Monday, April 26, 2010

checking in

so, i think i haven't been writing because i don't want to lie and talk about pregnancy bliss. i really am so, so thankful for the opportunity to be pregnant again and (hopefully) welcome baby lane #3 into this world, but i sure pay for these kids. i don't want to complain because i'm so scared of something happening and me losing the baby, then wishing more than anything that i could be sick every day just so i could be pregnant, but as of now, each day is marked by praying that it goes by quickly so i can go to sleep and forget the nausea. i really don't want to wish the next 7 months away because that means missing sweet moments in k and b's life that i'll never get back. i hate how snappy i've been with them, and i'm tired of saying "can you go away and play together? that's why god gave you a twin" when they ask me to order at their restaurant. they've eaten nothing but processed and fast food since the little butter bean started growing in me, and i'm a firm believer in the way kids eating negatively affecting their behavior, which has certainly seemed to be the case in our youngest (sweet blakely, always keeping things exciting).

on a positive note, these are the times i'm reminded how incredibly sweet my husband is. he waits on me hand and foot and has taken up so much of the slack i've left with k and b, and calls each day to take my "order" on dinner. he hasn't complained about our ridiculous credit card bill, which reflects my ever-changing "i think i might could eat that when i order it at the drive thru but by the time i get to the window to pick it up it sounds gross and i have to find something else" phase. i'm thankful to not have to go to work each day and to have someone that never complains when i call him every 30 minutes just to make sure he knows i'm still sick. and i'm thankful for my sweet mother-in-law who knows the gag reflex i have when i get around raw meat and is bringing freezer dinners tomorrow so the processed food phase can finally end and i can be put out of the guilt-induced misery i'm in over what i'm feeding my family. if i knew the nausea would be over at the end of this trimester, i think i could do it and not be discouraged, but if my pregnancy with k and b was any indication, it'll be here another 7 months. so while it's not very fun right now, i definitely have the best case scenario if you're gonna be sick. i'll never understand those who make it through pregnancy without getting sick. so lucky. but i'm sure there are those who will never understand someone like me complaining for even a minute when the gift god has given me isn't given to everyone. so that's why i've been in hiding. i don't want to complain because i know in my head it's nothing but a blessing. at the same time, i don't feel like "rejoicing" in the nausea, so i think i'll just wait until i feel better to say much at all. i'm thankful to atleast have k and b in my face each day to remind me how very worth it it all is. even on their worst days (and there are some bad ones), i know that i'd go through this every day for the rest of my life to have these sweet little angels...

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

quick update

if you were biting your nails in anticipation :)...
the doctor called yesterday and said my progesterone and hcg levels were good, which was a huge relief because they were so off before my miscarriage. the bloodwork indicates that i am between 7 and 8 weeks. my bump indicates closer to 18, but that's how i roll with pregnancy. they can't get me in for an ultrasound for 2 more weeks, so i'll have to wait awhile to see the heartbeat, but hopefully he/she is growing and thriving. thanks to all of you for your sweet comments and e-mails!

Monday, April 19, 2010

i'm baaaaack

so i took a little hiatus from blogging, but that will probably be happening often. there's a reason, and that reason also involves me forcing protein down every 2 hours to keep from puking, napping often, and drinking pickle juice (because it genuinely tastes delicious to me). you guessed it...i'm pregnant. since i miscarried in october, we were going to wait to tell people until it was a little more "safe", but i'm a freak and show upon conception, so there's no hiding it unless i hide out in my house until we're ready to spill the beans. you probably think i'm being dramatic, but i've already had 2 comments about my baby bump today, and people are usually smart enough to not question pregnancy unless it's pretty obvious. i feel crappy, but i really am happy and thankful to be pregnant again. i found out 2 weeks ago, but we were in seaside on vacation last week, so i just went to the doctor today. i had blood drawn to test my hcg levels and should get the results tomorrow and have an ultrasound later in the week to figure out how far along i am, but i'm guessing 7 weeks or so. i'll update later, but please pray for a healthy pregnancy this time around!

Friday, April 2, 2010

spring is here!

not to discredit everything i've been learning lately in regards to depression from a spiritual standpoint, but i must say that pretty days work almost as well as anti-depressants for me. it's amazing how much better i feel when we can be outside. i love leaving the back door open and having all of the neighborhood kids run in and out of my house. i've always wanted the house where kids can come in a find a plate of cookies on the table and someone who will ask them about their day (except the cookie thing usually doesn't happen because if i make them and sit them out i eat them all; but i love the thought of it and hopefully one day will be disciplined enough to have that house. for now, i like being a place where they can atleast be welcomed with good conversation and an offer of milk and a fruit tray). these are the days i realize i'm really living my dream. i really think i have seasonal affective disorder. or i atleast like to think i've got myself figured out. a few pictures from our day yesterday...

would you think your neighbors were weird if this is what their kids wore to play outside in? notice the boobs on one and belly on the other. and i'm sure the hair needs no mentioning. to top it off, they were playing with our neighbor and went to her house and we were told later by her dad that one of them (they can't tell them apart but i'm guessing kennedy) said "my daddy said i could eat dinner with yall" in her finest southern accent. between the ridiculousness of their outfits and them obviously not getting to eat at their own home, i'm guessing they're wondering what's going on with our redneck clan.

very serious about perfecting the bike skills...

how blakely does bike helmets...

happy spring!