protein bars

i'm tired of paying $1 plus for protein bars, especially when most have way too much sugar or fake sweeteners, so i decided to try and create my own. brett and i got on a weight lifting/protein recovery kick one time and bought a thing of protein powder as big as k and b, so it was nice to find a way to use it. the bars turned out edible, but not great. actually, i like them but i'm pretty easy to please when it comes to food, and i don't think any protein bars really taste that good (besides balance cookie dough and zone double chocolate, but again, a lot of sugar in both). they're not very sweet, which i really like, but they're too dry. maybe i should add more applesauce next time? let me know if you try them and do something different...i just want to keep them as natural and low sugar as possible (all measurements are approximate):

combine the following, press into a greased 9x13 pan, cook for about 20 minutes in a 325 degree oven, then cut into bars after they cool. i'll probably refrigerate mine in case it takes us awhile to eat them:
2 1/2 cups oatmeal (i used old fashioned, not instant, but steel-cut would be even healthier and less processed)
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 cup no sugar added applesauce
1/2 cup shredded coconut
3 T ground flaxseed
1/4 cup maple syrup
1/4 cup slivered almonds
1/3 cup natural peanut butter
3 scoops protein powder (i used vanilla whey, and my scoop is 18 grams of protein. i would like to have more protein in them, but i was afraid they would taste weird if i put too much, so i'll add more next time)

i just used ingredients i had on hand, but i'm sure you could put whatever else you wanted in them (raisins, dark chocolate chips, etc) and they would be good. also, if there's something you don't have, i'm sure you could leave it out and the recipe wouldn't be that affected. the main thing is making sure you have a source of fiber, protein, and healthy fat in your bars (but trying to find something that will add moisture to yours). happy tuesday everyone!

lately

christmas coming up has us busy, thus the lack of posts. here's a little of what we've been up to this past week...

trip to our friend will's family farm for a pig roast...








playing store all day long with the cash registers my grandmother gave k and b as an early christmas gift...


enjoying k and b's singing and acting skills...


again...


and again...


and again...


making christmas gifts...


finding products of k and b's really big imagination...


loving life with my 3 favorite people...

the good life

though my blog and the thoughts i share here are fairly new, some of you have walked through this crazy journey of motherhood with me for the past 3 1/2 years and have known my struggles. you've seen me hate it, wonder why being a mom wasn't always what i thought it would be, and wonder why everybody else seemed to adore their kids and always have matching bib/burp cloth combos for them and i left mine in my car in the driveway one day hoping somebody would take them. you've seen me experience the death of a dream when the job i had waited my entire life for finally came calling in the form of a husband, kids, and a home to keep, and i was disappointed beyond the ability to hide it when it was accompanied by colic, months of no sleep, whacked out hormones, and depression. others of you might know me but didn't know that the pictures i posted on facebook at the time were only a facade (gasp! facebook, a facade?). we looked like a sweet, happy family, but the majority of months since june 2006 have been filled with my kids screaming, me screaming back at them, me screaming at brett because i wanted to be mad at somebody that i couldn't control my kids and didn't know who else to be mad at, and brett trying to start and run a company and still love and serve his crazy wife and screaming kids. in an effort to try and figure out how to like my life again, i started a cupcake company with my sweet friend pollye to add to the chaos. sounds pretty bad, huh? it was. and granted it's easier to say this since i'm saying "i WAS crazy and didn't like my kids" and not "i AM crazy and don't like my kids", but i have good news to report: i love my life and i adore my kids so much that i want to bite them. i really do. sometimes i squeeze them so hard i think i hurt them. while i used to live for times i could get away from them for a weekend trip, now if i'm away for an evening, i can't wait to get home to them and go in their room to stare at their sweet sleeping faces. i tear up when i look at the little angels deep in sleep and wonder how i could ever think i would have been better off never having kids. they ask me all the time when they are going to grow up and be like me and i tell them what i wish i could make happen: "i'm not letting you grow up. you're gonna be my little girl forever and i'm always going to hold you and hug you and kiss you and love you more than anybody in this world". i can say it over and over again that i regret the years i spent running from them, but if it hadn't happened, i wouldn't be able to see god's incredible work in opening my heart to love these 2 kids more than i ever could have imagined. now that they are in school 2 days a week, i treasure the days they're not because i see how quickly it will be 5 days that they are away from me. i'm not ready for it. i never thought i would say that, but i'm not. i love the days we spend together playing and running errands and making up silly songs and laughing. they're my little buddies now, and i must say they make really good companions. they make me laugh all day long and they're just fun...like i have these new little friends. i don't know why i felt the need to tell you all of this. i just had a sentimental moment thinking about how much i love my kids and i like to capture these thoughts for memories' sake, plus i thought i would share it in case you've wondered where my mental state is after the times i've talked about them driving me crazy. god's sweet gift of kids and the love he grows in our heart for them+ the most loving, supportive, and grace-giving man i've ever known walking through it with me (+lexapro :)) = bliss.

