Thursday, July 29, 2010

ramblings and a clock

i think i've had writer's block for the past 4 months. i always want to think of some clever way to update you on our lives, but nothing comes to me. i'm 30 now. sounds like big news, but it's really not. it's been a fun month of celebrating so i might go through withdrawals now, but i felt loved and special, and i like my new decade. i know i've said it before, but i didn't love my 20s. a lot of great things happened...i mean i met, dated, and married brett, lived in 2 states, had 2 kids, and got pregnant with another...but to me, atleast in my experience, there's not much that's more refining than marriage or parenting, so the good things came with a lot of growing pains. besides, more than circumstances has just been this awkward decade of figuring myself out. looking back on it, i had no idea who i was at 20 and before. i didn't know what i was thinking or feeling. i hated those personality tests where you had to answer questions about yourself. i always answered them based on who i wanted to be. i remember doing one in high school, and i answered all the questions that i knew would diagnose me as "orange"...the fun, outgoing life of the party, because that's who i wanted to be. i knew it would be dorky when blue won and showed my ridiculous need for order and organization and deep relationships and alone time. i like being 30 because i know that's who i am and i know who god made me has been the basis for the way my life has shaken out. i know without a doubt i married the man more perfect for me than anybody in the world, and i know the way god made me is what drew him to me. i know the friends that i've walked through these past few hard years with are the ones i've connected with because of my make-up. i don't always love my personality make-up on paper, and i hate that when there's silence in a conversation i say dumb stuff to fill the space because i hate the awkwardness of it, and i hate that even if i saw one of my very best friends at the grocery store i would act awkward because it wasn't a planned meeting, and i hate how moody i am. but i do like that with age i start to care a whole lot less about trying to change my personality to be cool. i'm way more comfortable being dorky, and it's so much more fun that way.

really there's not much more depth to offer about my thoughts on life lately. i know i come out with random speeches every once in awhile about my latest revelations on life, but those usually happen when i'm not doing so well because that's when i'm forced into deep introspection and times of growth. pretty obvious why we're to count trials as blessings, huh? but right now, life is just good. i hesitate to even write those words because i know in 4 months, when our new little butterbean is here, i could be a psychopath. you know i didn't have the best experience with newborns before, so i'd be lying if i said i wasn't a nervous wreck. i've been fine up until now and could kind of pretend i'd never really have to take care of this baby outside of her living in me, but something changed when we found out the sex. i started to feel her move about the same time, and she became real and i remembered that she was going to actually come out, and i think i forgot how to take care of babies. i'm in a groove now with kennedy and blakely, and it's safe to say it's easy and fun and there are not many days anymore where i want to pull my hair out. there are some, but not many. as you know, blakely has been our difficult one most of these 4 years, but something has happened to that kid. she told me when she was 3 and horrible that she would start being sweet when she turned 4 and she did. she wasn't lying. we have had very few problems out of her since her 4th birthday. it just had to be her idea. we've had more problems out of kennedy, but i think that's been her adjusting to how to function when her role wasn't "the good one" anymore. we've tried lately to give her more attention so she can start seeing her value in other ways than good performance. i think it's going to be a lot of years of figuring out their dynamics as they get older and trying to parent them as individuals accordingly, but for now, i think i'm just in a honeymoon phase. i love to watch my kids talk and play with each other and can't believe there was a day i didn't like them. maybe it feels so good because the first 3 years were so hard, but i'm just in a sweet spot right now. not only are k and b sweet and fun, but pregnancy is good. i never understood people who said they liked being pregnant, but it's got to be because of this 20ish week mark. the nausea ended about 3 weeks ago and i only get sick now if i go longer than 3 hours without eating. zits, heartburn, and the uncomfortable hugeness aren't here yet, so i'm in that good in-between spot where i can still work out hard and do pretty much whatever i want to do, and sometimes i forget i'm pregnant. i'm trying to soak it up right now because believe me, i know what's to come and i DREAD it! i've never known misery like the heartburn i had at the end of my first pregnancy, then once the baby's here, i know it's no sleep for awhile, and then i get to create a new rug for my bathroom floor when the baby is 3 months old (for those of you who've never had a baby, or who's baby is less than 3 months old, get ready. the clumps of hair that fall out everytime you touch your hair are ridiculous. my hair's really thick and i really think i had a receding hairline). anyway, kind of like all of the lessons learned in my 20s, i know it's all for good and i'm excited for this new little life, but i know i better enjoy the bliss of these next 2 months before the hard times come. then again, maybe it was twins and won't be as bad as i think, but i like to prepare myself for the worst so i can be pleasantly surprised when it's better. for now, i'm just enjoying life as it is.

