i don't love serving my family anything processed and out of a bag or box, and there are definitely more ingredients than i like to see on a label, but for weeks you don't have time to make your own bread and chop fruits and veggies all day (wouldn't that life be lovely?) they're a really good alternative to crackers because each serving has 6 grams of fiber and 6 grams of protein (and i think about 130 calories). i've only tried the multigrain and four cheese, but both were really good. i've served them with hummus and cheese, and i even put them on my sandwich today (i'm still 6 and like chips on my sandwich). brett and k and b all love them too. it's a great time to try them because publix has them on sale buy one get one free this week (remember though that publix's sales run thursday to wednesday, so the sale will be off after tomorrow. also remember that you don't have to buy 2...you can get one and it will ring up half price if you are afraid of buying them and not liking them. pretty sure that won't happen though). you can find them in the bakery.
since i have to have something sweet every afternoon, i came up with this little treat today, and it was the perfect mix of sweet and salty (plus a good balance of carbs, fat, and protein). i usually end up eating chocolate or ice cream or whatever i can find when i feel like i'm gonna die if i don't have something sweet, then crash 30 minutes later when my blood sugar swings. this was satisfying because the sugar is balanced by fat, protein, and fiber (not claiming marshmallows as healthy, but you can get by with a really small portion of sugar here)...
spread the multigrain crisps with natural peanut butter, then top with either mini marshmallows or thinly sliced big marshmallows (that's all i had). so yummy! i'm thinking tonight we'll roast marshmallows in our fireplace and make semi-healthy smores, replacing the chocolate with peanut butter.
hope your new year is off to a great start!

pregnancy nutrition

2009-12-30T13:24:00.003-05:00

i put together this meal plan for my friend, teri, who is pregnant, and thought i would share it in case any of my readers are pregnant as well. actually, it's a good way to eat anytime, but especially important for nourishing a growing fetus. i adapted it from the brewer diet for pregnancy, which was created by dr. tom brewer. dr. brewer has spent his career studying the effects of nutrition on pregnancy, and his recommendations are the result of 5 decades of studies. when the diet is followed correctly, it is supposed to have an almost 100% success rate against preventing preeclampsia. ironic i would give advice on the diet when preeclampsia almost killed me and resulted in an emergency c-section and blood pressure of 267/120...ha! i didn't say i followed the diet...just that it's a good idea. i was sick until the day i delivered k and b, so the only thing i could choke down most days was french fries and mcdonalds coke (anyone think it tastes different than other coke? i always have), but if you're lucky enough to not be sick and have a hearty appetite, this will give you and your baby what you need for a healthy pregnancy. the meals i've come up with should get you to about 100 grams of protein, which is dr. brewer's suggestion, but if you are pregnant with twins you'll need more like 150. yes, it's brutal to try and stuff 2 babies plus 150 grams of protein in your belly, but it's worth the effort so you don't have my same issue. remember, i'm not a nutritionist; just love it and have studied it a whole bunch...

each day, you'll need to eat the following; these are the minimums, but you can eat whatever else you want to too (but once you eat all of this food, you probably won't be able to hold a whole lot more :)). break all of it up by eating often to keep a steady supply of nutrition going to your baby:

4 servings of milk products
2 eggs
6-8 oz protein
2 servings green vegetables (a serving being about a cup)
5 servings whole grains
2 servings fruits or vegetables high in vitamin c (orange, grapefruit, strawberries, tomato, cantaloupe, green pepper, potato)
1 serving fruit or vegetable high in vitamin a (apricots, sweet potato, carrots, winter squash)
3 servings fat (each serving being 1 T oil, butter, peanut butter, or mayo or 1/4 avocado)

in my opinion, the best way to make sure you're getting all of the produce you need is by having a big salad for lunch every day. i still eat 9 servings of fruits and veggies a day, and i always get it by eating a salad. it may get boring, but it gives you so much energy, and you can do a lot to make it fun. also, i did (and still do) avoid artificial sweeteners. here are some examples. choose one food from each line. let me know if it's confusing:

breakfast:
-2 pieces whole wheat toast with 1 T peanut butter or 2 waffles with 1 T butter or peanut butter or 1 cup whole grain cereal with 2 T ground flaxseeds added
-2 eggs (if it's a pain to have to cook them in the mornings, boil a bunch every week and keep them in the fridge. that's what i do and they're not as good, but much easier)
-1 cup milk

mid-morning snack:
-1 orange or 1/2 cup strawberries or 1/2 grapefruit or 1/2 cantaloupe
-1 cup yogurt (if you eat yogurt, make sure it's not light. low fat or fat free is fine, but not the kind with fake sweeteners. if you want less sugar, buy plain and sweeten it yourself with honey or agave nectar)

lunch:
-salad with 2 cups romaine or other type of dark lettuce (spring mix, etc), 1/2 cup beans, 1/4 cup sunflower seeds, 2 T oil based salad dressing (preferably full fat) or oil and vinegar (and anything else you want to add to it for fun...those are just the minimums; i like craisins, feta cheese, etc)
-whole wheat muffin (find a good recipe and freeze a bunch :))

mid-afternoon snack:
-orange or 1/2 cup strawberries or 1/2 grapefruit or 1/2 cantaloupe
-1 string cheese

dinner:
-4 oz steak, chicken, turkey, etc
-sweet potato with 1 T butter, sprinkled with cinnamon or 1 cup carrots steamed with 1 T butter
-whatever vegetable you want
-whole wheat roll or piece of bread

bedtime snack:
-1 cup whole grain cereal or 1/2 cup granola or whole grain granola bar
-1 cup milk

christmas past

2009-12-29T09:32:00.004-05:00

2006

2007

2008

2009

christmas catch-up

2009-12-26T13:35:00.019-05:00

for about a month, i liked to call myself a blogger. i like finding identities for myself and giving myself titles, and since i blogged (pretty) regularly, it seemed fitting. i think i definitely just have a blog now. christmas has been BUSY! our last 2 weeks in (lots of) pictures...