proud and humbled

along with all of the trying times as a mom, there are those moments when you reap reward for the tiny seeds you try and sew in your child day to day. that happened for me the other day with something kennedy said. i hate that i'm using an example with kennedy, because she's really not the perfect child, and blakely is capable of the same, it just so happened this way. anyway, k was pitching a huge fit on our way to the gym because of something silly. she didn't want to wear socks under her rain boots or something dumb...i don't remember exactly what it was even about. in a moment of annoyance, i told her if she didn't stop, she was going to spend the rest of the day in her room when we got home (not something i'm proud of saying because a.) that's the easy way out and really i just wanted to stick her there so i didn't have to deal with her. i didn't want to follow through with my whole spanking routine because i was late to my yoga class. yes, i was wrong., and b.) i never would have followed through with it so shouldn't have threatened it. besides, i knew it wouldn't work to tell her that because she knows i'm not going to leave her in her room for 12 hours or however ridiculously long she would have been there). when i finally got her calmed down enough to walk inside, we were waiting in line for me to check them into childcare, and she looked up at me and said "mommy, i'm sorry for pitching a fit". i was so proud of her that i didn't even know how to respond. the most important thing brett and i are trying to instill in k and b is repentance. good behavior is convenient and makes our life easier, and we do want them to learn to submit to authority, but at this age most kids aren't behaving well because they love mommy and daddy enough to want to be obedient to them. at least in my experience, most kids act "good" because they're either easy, laid back kids (usually kennedy) or they're scared not to. we want our kids to obey us out of love and respect, not because they're scared of our wrath. we are still in the (long) process of teaching k and b first-time obedience. maybe it shouldn't take 3 1/2 years, but k is a little stubborn and b is a lot stubborn, so who knows how much longer it will take. what we do believe in though is the power of repentance. sure, god loves our obedience and good works, but how many million times a day do we sin, even if just in our thoughts? if forgiveness of these sins comes through repentance, and it's a given that our kids will sin over and over and over again, what better to teach them than repentance? if i have to name a "big" sin that all of my "little" sins revolve around, it's pride. it has been my whole life, and i see bits of it in my kids, so i'm guessing there's a good chance they'll struggle with it too. repentance is hard for prideful people. i don't like admitting i'm wrong. it's easy for me in a blog to who knows what readers to admit little things i'm wrong about in parenting, but when real issues come up (mainly) with brett, there are few things i would rather not do than admit i'm wrong or say i'm sorry. in a grace-filled, gospel-centered relationship, nothing is more freeing though. i've never said "i'm sorry" to brett where he didn't offer forgiveness and i've never repented to the lord where he didn't embrace me with his love. i want to be able to model that grace to my kids by embracing them with love and offering total grace and forgiveness so they have a picture of how our heavenly father loves us as his children. i want them to see the power of repentance and practice it often. it was probably my proudest moment as a mom so far to see one of my kids repent to me without me telling her to.

on another note, as parenting always promises to do, a little while later i was humbled again. we haven't really known what to tell k and b about santa. we're not against them believing in him, but we didn't want this to be the focus of christmas. i loved the years i still believed and think it's a fun part of being a kid, but it's been a non-issue until this year. we took k and b to see the lights at lake lanier and santa was there and that was the first time they've seen him since they will actually remember it. kennedy sat on his lap and told him she wanted a ball, but blakely didn't want anywhere near him. she said she was scared he might bite her. i guess she thought he was some sort of animal. santa told k he was coming to our house and k told b and neither of them could go to sleep that night because they said they didn't want that man coming to our house. but what they did figure out is that you're supposed to ask santa for things, so they started talking about everything they wanted for christmas. i told them that christmas is not about getting things, but a time to celebrate jesus. the next day, i asked k and b what christmas was and blakely proudly announced that "it's when you ask jesus for lots of things". i guess i've failed in teaching the meaning of christmas. she's definitely got jesus and santa confused, but don't we all? brett and i have got a lot of teaching to do over the next 3 weeks.

have a good weekend! a picture of k and b at lake lanier (maybe i shouldn't post them riding illegally, but they had so much fun)...

thanksgiving

it's been a crazy week and a half, but i think i'm finally back in the swing of things. brett and i have lots of family, so each thanksgiving and christmas consists of 6 events. we had fun driving all over the state to see family, but our favorite day was thanksgiving day. we started the day the way i've started every thanksgiving of my life with 3 hours of coffee and the macy's parade. this is one of my favorite events of the year because with each float that parades by, i feel more in the holiday spirit, and by the end i'm officially ready for shopping and addressing christmas cards and all of the other commercialized (but fun) events that come along with the holiday season. after the parade, the 4 of us headed to kroger along with the rest of johns creek to pick out our thanksgiving lunch. brett and i spent the couple hours of the girls' nap cooking and talking and listening to christmas music and just being together work- and kid-free. brett fried some cornish hens...