onto lighter things...we put a clock in kennedy and blakely's room yesterday. they're crazy early risers. they wake up at 6 or 6:30 most mornings, and they don't wake up and read books quietly in their bed. whoever wakes up first wakes the other up, then it's time for one of their concerts. they get on the stairs and sing, or come downstairs and talk reeeaaaallly loud. i guess they missed each other while they slept and have a lot to catch up on. it hasn't been a problem so far, but we realized that it's not going to fly when our new little one is here. i don't know yet what kind of sleep schedule she'll be on, but it will obviously be different than theirs and we're trying to start teaching them to be quiet and respectful while others are sleeping. anyway, brett showed them what 7:30 looks like on their clock, and told them that's when they get to come downstairs, and until then, they are to play in their room. they don't like this new idea. this morning i was sitting on the couch drinking my coffee and was entertained by their conversations revolving around their new clock. i think 7:30 is the only number they recognize so they were scared to death to miss it in case it passed without them seeing it. they must not have taken their eyes off of it because i heard one of them say something about "seven thirty" every 45 seconds, and every 50 seconds kennedy yelled out "i'm 'hongry'". when it was finally time for them to come down, blakely informed me that she wanted to come down at "that different o'clock. not that thirty o'clock. it took too long". i kindof like our new system and am excited about quiet and peaceful mornings.

have a good rest of the week and weekend!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

it's official...

...the next 20 years are going to be full of drama and crazy emotions! it's definitely a little girl. she looks just like kennedy and blakely did in their ultrasound, button nose and all, and believe it or not, it made me excited for another wild little girl to follow her sisters around (and maybe be different and calm, but that would just be too weird in our house). brett already says he can't get a word in between me and k and b, so can you imagine!? now it's time to dig out the few clothes i have left over from k and b. i gave most of them away because i swore when i had 2 screaming babies for 7 months that i would never go through this again, so she may spend the first 6 months in a diaper, but that's how we roll with our babes anyway. as i write this, blakely is running circles around the house with nothing but her "hair" on, and just came in to tell me "guess what i just did? i stood up on the toilet to tee tee" and now kennedy just ran in naked and stood up on my bed to demonstrate what blakely just did. this little girl has no idea what she's in for!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

perspective check

i was just reading a blog that i keep up with {fly through our window} and came across this post and video (scroll to the post from july 11 and the video is at the bottom). i don't know this family, but you've got to click on the video of hannah grace's princess party. i could compose myself while the video showed other people or details of the party, but there's no seeing her tired little face and not sobbing like you know her. and to think that she is k and b's age and to know the energy and life of a 4 year old. i just can't imagine how painful it is for these parents to watch their little girl suffer. it's the hardest i've cried in quite awhile, but a much-needed perspective check and reminder to soak up the time we have with the little lives we take for granted.

vbs

today wraps up kennedy and blakely's last day of vacation bible school at mimi and gdaddy's church. we had a parents' night open house last night where we went through the "worship rally" they do and got to watch them jam to all of the little songs they've learned this week.



they have come home every day talking about this dog. they loved him! shocking given their repulsion to the chick-fil-a cow and monkey joe and chuck e. cheese...





i love when they have a new experience like this because it gives them weeks of new material to spark their imaginations. ever since i picked them up today they've been performing their "yee haw" song and making name tags with sharpies and masking tape to put on all of the fake kids they seem to see. they went to another vbs a few weeks ago and they're still having fun performing all of the songs. we had some people over a few nights ago to do some survey stuff and as soon as these strange men walked in our house, they threw on their "hair", climbed on the fireplace, and started performing. they seriously still think everyone that comes in our house has been invited to their performances. definitely no confidence issues with these girls.