kennedy and blakely had their christmas program and party at school. they did so good standing up there. i had gotten a call from their teacher a few weeks ago telling me that she didn't think blakely was going to participate, so i was supposed to be seated in a place where i could easily get out to get her off the stage if she freaked, but she did great. she wasn't much for smiles, but i think it was because she was looking for gabby (my mom) and brett and i. once she saw us, she gave us her sweet little smile. kennedy did great, but she loves performing...

k and b with their teachers...

...and with gabby.

performing away in a manger.

along with new titles, i LOVE starting new traditions. i hoard ideas. if i do something and like it, i feel like i have to claim it as a tradition so i make sure and do it over and over again. this year, we started the tradition of the pink pig with k and b. they loved it!

this was also the first year we have taken k and b to a real nativity. the church their school is a part of had one the weekend before christmas, along with a real camel, sheep, donkey, etc, for the kids to pet, and hot chocolate and marshmallows to roast. no pictures of them petting the animals because they weren't very interested. kennedy liked to get near them but not touch them, but blakely said the camel stunk and needed a bath so she didn't want near it.

kennedy

blakely

between all of our families, we had 6 family parties. the week started at my dad's...

k and b eating with kole, my nephew.

papa and grammy gave them this huge jumpy thing.

my dad with kole and laney.

my sister-in-law, kary, and niece, laney.

my dad and brother playing guitars...

for k and b to sing.

k helping papa play.

and for all of my dacula friends...you have to tell me if you remember these dresses! i still laugh looking at these pictures. k and b found them and insisted on wearing them the whole night. my mom made this one and i wore it in little miss dacula. i think i was 6. i think i needed to eat because blakely is a pretty skinny 3 year old and it fit her...

now this beauty, i wore to the 8th grade dance. brett was terrified of how short and tight it must have been since it fit our 3 year old, but it's stretchy and i was really short and small at the time (i think 4'8"). (kelly, tell me you remember it! didn't we go in a group and eat at mick's at gwinnett place mall?)...

we spent the night with my mom and coach christmas eve eve and spent christmas eve morning with them...

blakely helping gabby cook breakfast.

kennedy watching.

b opening gifts from gabby and grandcoach.

k.

my brother kevin and laney.

christmas morning was spent at home enjoying our family of 4 and visits from grandparents. brett's brother and his wife and their kids came over that evening and spent the night (another tradition!)...

princess clothes.

trying to convince k that handmade gifts are fun.

b with the shirt i made her.

k's new watch.

trying to decide what to open next.

sleeping beauties.

remember the j crew models' socks?

in the christmas dresses made by gabby.

playing with new toys (looking back at this, it looks like 1 kid looking in a mirror).

concert.

fitting 2 families of 4 on 1 couch for a movie.

snuggling after a fun day together.

we spent the day after christmas with coach's (my stepdad's) family, but i forgot my camera, so i don't have any pictures of it. and the day after that, we spent in jasper with brett's mom and stepdad. among lots of other fun things, k and b got their first bikes, so they were thrilled. riley and ansley got them too, so they were all so excited together...

cousins.

sweet riley.

reading the christmas story with mimi.

getting their bikes.

kennedy.

blakely.

and finally, for those of you who know brett, you know he's the best gift giver ever. he keeps a password protected document and anytime i mention something i like or want throughout the year, he writes it down, so christmas holds lots of fun surprises for me (mostly of things i love but forgot i love). i love it because i never give him a "list". he's just thoughtful and sweet. some of this year's fun...

a new heart rate monitor. mine died a few months ago and i've been lost without it.

a slimline bible so it's fun and easy to hold.

starbucks via (and k trying to get in the picture). this stuff tastes nothing like normal instant coffee.

my favorite running socks.

and also stuff i didn't take pictures of: a sweet scrapbook of our year that i will look at over and over again (k and b's gift to me), a clutch he picked out, a giftcard to one of my favorite restaurants for a date, my philosophy makeup optional kit (my favorite skincare), and new cowboy boots that i love but had to send back to get a different size. and no, i don't always take pictures of gifts i get, so if you're wondering why i did this year, it's because i was practicing with THIS...

...a new camera!! i told brett if i was going to be a "blogger", i needed a new camera. i didn't know i was going to get one i couldn't figure out how to work, but i love it nonetheless, and will hopefully figure it out soon! i'm so excited to have new pretty pictures to post (again, if i can figure out how to work it. the manual is like a textbook, so it will probably take me a while).

that's all for now. hope you had a very merry christmas and are gearing up for 2010 (weird)!