...and i made tempura asaparagus, sweet potato fries with chipotle mayonnaise, and jalapeno macaroni and cheese.



the asparagus was soggy because i made the batter too runny, but the jalapeno mac and cheese was really good. i'm not a huge fan of macaroni and cheese because i always feel sick after i eat it, but this one was really good. it wasn't too heavy, but had enough flavor because of the peppers and onion and garlic. i don't remember exactly what i put in it, but i think it was this:
8 oz cream cheese
2 cups shredded cheese
2 jalapeno peppers
2 serrano peppers
1 1/2 cups milk (i used a combination of evaporated and 1 %)
1 lb. pasta (i used ziti)
onion
chopped garlic
feta cheese
i sauteed the onion, garlic, and peppers, boiled the pasta, mixed the milk and cheeses until everything was melted, then mixed all of that together, put it in a casserole dish, sprinkled the top with breadcrumbs and feta, and broiled it for a few minutes. it wasn't salty enough, so if you make it, i would add salt to the milk and cheese mixture while it's melting, or salt the whole recipe after you mix it together but before you put it in the baking dish.
i would also recommend the chipotle mayonnaise. i made it as an appetizer a couple of weeks ago when some friends came over to dress up frozen sweet potato fries. i just pureed some canned chiles in adobo sauce and mixed it with low fat mayo and a little bit of greek yogurt, dijon mustard, and honey. it's got a kick, but i think you could play with some different pairings.

i've gotta go get k and b up, so that's enough on thanksgiving. i would post pictures from all of our family parties, but i took my camera to all 6 of them and never used it. not much more to report, but i do have some more good recipes to share, so i'll get those up eventually. hope you enjoyed your thanksgiving!

thank you crayola

...for making washable crayons. what was supposed to be "playroom time" turned into...





pretty inconvenient, but i wouldn't feel like k and b's childhood was complete if they didn't do it at some point. don't all kids have a picasso moment on mom's (newly painted) walls?

lost sheep

i listened to a sermon by one of my favorite pastors, tim keller, this morning. it was an interesting teaching on jesus's referral to us as sheep. when reading of myself as a sheep before, i pictured myself as a sweet, cuddly little lamb that jesus likes to hold and pet because i'm cute and sweet. this morning, i was given a new view of myself that lined up even more with the ultimate picture of redemption god has been been showing me over the past 8 or so years.

i spent most of my life trying to do better. i grew up in church and pretty much always knew in theory that i needed a savior, but really i thought i needed a savior to save me and get me into heaven and the rest of it was about doing better and trying to emulate jesus's perfect life. i was pretty good at being good. i'm a people pleaser by nature. i like approval and i like for other people to think i've got it together. it's why i understand kennedy so well and struggle to understand blakely sometimes. i like to cooperate and meet people's expectations. so my life looked good. the truth is that my life looked like a life surrendered to jesus, but my heart was a phariseeical mess. i thought others should have it together like i did. i was self-righteous and propped myself up above others, demanding that they act like i was acting. that's not to say that i've arrived now and grown out of that; it's just that the older i get, the more i see my sin, my need for a savior, and god's complete and total pursuit and redemption of his people.

i like when i'm given a new picture to point me towards god's redemption of my rebellious heart, and tim keller's reminder of us as sheep was a good picture of who i really am and the amazement of god's love despite it. here's what i learned about us as sheep:

when the bible calls us sheep and god our shepherd, it's a very well-meant insult. a sheep is a stupid animal. it loses its direction continually in a way that a cat or dog never does. and even when you find a lost sheep, it goes to and fro and won't follow you home, so when you find it you must seize it, throw it to the ground, tie its 4 legs together, throw it over your shoulder, and carry it home. that's the only way to save a lost sheep.

i love this picture of myself as a sheep. i like being insulted in this way. when i was the sweet, cuddly lamb, anyone would want to love me and rescue me. there was something in me that called for that. when i'm a rebellious, wayward, stupid animal, if i'm rescued it's because jesus just loved me that much. nothing in and of myself deserved the rescue. even in the ugliness of my sin, he wrestles me to the ground, throws me over his shoulder, and takes me home. i don't waddle over to him, rub up against his leg, and ask to be petted. my heart is rebellious. i'm not good. he is. and i constantly need to be rescued. like the sheep, i am completely and utterly lost and the shepherd must do everything for my salvation. i'm not a dog or cat who will willingly follow my master home. it wouldn't have helped me for god to send a great teacher who tells me how to live and gives me a great picture to emulate. it's not okay for me to just try and live like jesus. i need a savior. i need someone to do everything i should have done, who has to live the life i should have lived, and die the death i should have died to bring me all the way home. i'm the infinitely lost sheep, but i have an infinitely loving shepherd. my shepherd will do anything to bring me home, and he does do everything to bring me home.

in my old identity, i was a good person, and i took a lot of pleasure in that. it left me feeling good about myself, but left me feeling superior to those who couldn't perform as well as me. the more i see my new identity as being completely wretched, but completely loved in spite of that fact, the more i'm learning to love others and see myself as better than no one. do i do it perfectly? not even close. i don't even do it to my own husband or kids. if i did, i wouldn't demand performance out of others the way i do. but the more i see how very sheep-like i am, the more i am able to see the great love of my savior, and that love is slowly transforming my self-righteous, wayward heart. it's a slow process, but he promises in his grace to continually rescue me and take me all the way home.