Monday, July 12, 2010

lots of updates

gosh, it's been forever since i've updated on our lives. summer has been way busier than i expected. i was afraid of getting bored, but no time for that. i'm trying to soak up my last few months with 2 kids. i have a feeling life with 3 is going to be a little crazier.

first of all, i went to the doctor a few weeks ago for my 16 week check-up. i was supposed to just hear the heartbeat, but the doctor couldn't find it because i had to pee. seriously, my bladder was too full. i had to wait forever, just like every other time i go to that place, but i'm afraid to leave the waiting room in case they call me and can't find me, so my bladder was about to explode when i finally got back to see the doctor. brett didn't come to this appointment, so when the doctor told me they were going to have to get me in for an ultrasound right away, i was excited at the thought of finding out the gender 4 weeks earlier than expected, but sad that brett wasn't there. not to worry though. we have yet another stubborn kid on the way. baby wouldn't cooperate, despite the ultrasound tech beating on my belly with that gadget they rub on you. i think i stopped breathing for about 3 minutes, half hoping it would help, half not able to from my nerves, but the umbilical cord was between its legs. she looked and looked, then announced that she "thinks it's a girl". she said she "wouldn't go out and buy anything", but she's so frickin conservative that she wouldn't even guess at our last appointment because it can be wrong, so i'm kind of trusting her on this one. i will admit that i was a little sad the rest of the day. everything in this pregnancy points to a boy, and we've asked god for a boy, but that might just not be his will for us right now (or ever, but i have a hard time saying that). selfishly, i wanted "permission" to never be pregnant again, but we would love to have one of each, so i guess we're keeping our options open now, and i'll possibly get to have the stomach flu for another 3 months :) of course, the tech could have been wrong, and it could still be a boy, but i can honestly say, not because it's the socially correct thing to say, but because i really mean it, that i'm totally happy with either. it's not the script we would have written, but neither was having twins, and nothing in this world brings me greater joy than watching my sweet little girls grow up together. besides, when i watch them, i wonder how on earth i could ever not want another one. i love little girls, and i'm sure i would love a little boy too, but we've just got to trust that god knows what he's doing. not that i'd be sad if we go back in a week and she was wrong...

on another note, our kids have switched personalites for the 49th time in their 4 short years. blakely is an angel now and kennedy is a rebel. i'll never figure these kids out, but i wish they would have a meeting and decide to both be sweet for a few days on the same day. i sure do love them though. have i told you lately how much i love 4 year olds? life is so fun right now, every day of it, and i'm trying to take it all in before it's time to figure out life as a family of 5.

onto other fun things going on, brett's countdown of my 30 days til 30 has begun. yep, the end of this month i'll enter the next decade. i could do without the "fine lines" that have decided to find their way to my face since having kids, but i'm excited about my 30s. i think the 20s are hard and confusing and 10 years of trying to figure out who you are, and i've learned more than i ever thought i would, but i wouldn't want to do it over again for anything. i LOVE birthdays, and everyone who knows me knows that includes my own, and my sweet husband never fails to celebrate it well. he says it's his favorite holiday (sweet, right?...probably not true, but sweet words and i'll believe they're true if i want to), and he's the best gift giver/surpriser i've ever known, so this year was no exception. his plan was to give me a gift every day for the 30 days leading up to my birthday, but he started the countdown off with this...



...so i'm thinking the gifts will go downhill from here :) and how adorable is the little bow on this humongous car (and you can't see but it says "happy birthday")? needless to say, it was a fun surprise, and my other tahoe didn't have a third row or dvd player, so this one will make hauling 3 kids around soooo much easier. he called this my "birth month" gift, then made a good observation about months...this means i've seen 30 julys. if you're 30, doesn't it seem like you've seen july so much more than 30 times? such a random thought he came up with, but i thought it was true and it made me giggle, so i thought i'd share.

and finally, another reason i've been out of touch is we spent the last week and a half in st. simons. the first week we were there with my mom and coach, aunt and uncle, brother and sister-in-law, and cousin and his friend, then brett's dad and stepmom came down for the weekend. k and b hate the beach, and i'm secretly glad. the beach is great if you can take a chair, book, and cooler and spend the day there, but with kids, by the time you load everything up, haul it to the beach, and sunscreen them up, it's time to go back in for lunch and naps. they hate the sand getting them dirty and brett and i are right there with them, so we spent most of our days at the pool. good news is k and b pretty much learned to swim. i wouldn't throw them in the deep end or anything, but they do pretty well if they're in the shallow end and can touch when they want to. brett had to work some, but he was able to spend a good chunk of most days with us. some pictures from our trip...


heading to the pool in the jeep


in a silly face phase


with gabby at bubba garcias


wiped out










gabby and grandcoach


k at the playground


b at the playground


b dramatically telling one of her intense stories


k


b. and yes, i think they look adorable in pigtails, but they won't leave them in for anything.

we have another appointment in a week and a half to find out gender for sure, so i'll update soon! happy july!